Au Pair Request to Travel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will. I just hope this year works out. I am just surprised that she apparently has not absorbed what we have said multiple times.

It might be a mismatch. There are tons of families looking some are more supportive emotionally of their au pairs than others. Some host families are really for young women of color than they can lock under the stairs and control body, mind, and soul, and others really get the cultural exchange component and understand that most APs are adult women. I would try to rematch for someone more interested in the throwback indentured servant experience.

your racism is showing right there. what makes you think all HFs are White?

You sound like an entitled Karen. This is not about supporting emotionally. We are in a god damn pandemic.

Well, your use of "Karen" shows that you are a racist and a sexist: yikes. (taking a moment to pray you don't have daughters).

I am not white. I know several AP families (other AAs and white HFs) that deliberately seek out women from poor families from Brazil and Colombia because they do not want "princesses" and then barely buy them enough food to eat or care whether they have warm clothes in the winter. We all know bad HFs. Let's not pretend that there are not HFs taking advantage of au pairs and using the pandemic as an excuse. Hopefully, your AP will go into rematch soon.

How sweet of you to pray for me

I will pray you all don't get COVID as you try to be the "cool HF"

I was praying for your daughters (and hoping you don't have any). We were social distancing before it was cool, and our AP is a homebody who has travelled twice, safely, over the summer in a car we rented for her. But yes, if being a cool host parent means making sure that the AP has food, warm clothes, access to dental/medical care, educational access, and a HF that cares about her as an adult woman entitled to make choices for herself as an adult woman, we plead guilty. HFs who abuse their au pairs (and the system) are a disgrace. If there is a lockdown, then the HF and the AP must obey that laws of the lockdown. If there is not a lockdown, you shouldn't seek control the AP in a way that you would not be able to get away with with a nanny or babysitter. [/quote]

Most AP agencies make it clear that each family has specific rules regarding the pandemic. Shame you can't see that

Shame on you for seeking a slave and imposing restrictions on adult woman that you would not foist upon a niece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will. I just hope this year works out. I am just surprised that she apparently has not absorbed what we have said multiple times.

It might be a mismatch. There are tons of families looking some are more supportive emotionally of their au pairs than others. Some host families are really for young women of color than they can lock under the stairs and control body, mind, and soul, and others really get the cultural exchange component and understand that most APs are adult women. I would try to rematch for someone more interested in the throwback indentured servant experience.

your racism is showing right there. what makes you think all HFs are White?

You sound like an entitled Karen. This is not about supporting emotionally. We are in a god damn pandemic.

Well, your use of "Karen" shows that you are a racist and a sexist: yikes. (taking a moment to pray you don't have daughters).

I am not white. I know several AP families (other AAs and white HFs) that deliberately seek out women from poor families from Brazil and Colombia because they do not want "princesses" and then barely buy them enough food to eat or care whether they have warm clothes in the winter. We all know bad HFs. Let's not pretend that there are not HFs taking advantage of au pairs and using the pandemic as an excuse. Hopefully, your AP will go into rematch soon.

How sweet of you to pray for me

I will pray you all don't get COVID as you try to be the "cool HF"

I was praying for your daughters (and hoping you don't have any). We were social distancing before it was cool, and our AP is a homebody who has travelled twice, safely, over the summer in a car we rented for her. But yes, if being a cool host parent means making sure that the AP has food, warm clothes, access to dental/medical care, educational access, and a HF that cares about her as an adult woman entitled to make choices for herself as an adult woman, we plead guilty. HFs who abuse their au pairs (and the system) are a disgrace. If there is a lockdown, then the HF and the AP must obey that laws of the lockdown. If there is not a lockdown, you shouldn't seek control the AP in a way that you would not be able to get away with with a nanny or babysitter. [/quote]

Most AP agencies make it clear that each family has specific rules regarding the pandemic. Shame you can't see that

Shame on you for seeking a slave and imposing restrictions on adult woman that you would not foist upon a niece.

Ha Ha. We are healthcare professionals. This is the same thing we tell our nieces, nephews, siblings, etc. Shame on you for not caring about your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will. I just hope this year works out. I am just surprised that she apparently has not absorbed what we have said multiple times.

It might be a mismatch. There are tons of families looking some are more supportive emotionally of their au pairs than others. Some host families are really for young women of color than they can lock under the stairs and control body, mind, and soul, and others really get the cultural exchange component and understand that most APs are adult women. I would try to rematch for someone more interested in the throwback indentured servant experience.

your racism is showing right there. what makes you think all HFs are White?

You sound like an entitled Karen. This is not about supporting emotionally. We are in a god damn pandemic.

Well, your use of "Karen" shows that you are a racist and a sexist: yikes. (taking a moment to pray you don't have daughters).

I am not white. I know several AP families (other AAs and white HFs) that deliberately seek out women from poor families from Brazil and Colombia because they do not want "princesses" and then barely buy them enough food to eat or care whether they have warm clothes in the winter. We all know bad HFs. Let's not pretend that there are not HFs taking advantage of au pairs and using the pandemic as an excuse. Hopefully, your AP will go into rematch soon.

How sweet of you to pray for me

I will pray you all don't get COVID as you try to be the "cool HF"

I was praying for your daughters (and hoping you don't have any). We were social distancing before it was cool, and our AP is a homebody who has travelled twice, safely, over the summer in a car we rented for her. But yes, if being a cool host parent means making sure that the AP has food, warm clothes, access to dental/medical care, educational access, and a HF that cares about her as an adult woman entitled to make choices for herself as an adult woman, we plead guilty. HFs who abuse their au pairs (and the system) are a disgrace. If there is a lockdown, then the HF and the AP must obey that laws of the lockdown. If there is not a lockdown, you shouldn't seek control the AP in a way that you would not be able to get away with with a nanny or babysitter. [/quote]

Most AP agencies make it clear that each family has specific rules regarding the pandemic. Shame you can't see that

Shame on you for seeking a slave and imposing restrictions on adult woman that you would not foist upon a niece. [/quote

Is this the bitter nanny again? Just ignire

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will. I just hope this year works out. I am just surprised that she apparently has not absorbed what we have said multiple times.

It might be a mismatch. There are tons of families looking some are more supportive emotionally of their au pairs than others. Some host families are really for young women of color than they can lock under the stairs and control body, mind, and soul, and others really get the cultural exchange component and understand that most APs are adult women. I would try to rematch for someone more interested in the throwback indentured servant experience.

your racism is showing right there. what makes you think all HFs are White?

You sound like an entitled Karen. This is not about supporting emotionally. We are in a god damn pandemic.

Well, your use of "Karen" shows that you are a racist and a sexist: yikes. (taking a moment to pray you don't have daughters).

I am not white. I know several AP families (other AAs and white HFs) that deliberately seek out women from poor families from Brazil and Colombia because they do not want "princesses" and then barely buy them enough food to eat or care whether they have warm clothes in the winter. We all know bad HFs. Let's not pretend that there are not HFs taking advantage of au pairs and using the pandemic as an excuse. Hopefully, your AP will go into rematch soon.

How sweet of you to pray for me

I will pray you all don't get COVID as you try to be the "cool HF"

I was praying for your daughters (and hoping you don't have any). We were social distancing before it was cool, and our AP is a homebody who has travelled twice, safely, over the summer in a car we rented for her. But yes, if being a cool host parent means making sure that the AP has food, warm clothes, access to dental/medical care, educational access, and a HF that cares about her as an adult woman entitled to make choices for herself as an adult woman, we plead guilty. HFs who abuse their au pairs (and the system) are a disgrace. If there is a lockdown, then the HF and the AP must obey that laws of the lockdown. If there is not a lockdown, you shouldn't seek control the AP in a way that you would not be able to get away with with a nanny or babysitter. [/quote]

Most AP agencies make it clear that each family has specific rules regarding the pandemic. Shame you can't see that

Shame on you for seeking a slave and imposing restrictions on adult woman that you would not foist upon a niece.

Ha Ha. We are healthcare professionals. This is the same thing we tell our nieces, nephews, siblings, etc. Shame on you for not caring about your family.

Well, I’m sure as healthcare professionals you are putting a ton of money aside for your kids inevitable shrink bills on copying with narcissistic parents with boundary issues. Have fun!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will. I just hope this year works out. I am just surprised that she apparently has not absorbed what we have said multiple times.

It might be a mismatch. There are tons of families looking some are more supportive emotionally of their au pairs than others. Some host families are really for young women of color than they can lock under the stairs and control body, mind, and soul, and others really get the cultural exchange component and understand that most APs are adult women. I would try to rematch for someone more interested in the throwback indentured servant experience.

your racism is showing right there. what makes you think all HFs are White?

You sound like an entitled Karen. This is not about supporting emotionally. We are in a god damn pandemic.

Well, your use of "Karen" shows that you are a racist and a sexist: yikes. (taking a moment to pray you don't have daughters).

I am not white. I know several AP families (other AAs and white HFs) that deliberately seek out women from poor families from Brazil and Colombia because they do not want "princesses" and then barely buy them enough food to eat or care whether they have warm clothes in the winter. We all know bad HFs. Let's not pretend that there are not HFs taking advantage of au pairs and using the pandemic as an excuse. Hopefully, your AP will go into rematch soon.

How sweet of you to pray for me

I will pray you all don't get COVID as you try to be the "cool HF"

I was praying for your daughters (and hoping you don't have any). We were social distancing before it was cool, and our AP is a homebody who has travelled twice, safely, over the summer in a car we rented for her. But yes, if being a cool host parent means making sure that the AP has food, warm clothes, access to dental/medical care, educational access, and a HF that cares about her as an adult woman entitled to make choices for herself as an adult woman, we plead guilty. HFs who abuse their au pairs (and the system) are a disgrace. If there is a lockdown, then the HF and the AP must obey that laws of the lockdown. If there is not a lockdown, you shouldn't seek control the AP in a way that you would not be able to get away with with a nanny or babysitter. [/quote]

Most AP agencies make it clear that each family has specific rules regarding the pandemic. Shame you can't see that

Shame on you for seeking a slave and imposing restrictions on adult woman that you would not foist upon a niece.

Ha Ha. We are healthcare professionals. This is the same thing we tell our nieces, nephews, siblings, etc. Shame on you for not caring about your family.

Well, I’m sure as healthcare professionals you are putting a ton of money aside for your kids inevitable shrink bills on copying with narcissistic parents with boundary issues. Have fun!

Unlike the trauma of coping with the inevitable exposure to COVID that will be coming your way soon. Buh-bye.

[Anonymous]

It is simple. Don't hire an AP. It is supposed to be a cultural experience for them. And don't say you explained all the rules and they agreed. They do not fully appreciate what being locked at home means.

I don't fault you for your rules. I fault you for bringing on a young girl from another country and locking her in your house. Whether she initially agreed or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will. I just hope this year works out. I am just surprised that she apparently has not absorbed what we have said multiple times.

It might be a mismatch. There are tons of families looking some are more supportive emotionally of their au pairs than others. Some host families are really for young women of color than they can lock under the stairs and control body, mind, and soul, and others really get the cultural exchange component and understand that most APs are adult women. I would try to rematch for someone more interested in the throwback indentured servant experience.

your racism is showing right there. what makes you think all HFs are White?

You sound like an entitled Karen. This is not about supporting emotionally. We are in a god damn pandemic.

Well, your use of "Karen" shows that you are a racist and a sexist: yikes. (taking a moment to pray you don't have daughters).

I am not white. I know several AP families (other AAs and white HFs) that deliberately seek out women from poor families from Brazil and Colombia because they do not want "princesses" and then barely buy them enough food to eat or care whether they have warm clothes in the winter. We all know bad HFs. Let's not pretend that there are not HFs taking advantage of au pairs and using the pandemic as an excuse. Hopefully, your AP will go into rematch soon.

How sweet of you to pray for me

I will pray you all don't get COVID as you try to be the "cool HF"

I was praying for your daughters (and hoping you don't have any). We were social distancing before it was cool, and our AP is a homebody who has travelled twice, safely, over the summer in a car we rented for her. But yes, if being a cool host parent means making sure that the AP has food, warm clothes, access to dental/medical care, educational access, and a HF that cares about her as an adult woman entitled to make choices for herself as an adult woman, we plead guilty. HFs who abuse their au pairs (and the system) are a disgrace. If there is a lockdown, then the HF and the AP must obey that laws of the lockdown. If there is not a lockdown, you shouldn't seek control the AP in a way that you would not be able to get away with with a nanny or babysitter. [/quote]

Most AP agencies make it clear that each family has specific rules regarding the pandemic. Shame you can't see that

Shame on you for seeking a slave and imposing restrictions on adult woman that you would not foist upon a niece.

Ha Ha. We are healthcare professionals. This is the same thing we tell our nieces, nephews, siblings, etc. Shame on you for not caring about your family.

Well, I’m sure as healthcare professionals you are putting a ton of money aside for your kids inevitable shrink bills on copying with narcissistic parents with boundary issues. Have fun!

Oh my gosh. You can't have it both ways. Either the au pair is an adult, or you are focusing on the way the poster is raising kids. You can't have it both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is simple. Don't hire an AP. It is supposed to be a cultural experience for them. And don't say you explained all the rules and they agreed. They do not fully appreciate what being locked at home means.

I don't fault you for your rules. I fault you for bringing on a young girl from another country and locking her in your house. Whether she initially agreed or not.

Many smart au pairs do undertand what it is like to be in lockdown. I am not sure how caught up you are on current events, but the pandemic happens to be global in nature. So unless the au pair is coming from a few Asian or African countries that are doing a much better job than us, then they have experienced lockdown.

The rules are the rules. How about this---don't agree to *be* an au pair with a family if you don't like their rules? How's that for adulthood?

[Anonymous]

Wrong. Being locked up with your boss and your children’s a totally different thing.

Please stop telling yourself what you are doing is ok. Human traffickers say the same thing. Oh, this is better than the girl is treated at home.

Shame. You know it. Own it.

— host mom of 8 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wrong. Being locked up with your boss and your children’s a totally different thing.

Please stop telling yourself what you are doing is ok. Human traffickers say the same thing. Oh, this is better than the girl is treated at home.

Shame. You know it. Own it.

— host mom of 8 years.

How is it different as compared to an 18-22 year old live-in nanny who just happens to be a US citizen. It’s not. Yet contracts with exposure clauses are very valid.

I’m a live-in nanny in my mid 30s. Almost EVERY live-in contract currently has an exposure clause. Why would APs and HPs not have the same thing? If they do (and it sounds like it was disclosed before matching, so it’s not hinky), why wouldn’t it be enforceable?

[Anonymous]

Is this a serious question. As a live in nanny you can leave at any time. You can change jobs. Etc.

APs can’t. They can rematch but that takes time and is risky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a serious question. As a live in nanny you can leave at any time. You can change jobs. Etc.

APs can’t. They can rematch but that takes time and is risky.

Thry have a LCC and an agency to help. They can rematch. They have a home in another country if they can’t rematch.

Young live-in nannies (just starting out) sometimes don’t have another home to which they can return. They never have an agency (agencies require 2+ years of experience), and there’s no such thing as a LCC for nannies. And rematch is non-existent; either a live-in nanny has a job and a home or they don’t.

All of that is irrelevant. Contracts are signed prior to start date, just like families told APs the rules prior to start date. There are many live-in nannies and APs who had their outside lives curtailed when rules were imposed midyear due to covid. There is no difference there, none.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a serious question. As a live in nanny you can leave at any time. You can change jobs. Etc.

APs can’t. They can rematch but that takes time and is risky.

Thry have a LCC and an agency to help. They can rematch. They have a home in another country if they can’t rematch.

Young live-in nannies (just starting out) sometimes don’t have another home to which they can return. They never have an agency (agencies require 2+ years of experience), and there’s no such thing as a LCC for nannies. And rematch is non-existent; either a live-in nanny has a job and a home or they don’t.

All of that is irrelevant. Contracts are signed prior to start date, just like families told APs the rules prior to start date. There are many live-in nannies and APs who had their outside lives curtailed when rules were imposed midyear due to covid. There is no difference there, none.

Well, oral employment contracts are NOT enforceable. Written employment contract similarly have defenses built in like unconscionability, duress, mistake of law or fact b/c of language, etc. People who employ live-in nannies who are here without status are breaking the law and can certainly use one's immigration status against them (and do frequently). Similarly APs are here on a visa tied to a specific family and are also frequently abused. A legal live-in nanny is unlikely to agree to have her sex life controlled by her host family, be told she cannot visit her family, or be told she is not allowed to leave the house. Most APs would similarly not match with a family who told them that their sexuality and freedom of movement would be at the will of their HF. See, e.g., https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2017/03/au-pair-program-abuse-state-department-214956.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wrong. Being locked up with your boss and your children’s a totally different thing.

Please stop telling yourself what you are doing is ok. Human traffickers say the same thing. Oh, this is better than the girl is treated at home.

Shame. You know it. Own it.

— host mom of 8 years.

Trafficking victims are being locked up because the traffickers are exploiting them for meager pay and to avoid police and law enforement and escape. HFs are imposing rules o keep people safe from a pandemic and to keep all involved safe. Signed--someone who actually works with trafficking survivors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a serious question. As a live in nanny you can leave at any time. You can change jobs. Etc.

APs can’t. They can rematch but that takes time and is risky.

Thry have a LCC and an agency to help. They can rematch. They have a home in another country if they can’t rematch.

Young live-in nannies (just starting out) sometimes don’t have another home to which they can return. They never have an agency (agencies require 2+ years of experience), and there’s no such thing as a LCC for nannies. And rematch is non-existent; either a live-in nanny has a job and a home or they don’t.

All of that is irrelevant. Contracts are signed prior to start date, just like families told APs the rules prior to start date. There are many live-in nannies and APs who had their outside lives curtailed when rules were imposed midyear due to covid. There is no difference there, none.

Well, oral employment contracts are NOT enforceable. Written employment contract similarly have defenses built in like unconscionability, duress, mistake of law or fact b/c of language, etc. People who employ live-in nannies who are here without status are breaking the law and can certainly use one's immigration status against them (and do frequently). Similarly APs are here on a visa tied to a specific family and are also frequently abused. A legal live-in nanny is unlikely to agree to have her sex life controlled by her host family, be told she cannot visit her family, or be told she is not allowed to leave the house. Most APs would similarly not match with a family who told them that their sexuality and freedom of movement would be at the will of their HF. See, e.g., https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2017/03/au-pair-program-abuse-state-department-214956.

Then.don't. match. with. them.