Update: Wonderful nanny smokes, am I a bad mom to keep her?

[Anonymous]

I do not smoke and hate it but smoking is legal. You have the right to not hire a smoker but you do not have the right to tell someone they cannot smoke. I would tell you to eff off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not smoke and hate it but smoking is legal. You have the right to not hire a smoker but you do not have the right to tell someone they cannot smoke. I would tell you to eff off.

But OP isn't telling the nanny not to smoke--she's telling her not to smoke in ways that affect her job. That is well within her rights as an employer. Drinking is also legal but try having four shots before heading to work and see how that works out for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not smoke and hate it but smoking is legal. You have the right to not hire a smoker but you do not have the right to tell someone they cannot smoke. I would tell you to eff off.

But OP isn't telling the nanny not to smoke--she's telling her not to smoke in ways that affect her job. That is well within her rights as an employer. Drinking is also legal but try having four shots before heading to work and see how that works out for you.

I
OP said that she smells smoke on her nanny and she wants her to change her clothes. Her nanny would also need to shower, wash hair and brush teeth. Just say, "No smokers will be considered"!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not smoke and hate it but smoking is legal. You have the right to not hire a smoker but you do not have the right to tell someone they cannot smoke. I would tell you to eff off.

But OP isn't telling the nanny not to smoke--she's telling her not to smoke in ways that affect her job. That is well within her rights as an employer. Drinking is also legal but try having four shots before heading to work and see how that works out for you.

I
OP said that she smells smoke on her nanny and she wants her to change her clothes. Her nanny would also need to shower, wash hair and brush teeth. Just say, "No smokers will be considered"!

The problem, though, is that OP's nanny seems to think she *is* a non-smoker. There's obviously a lot more there that needs unpacking on the nanny's part, but the short answer is still for OP to end the employment relationship if the nanny is not able to come to work without smelling of smoke. (It sounds like things have gone okay for a few days, so maybe OP will luck out and that will be the end of it, but I'm dubious.)

[Anonymous]

I would make sure she understands the severity of the issue. If you continue to smell smoke on her she will be fired. I would then reward her for coming to work smoke free. Give her an insentive. After 1 week of being smoke free give her a gift card and a nice card stating how much you appreciate her and her trying so hard to not smell like smoke. Then after a month of being smoke free another gift . Nothing to extreme but something to motive her and to let her know that she is trying to change and you appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. I honestly would lay it all out. Nanny, I don’t mind if you smoke but I do mind if you smell like smoke around my child. Third hand smoke is the most dangerous (share what you’ve found out in research). If you’re open to it, I would share (if you haven’t already) that your parents died of cancer.

Let nanny know you really appreciate her and you are not judging her. However, this is a dealbreaker for you and if she’s not willing to change her clothes and wash her hands (which is reasonable) when entering the home, we have to part ways. I don’t think anyone would judge you if you keep her but if you decide to let it go, you can’t bring up her smelling like smoke anymore. As a nanny, if I smoked and my employer was willing to work with me, I would do what I can. And if my employer said “if this doesn’t work for you, I have to let you go” if I really loved (even liked) my job, I would make those changes right away! Good Luck!

[Anonymous]

I would let her go. Back in my nanny days I smoked but NEVER before work. I smoked after work on my balcony. I changed clothes, showered and brushed my teeth at least twice before going to work the next mourning. I did not transport children in my car. Now that I have a child of my own I would never accept this. Your nanny is very unprofessional. 2 families have already suspected the smoking! She's not bright op.

[Anonymous]

Since you are otherwise happy with her work, I would let her know it is a problem. If she stops smelling of smoke, then great. Odds are you should be getting ready to look for a new nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here. I honestly would lay it all out. Nanny, I don’t mind if you smoke but I do mind if you smell like smoke around my child. Third hand smoke is the most dangerous (share what you’ve found out in research). If you’re open to it, I would share (if you haven’t already) that your parents died of cancer.

Let nanny know you really appreciate her and you are not judging her. However, this is a dealbreaker for you and if she’s not willing to change her clothes and wash her hands (which is reasonable) when entering the home, we have to part ways. I don’t think anyone would judge you if you keep her but if you decide to let it go, you can’t bring up her smelling like smoke anymore. As a nanny, if I smoked and my employer was willing to work with me, I would do what I can. And if my employer said “if this doesn’t work for you, I have to let you go” if I really loved (even liked) my job, I would make those changes right away! Good Luck!

+1. I still think there is still the possibility that she is living with a smoker that she doesn't want you to know about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here. I honestly would lay it all out. Nanny, I don’t mind if you smoke but I do mind if you smell like smoke around my child. Third hand smoke is the most dangerous (share what you’ve found out in research). If you’re open to it, I would share (if you haven’t already) that your parents died of cancer.

Let nanny know you really appreciate her and you are not judging her. However, this is a dealbreaker for you and if she’s not willing to change her clothes and wash her hands (which is reasonable) when entering the home, we have to part ways. I don’t think anyone would judge you if you keep her but if you decide to let it go, you can’t bring up her smelling like smoke anymore. As a nanny, if I smoked and my employer was willing to work with me, I would do what I can. And if my employer said “if this doesn’t work for you, I have to let you go” if I really loved (even liked) my job, I would make those changes right away! Good Luck!

+1. I still think there is still the possibility that she is living with a smoker that she doesn't want you to know about.

Don’t those nanny agencies ask on the application if you smoke? If she was a heavy smoker, Op would smell it everyday. If it isn’t as strong, chances are it’s someone around her smoking but if the agency said “they’ve had these complaints before” why doesn’t nanny just say what it is?! Clearly Op, knows and if she didn’t like you and didn’t want it to work, she would have been let you go.

[Anonymous]

I would lay it out and talk it through with Nanny again. If she's good and you have a good relationship you can work it out.

My bigger problem as PP's said would be with the agency. They "had complaints" didn't disclose them and sent her to you anyway? WTF? Now you're left dealing with an uncomfortable situation. Their job is supposed to be to vet so you don't have to deal with something like this down the road like you are now. I would ask for my money back.

[Anonymous]

If she is truly exceptional in so many ways, I would keep her since finding a great Nanny is not easy.

I seriously doubt your child will get sick from being in her presence.

When she gets older & attends school, you will never know which of her teachers smokes or not.

[Anonymous]

I would worry more about the car than exposure from her clothes. The smell does not come out and the air in a car is enclosed. This would be a deal breaker to me, no matter how good the nanny, but I have a family member who is currently battling lung cancer so I am admittedly sensitive to smoking issues.

[Anonymous]

Just show her this and tell her you require a 100% non smoker and one who does not live with a smoker. Either she complies or you find a new nanny. End of story. Stop putting around.

http://www.center4research.org/third-hand-smoke/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would lay it out and talk it through with Nanny again. If she's good and you have a good relationship you can work it out.

My bigger problem as PP's said would be with the agency. They "had complaints" didn't disclose them and sent her to you anyway? WTF? Now you're left dealing with an uncomfortable situation. Their job is supposed to be to vet so you don't have to deal with something like this down the road like you are now. I would ask for my money back.

NP here. They will re-match you for free, but not refund you and allow you to keep your nanny.