Help me be fair to our nanny without causing DH to flip over $

[Anonymous]

MB here. I think you're conflating some issues here OP, which is understandable but short-sighted.

You have a nanny you like and trust, whom you want to retain. You offer a decent compensation package, especially when the additional vacation time and regular early departures are factored in. Her workload is steadily increasing in terms of complexity - so the skills she needs now (3 kids at various ages and differing schedules) are changing. If she can keep up with all of that (and wants to) then that further increases her value.

Going through nanny transitions with my kids has taught me to seriously weigh the value of continuity, family knowledge, stability for the kids, trust/reliability and my stress level very highly. All of those easily translate to an extra $50-75 per week.

So my advice is to be generous with your nanny and give at least a $1/hr increase. Also talk with her about other ways you can show your appreciation. Perhaps formalize that one shorter day a week, or add some health insurance benefit (that can be a real cash value without the added costs of taxes), give her a few more guaranteed vacation days (all of xmas week in addition to the two weeks for instance) etc... And ask her what would mean the most to her (in addition to some sort of raise.)

Then deal w/ your husband's concerns separately. Frame that in terms of "happy wife/happy life", stress free household is worth its weight in gold, the cost of finding/hiring/training a new nanny certainly being more than a few hundred dollars, etc... Don't make your nanny pay the price for what you have to negotiate w/ your husband.

If you have money, use it. Throw money at the situation to make your nanny happy and make all of your lives easier. It's money well spent and nickel and diming will hurt you in the long run.

If you had an unexpected car expense of 2k you would pay it, right? So put this total expense into that kind of perspective.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$34 gross per week for a newborn is not a fair rate. I would not stay at this job for that rate. Do better.

Can you explain the $34 gross? Not sure what that refers to.

Do nannies consider newborns "harder" than older kids? My DC1 was a real handful as a 3 and 4 yo, so I always think of older kids as the more challenging ones in some ways.

[b]

She wants to go from $1096 to $1130 for a week. So $34 gross raise per week for newborn care? NO WAY!!! I've seen cheap but this takes the cake.

[Anonymous]

You need to raise her base hourly rate, OP. You are paying far too little. Overtime payments are not a way to justify paying less. She is working long hours for you and deserves the overtime pay. I think you should raise her to at least $20 an hour.

Kids in school still have laundry and eat meals. And there are holidays, teacher conferences and sick days where she could have all three kids home.

It would be a very foolish economy in your circumstances to risk losing a wonderful nanny just when you need her the most because you were cheap - or she could earn more while doing less with another family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a nanny but I think k what you are paying is drastically low for two children and ridiculously low for three. Just because one is in school does not negate her duties. There will be many days when she has all three. If you want to keep her, sweeten the pot.

This is true, there are a lot of early release days and school holidays. Can I ask whether you think the weekly rate is low? I know the hourly rate is low, but we pay a lot of OT hours every week. I have friends who need only 40 hrs/week and they pay their nannies much less on a weekly or annual basis because of the lack of OT.

You have a nanny that you and your children love and who loves your children. Personally, I would bring her up to $25/hr minimum which is still low for three children. I would also pay half her medical insurance. What is peace of mind for your children worth to you?

I appreciate the sentiment of $25/hour in a vacuum, but we pay for 52 hours per week. That would be $1450/week or $75k per year, plus taxes and preschool on top of that. I just think that's too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think your weekly rate is terrible, but that really is a lot of hours.

The PP talking about $34 is referring to the amount of your suggested weekly raise (from 1096 to 1130). I agree that $34/week is a terrible raise considering it is meant to cover both an annual raise and a raise for an additional child.

Ah, I understand. Yes, one of my concerns was how it would stack up against our annual raise - obviously it's lower. I don't know whether or not annual raises are the norm. I know friends who only give raises for more kids, not otherwise regularly. In hindsight, had I known we were going to have a third, I might have waited to avoid having to "beat it" for the new baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I think you're conflating some issues here OP, which is understandable but short-sighted.

You have a nanny you like and trust, whom you want to retain. You offer a decent compensation package, especially when the additional vacation time and regular early departures are factored in. Her workload is steadily increasing in terms of complexity - so the skills she needs now (3 kids at various ages and differing schedules) are changing. If she can keep up with all of that (and wants to) then that further increases her value.

Going through nanny transitions with my kids has taught me to seriously weigh the value of continuity, family knowledge, stability for the kids, trust/reliability and my stress level very highly. All of those easily translate to an extra $50-75 per week.

So my advice is to be generous with your nanny and give at least a $1/hr increase. Also talk with her about other ways you can show your appreciation. Perhaps formalize that one shorter day a week, or add some health insurance benefit (that can be a real cash value without the added costs of taxes), give her a few more guaranteed vacation days (all of xmas week in addition to the two weeks for instance) etc... And ask her what would mean the most to her (in addition to some sort of raise.)

Then deal w/ your husband's concerns separately. Frame that in terms of "happy wife/happy life", stress free household is worth its weight in gold, the cost of finding/hiring/training a new nanny certainly being more than a few hundred dollars, etc... Don't make your nanny pay the price for what you have to negotiate w/ your husband.

If you have money, use it. Throw money at the situation to make your nanny happy and make all of your lives easier. It's money well spent and nickel and diming will hurt you in the long run.

If you had an unexpected car expense of 2k you would pay it, right? So put this total expense into that kind of perspective.

Good luck!

Thanks for the thoughtful feedback. I certainly agree with regard to the value of consistency, her ability to manage, and my stress levels. DH is also thinking about this as a zero sum thing, like the tradeoff is between $0 and $60k, which it's not because I'm not going to quit my job. It's really the marginal cost of whatever her raise is, over a couple of years until the kids are in school. Also, with three kids, she's on par with FT daycare costs. I may make that point to him, in addition to the happy wife/happy life one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I think you're conflating some issues here OP, which is understandable but short-sighted.

You have a nanny you like and trust, whom you want to retain. You offer a decent compensation package, especially when the additional vacation time and regular early departures are factored in. Her workload is steadily increasing in terms of complexity - so the skills she needs now (3 kids at various ages and differing schedules) are changing. If she can keep up with all of that (and wants to) then that further increases her value.

Going through nanny transitions with my kids has taught me to seriously weigh the value of continuity, family knowledge, stability for the kids, trust/reliability and my stress level very highly. All of those easily translate to an extra $50-75 per week.

So my advice is to be generous with your nanny and give at least a $1/hr increase. Also talk with her about other ways you can show your appreciation. Perhaps formalize that one shorter day a week, or add some health insurance benefit (that can be a real cash value without the added costs of taxes), give her a few more guaranteed vacation days (all of xmas week in addition to the two weeks for instance) etc... And ask her what would mean the most to her (in addition to some sort of raise.)

Then deal w/ your husband's concerns separately. Frame that in terms of "happy wife/happy life", stress free household is worth its weight in gold, the cost of finding/hiring/training a new nanny certainly being more than a few hundred dollars, etc... Don't make your nanny pay the price for what you have to negotiate w/ your husband.

If you have money, use it. Throw money at the situation to make your nanny happy and make all of your lives easier. It's money well spent and nickel and diming will hurt you in the long run.

If you had an unexpected car expense of 2k you would pay it, right? So put this total expense into that kind of perspective.

Good luck!

Thanks for the thoughtful feedback. I certainly agree with regard to the value of consistency, her ability to manage, and my stress levels. DH is also thinking about this as a zero sum thing, like the tradeoff is between $0 and $60k, which it's not because I'm not going to quit my job. It's really the marginal cost of whatever her raise is, over a couple of years until the kids are in school. Also, with three kids, she's on par with FT daycare costs. I may make that point to him, in addition to the happy wife/happy life one.

Exactly (re the bolded.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$34 gross per week for a newborn is not a fair rate. I would not stay at this job for that rate. Do better.

Can you explain the $34 gross? Not sure what that refers to.

Do nannies consider newborns "harder" than older kids? My DC1 was a real handful as a 3 and 4 yo, so I always think of older kids as the more challenging ones in some ways.

Nannies can ignore older kids, hard to ignore a baby when you can always smell the diaper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a nanny but I think k what you are paying is drastically low for two children and ridiculously low for three. Just because one is in school does not negate her duties. There will be many days when she has all three. If you want to keep her, sweeten the pot.

This is true, there are a lot of early release days and school holidays. Can I ask whether you think the weekly rate is low? I know the hourly rate is low, but we pay a lot of OT hours every week. I have friends who need only 40 hrs/week and they pay their nannies much less on a weekly or annual basis because of the lack of OT.

You have a nanny that you and your children love and who loves your children. Personally, I would bring her up to $25/hr minimum which is still low for three children. I would also pay half her medical insurance. What is peace of mind for your children worth to you?

I appreciate the sentiment of $25/hour in a vacuum, but we pay for 52 hours per week. That would be $1450/week or $75k per year, plus taxes and preschool on top of that. I just think that's too much.

If it is more than you can afford then that is a valid reason. Just be prepared to lose your poor nanny.

[Anonymous]

The tricky part here is definitely that you have the history of giving an annual raise (only for one year, but that is her only point of reference here and annual raises are common for some families). You then have a baby coming about a month after a raise may typically occur, a few months of things in flux with you home with the baby and the nanny there with your other child, then the new schedule.

I would plan to have a raise conversation in early 2018 before the new baby arrives. Tell her you are happy with her care for your kids, etc and then discuss the raise along with details of the plans for the coming year in terms of your nanny's duties so that it is clear that the raise encompasses both the annual raise and new baby raise. If you don't plan to do annual raises in the future, then I would instead be very clear that this is a new baby raise so that the expectation is set for the future. I do think the amount of the raise needs to be at least a bit more than her last annual raise. I like the idea of a $1 per hour raise. That is fairly typical.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think your weekly rate is terrible, but that really is a lot of hours.

The PP talking about $34 is referring to the amount of your suggested weekly raise (from 1096 to 1130). I agree that $34/week is a terrible raise considering it is meant to cover both an annual raise and a raise for an additional child.

+1 I think you need to up her base hourly pay by at least $1/hr; really $1.50/hr would be better. I also think, regardless of her pay, you should give her another 3-5 days of PTO of her choice off per year so she can take a couple personal days or a slightly longer vacation to recharge throughout the year. Three kids including a newborn, even if the other two are in preschool most of the time, for over 50 hours a week will be very stressful for her, and she needs to feel appreciated and well compensated to stick around for another couple of years.

[Anonymous]

Remember that the grandparents may stop coming at 4 pm and want or be able to take all the kids. They do the two now because taking a 3 and 6 year old to the park, etc is fun. Having three, with one a newborn, might change this. So that benefit of being off every Wednesday at 4 pm might go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remember that the grandparents may stop coming at 4 pm and want or be able to take all the kids. They do the two now because taking a 3 and 6 year old to the park, etc is fun. Having three, with one a newborn, might change this. So that benefit of being off every Wednesday at 4 pm might go away.

I had thought of this, yes. Three is a lot and the grandparents aren't getting any younger.

I'm convinced that something along the lines of $1 more/hour is the right thing to do.

Here's another question - I was thinking we should discuss $ more or less upfront with the nanny once we tell her about the new baby (haven't told anyone quite yet, incl our kids). That way, she knows what she's in for in terms of both workload and compensation. If she doesn't like the comp, she won't be surprised or feel blindsided when baby is already or almost here. Seems like it would take the pressure off any negotiations about the raise. Any reason this is a bad idea?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember that the grandparents may stop coming at 4 pm and want or be able to take all the kids. They do the two now because taking a 3 and 6 year old to the park, etc is fun. Having three, with one a newborn, might change this. So that benefit of being off every Wednesday at 4 pm might go away.

I had thought of this, yes. Three is a lot and the grandparents aren't getting any younger.

I'm convinced that something along the lines of $1 more/hour is the right thing to do.

Here's another question - I was thinking we should discuss $ more or less upfront with the nanny once we tell her about the new baby (haven't told anyone quite yet, incl our kids). That way, she knows what she's in for in terms of both workload and compensation. If she doesn't like the comp, she won't be surprised or feel blindsided when baby is already or almost here. Seems like it would take the pressure off any negotiations about the raise. Any reason this is a bad idea?

I can't think of any reason why a good sit-down and open discussion with your nanny would be a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think your weekly rate is terrible, but that really is a lot of hours.

The PP talking about $34 is referring to the amount of your suggested weekly raise (from 1096 to 1130). I agree that $34/week is a terrible raise considering it is meant to cover both an annual raise and a raise for an additional child.

+1 I think you need to up her base hourly pay by at least $1/hr; really $1.50/hr would be better. I also think, regardless of her pay, you should give her another 3-5 days of PTO of her choice off per year so she can take a couple personal days or a slightly longer vacation to recharge throughout the year. Three kids including a newborn, even if the other two are in preschool most of the time, for over 50 hours a week will be very stressful for her, and she needs to feel appreciated and well compensated to stick around for another couple of years.

Thanks for this. I will consider the PTO as well. She is EXTREMELY reliable, so this seems like a nice thing to do as well.

Part of the problem here is that DH doesn't think being a nanny really is that hard. I don't know if anyone can relate to this issue with their DHs. I don't think being a nanny is backbreaking labor, but I still distinctly remember how hectic just two kids in the evening was for me when DH was working late, older child was a volatile 3, and younger child was a baby. And, they're my kids, so if I ignore crying or lose my cool from time to time, that's not ideal but whatever. I'm sure my nanny, who is a cooler cucumber than me anyway, feels differently because it is her job.