letting nanny go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP thanks for this info.
Definitely going to offer something. Was thinking 1 week bc she was with us only 6 months, but I will consider the 2 weeks, like everyone is saying.

For six months of shitty work there is NO way I would give two weeks severance. That's for when you're laying someone off not firing for cause.

This nanny is not being fired for cause. I work in HR and all employees are given two weeks severance after two months of work and allowed to leave on the day they get their termination notice. I would do the same for our nanny (although that would never happen as she is fantastic!). Firing for cause refers to stealing from the company, coming to work drunk/high, threatening another employee, etc. Not simply being less-than-great at the job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP thanks for this info.
Definitely going to offer something. Was thinking 1 week bc she was with us only 6 months, but I will consider the 2 weeks, like everyone is saying.

For six months of shitty work there is NO way I would give two weeks severance. That's for when you're laying someone off not firing for cause.

Where did OP say the nanny did 6 months of shitty work? Bad fit doesn't mean bad work. I have a few families that I babysit for occassionally and I know that I would be a terrible fit for them as a full time nanny. We have different styles and different priorities. Its fine for a few hours here and there but wouldn't work on a daily basis. Does that mean I'm a bad nanny? No. Does that mean I'm lazy? No. OP said her nanny was a bad fit. There is no reason to assume her nanny wasn't anything other than a good employee that simply didn't mesh. She certainly doesn't deserve financial hardship for that.

[Anonymous]

Gosh I would have been devastated to be fired and not been able to see the kids again! But I see what everyone is saying and I never was let go, so maybe I'd have felt differently if I had been.

And OP never said the nanny did "shitty work," just that they found a better fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gosh I would have been devastated to be fired and not been able to see the kids again! But I see what everyone is saying and I never was let go, so maybe I'd have felt differently if I had been.

And OP never said the nanny did "shitty work," just that they found a better fit.

+1 I would be devastated too if I had to say good-bye to my little guy for good. However, I wouldn't want to subject him to two weeks of my being miserable and sad either or being furious at his parents. I have never been fired either but a check and a quick good-bye to the child is probably the best way.

(I got teary eyed just typing that!) Hopefully I will be in a situation where I can still babysit him occasionally when he transitions out of needing full-time nanny care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP thanks for this info.
Definitely going to offer something. Was thinking 1 week bc she was with us only 6 months, but I will consider the 2 weeks, like everyone is saying.

For six months of shitty work there is NO way I would give two weeks severance. That's for when you're laying someone off not firing for cause.

Where did OP say the nanny did 6 months of shitty work? Bad fit doesn't mean bad work. I have a few families that I babysit for occassionally and I know that I would be a terrible fit for them as a full time nanny. We have different styles and different priorities. Its fine for a few hours here and there but wouldn't work on a daily basis. Does that mean I'm a bad nanny? No. Does that mean I'm lazy? No. OP said her nanny was a bad fit. There is no reason to assume her nanny wasn't anything other than a good employee that simply didn't mesh. She certainly doesn't deserve financial hardship for that.

I have no idea what you are talking about or what kind of person you are that you are a terrible fit for someone else but OK for a few hours. Give specifics.

I can only think of the list of handful babysitters I have, who I call on when my nanny is not available but is just nowhere as good as my nanny.

[Anonymous]

PP I'm a different poster but I can give you an example.

I babysit for a nice family, two children 5 and 7. They have tried to poach me as their nanny for over three years and I have always declined. I like them, I like their kids, so it should be a good fit right? No. They are obsessively worried about everything, they have the strangest rules that I can't even predict (last time I babysat the older one was reading Little House on the Prairie as his bedtime book and I read him a few chapters - only when his parents got home did they tell me to skip over words like "gun" - why are you reading him a frontiers book if we can't talk about the guns they carried?) and can't seem to learn after years of knowing them. They aren't allowed to run, for example, unless they are on grass. Yeah try enforcing that every day with two active boys! Every behavioral thing, like when the 4yo was in a phase of threatening to cut people's body parts off with scissors ("I'm going to chop your hair!") meant an hour+ discussion about whether he was "normal" or not and how we should approach it. Language has to be Waldorf specific, so rather than "let's put the toys away" it had to be "the toys are going to rest now." That's a handful of approximately 800,000 quirks I had to navigate as a sitter. No way could I have been their nanny!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP I'm a different poster but I can give you an example.

I babysit for a nice family, two children 5 and 7. They have tried to poach me as their nanny for over three years and I have always declined. I like them, I like their kids, so it should be a good fit right? No. They are obsessively worried about everything, they have the strangest rules that I can't even predict (last time I babysat the older one was reading Little House on the Prairie as his bedtime book and I read him a few chapters - only when his parents got home did they tell me to skip over words like "gun" - why are you reading him a frontiers book if we can't talk about the guns they carried?) and can't seem to learn after years of knowing them. They aren't allowed to run, for example, unless they are on grass. Yeah try enforcing that every day with two active boys! Every behavioral thing, like when the 4yo was in a phase of threatening to cut people's body parts off with scissors ("I'm going to chop your hair!") meant an hour+ discussion about whether he was "normal" or not and how we should approach it. Language has to be Waldorf specific, so rather than "let's put the toys away" it had to be "the toys are going to rest now." That's a handful of approximately 800,000 quirks I had to navigate as a sitter. No way could I have been their nanny!!

NP here and here is my "just not the right fit" story. A very nice and educated couple were (probably still are) germaphobes. They wouldn't even let their baby crawl off his blanket (washed every day) that we put on the carpeted floor for him. He wasn't allowed to touch any leaves or flowers when he was in the stroller for fear of toxic chemicals. They also would not let me take him anywhere in the stroller where there might be other people (like the library or park to watch the kids) When I took him for a walk I had to keep him moving in the stroller and never stop for fear someone might touch him. However - they never did one thing to baby-proof a sharp edged glass coffee table or up security fencing up on their fourth floor balcony. I had to give my notice before I became too attached to their poor baby.

We did not fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP I'm a different poster but I can give you an example.

I babysit for a nice family, two children 5 and 7. They have tried to poach me as their nanny for over three years and I have always declined. I like them, I like their kids, so it should be a good fit right? No. They are obsessively worried about everything, they have the strangest rules that I can't even predict (last time I babysat the older one was reading Little House on the Prairie as his bedtime book and I read him a few chapters - only when his parents got home did they tell me to skip over words like "gun" - why are you reading him a frontiers book if we can't talk about the guns they carried?) and can't seem to learn after years of knowing them. They aren't allowed to run, for example, unless they are on grass. Yeah try enforcing that every day with two active boys! Every behavioral thing, like when the 4yo was in a phase of threatening to cut people's body parts off with scissors ("I'm going to chop your hair!") meant an hour+ discussion about whether he was "normal" or not and how we should approach it. Language has to be Waldorf specific, so rather than "let's put the toys away" it had to be "the toys are going to rest now." That's a handful of approximately 800,000 quirks I had to navigate as a sitter. No way could I have been their nanny!!

NP here and here is my "just not the right fit" story. A very nice and educated couple were (probably still are) germaphobes. They wouldn't even let their baby crawl off his blanket (washed every day) that we put on the carpeted floor for him. He wasn't allowed to touch any leaves or flowers when he was in the stroller for fear of toxic chemicals. They also would not let me take him anywhere in the stroller where there might be other people (like the library or park to watch the kids) When I took him for a walk I had to keep him moving in the stroller and never stop for fear someone might touch him. However - they never did one thing to baby-proof a sharp edged glass coffee table or up security fencing up on their fourth floor balcony. I had to give my notice before I became too attached to their poor baby.

We did not fit.

Wow. That poor child is in for a TON of therapy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP thanks for this info.
Definitely going to offer something. Was thinking 1 week bc she was with us only 6 months, but I will consider the 2 weeks, like everyone is saying.

For six months of shitty work there is NO way I would give two weeks severance. That's for when you're laying someone off not firing for cause.

Where did OP say the nanny did 6 months of shitty work? Bad fit doesn't mean bad work. I have a few families that I babysit for occassionally and I know that I would be a terrible fit for them as a full time nanny. We have different styles and different priorities. Its fine for a few hours here and there but wouldn't work on a daily basis. Does that mean I'm a bad nanny? No. Does that mean I'm lazy? No. OP said her nanny was a bad fit. There is no reason to assume her nanny wasn't anything other than a good employee that simply didn't mesh. She certainly doesn't deserve financial hardship for that.

But it does mean nanny misrepresented herself during the interview to get a job she wasn't fit for. Thus fired for cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gosh I would have been devastated to be fired and not been able to see the kids again! But I see what everyone is saying and I never was let go, so maybe I'd have felt differently if I had been.

And OP never said the nanny did "shitty work," just that they found a better fit.

oP said the nanny was bad with kids. What does that tell you?
Anyone want a doctor who is bad at surgery or diagnoses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gosh I would have been devastated to be fired and not been able to see the kids again! But I see what everyone is saying and I never was let go, so maybe I'd have felt differently if I had been.

And OP never said the nanny did "shitty work," just that they found a better fit.

oP said the nanny was bad with kids. What does that tell you?
Anyone want a doctor who is bad at surgery or diagnoses?

No, OP said and I quote: "The current person is very nice, yet I don't think great with the kids and overall, the right fit for our family."

This nanny might be great with infants and newborns bit not older kids: she might be great with smarter kids but not average kids; she might be great with strict parents but not with more lax parents; she might be great with athletic kids but not readers/nerdy kids -- not every nanny, no matter how good, is the right fit for every family.

Like any executive in any field, the MB/DB must take some responsibility for hiring the wrong person and/or not asking the right questions. That is why any employee deserves two weeks severance after six months of work.

[Anonymous]

OP here -
let me clarify a bit; I was trying not to get into too much detail, but this might be helpful. Her tone is very harsh with them. I believe this to be cultural and also personality, meaning, when I see her get overwhelmed, she tends to scold them, as opposed to firmly telling them and moving on or re-directling their energy. She doesn't seem to know what to do or how to handle high energy, and tends to lash out and repeat and repeat in a very harsh and scolding way. This is not a fit for our family. But, as I am trying to be sensitive to her personality and cultural background or tendencies, I don't want to lay into her. She has done a fine job; just not the right fit for us, which is why I want to move on, yet be sensitive, but ultimately let her go b/c to us, sensitivity and respect towards the kids is a non-negotiator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -
let me clarify a bit; I was trying not to get into too much detail, but this might be helpful. Her tone is very harsh with them. I believe this to be cultural and also personality, meaning, when I see her get overwhelmed, she tends to scold them, as opposed to firmly telling them and moving on or re-directling their energy. She doesn't seem to know what to do or how to handle high energy, and tends to lash out and repeat and repeat in a very harsh and scolding way. This is not a fit for our family. But, as I am trying to be sensitive to her personality and cultural background or tendencies, I don't want to lay into her. She has done a fine job; just not the right fit for us, which is why I want to move on, yet be sensitive, but ultimately let her go b/c to us, sensitivity and respect towards the kids is a non-negotiator.

Oh, so yet another MB who should've hired an American instead of a cheap foreign nanny. You get what you pay for in many cases.

[Anonymous]

not true. in some cases it doesn't work out, but that doesn't mean anything.
goodluck op.

[Anonymous]

Find a new nanny first and set up a start date.

The day before the start date (or the Friday before, which is probably best), set a meeting with your nanny for 1 hour to 30 minutes before the end of the day. Have your spouse keep the kids during that time. Explain that you are letting her go, exchange check for unused vacation days + two weeks severance for the keys. Thank her for her work to the extent you think is reasonable. See her out.

Since you are not firing her "for cause" you should give severance. You also owe her her unused vacation. As another PP said, you do not need to pay for unused sick time.