Au pair- 6 year old touched her private part

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry that you and your AP are going through this.

My two cents is that you have to rematch. I believe your AP over reacted, but it doesn't matter, i don't see how you can rebuild the relationship between your AP and your son. It is over. Your son should be the priorty. Sorry, i know this sucks.

BTW, my DD and DS, 6 and 5, are obsessed with boobs and my AP takes it in stride and tells ME it is normal, when I get concerned.

Maybe you AP has some prior history, and it may be sad, but it doesn't matter. You can fix this relationship.

OP again- thanks. This is what my gut says. To be honest, I really like our Au Pair. She is fun and fits in our family - but probably more with me then the kids- and we have never done rematch so this is hard. My husband is very worried she will not like our son after this though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just get a new Au pair. I feel bad for her and she'll be miserable with a host mom like you. Ugh

Why? I am a caring host mom, who really treats our au pair like family. Should I call the police on my 6 year old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just get a new Au pair. I feel bad for her and she'll be miserable with a host mom like you. Ugh

Why? I am a caring host mom, who really treats our au pair like family. Should I call the police on my 6 year old?

Nothing you've posted makes you seem like a caring host mom. You've been angry with her reaction, annoyed, and worried how she'll treat your son. Haven't acknowledged various pps who said she may have been assaulted before and that's why she's reacting like this. Did you see the incident?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just get a new Au pair. I feel bad for her and she'll be miserable with a host mom like you. Ugh

Why? I am a caring host mom, who really treats our au pair like family. Should I call the police on my 6 year old?

Nothing you've posted makes you seem like a caring host mom. You've been angry with her reaction, annoyed, and worried how she'll treat your son. Haven't acknowledged various pps who said she may have been assaulted before and that's why she's reacting like this. Did you see the incident?

I do understand something may have happened before and I dont expect her to tell me if she doesnt want to, but I have no way of knowing or predicting what my son will do. I hugged her, said I was sorry, and asked what I could have done or do to make it better. What else should I do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just get a new Au pair. I feel bad for her and she'll be miserable with a host mom like you. Ugh

Why? I am a caring host mom, who really treats our au pair like family. Should I call the police on my 6 year old?

Nothing you've posted makes you seem like a caring host mom. You've been angry with her reaction, annoyed, and worried how she'll treat your son. Haven't acknowledged various pps who said she may have been assaulted before and that's why she's reacting like this. Did you see the incident?

I do understand something may have happened before and I dont expect her to tell me if she doesnt want to, but I have no way of knowing or predicting what my son will do. I hugged her, said I was sorry, and asked what I could have done or do to make it better. What else should I do?

Not be mad at her for reacting as she did? I get it, you will never get it. Which is why you're better of re matching

[Anonymous]

OP, did you see what happened? I'm wondering if he ran by and purposely grabbed her crotch. (My 4 year old charge did this to boobs a couple of times). That's very different than what you think happened and makes Au pairs reaction more understandable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you see what happened? I'm wondering if he ran by and purposely grabbed her crotch. (My 4 year old charge did this to boobs a couple of times). That's very different than what you think happened and makes Au pairs reaction more understandable.

Ni I didnt- but she did say that was NOT what he did. Either way- she can be upset, that does not make me angry. I am upset with my son for doing this. I just do not see what more I can do, and do not think if all else is great, it justifies her reaction of thinking my son is a terrible kid and that this is "not normal behavior " for a 6 year old. I cant say much more then I have to her- I have tried to comfort her all night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you see what happened? I'm wondering if he ran by and purposely grabbed her crotch. (My 4 year old charge did this to boobs a couple of times). That's very different than what you think happened and makes Au pairs reaction more understandable.

Ni I didnt- but she did say that was NOT what he did. Either way- she can be upset, that does not make me angry. I am upset with my son for doing this. I just do not see what more I can do, and do not think if all else is great, it justifies her reaction of thinking my son is a terrible kid and that this is "not normal behavior " for a 6 year old. I cant say much more then I have to her- I have tried to comfort her all night.

Maybe not all is great and this was the last straw. She's clearly not happy with your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just get a new Au pair. I feel bad for her and she'll be miserable with a host mom like you. Ugh

Why? I am a caring host mom, who really treats our au pair like family. Should I call the police on my 6 year old?

Nothing you've posted makes you seem like a caring host mom. You've been angry with her reaction, annoyed, and worried how she'll treat your son. Haven't acknowledged various pps who said she may have been assaulted before and that's why she's reacting like this. Did you see the incident?

I do understand something may have happened before and I dont expect her to tell me if she doesnt want to, but I have no way of knowing or predicting what my son will do. I hugged her, said I was sorry, and asked what I could have done or do to make it better. What else should I do?

Not be mad at her for reacting as she did? I get it, you will never get it. Which is why you're better of re matching

WHo said I was mad at her???! I am just confused as to my next steps.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for the grief you are getting OP. I agree with the feedback you have received regarding trying to help her understand that this is pretty normal behaviour for a boy his age. My kids are simiilar. Explain to her what kind of response would work best to discourage the behaviour - you'd had some great suggestions from PPs on this. I think being overly punitive sends a message that could lead to a sense of shame, so obviously it is important to be calm and give a firm but loving explanation about respecting other peoples' bodies. If the AP's mother thinks that hitting would be an appropriate response, I think this tells you that there is a cultural difference in approach to this issue. It is true that the AP could have had a traumatic experience in the past that makes her particularly sensitive, but it could also be that she was raised in a culture that has stronger taboos about private parts. So it might seem like an over-reaction to us, but in her culture that might not be the case. I hope you can find a way past this, good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just get a new Au pair. I feel bad for her and she'll be miserable with a host mom like you. Ugh

Why? I am a caring host mom, who really treats our au pair like family. Should I call the police on my 6 year old?

Nothing you've posted makes you seem like a caring host mom. You've been angry with her reaction, annoyed, and worried how she'll treat your son. Haven't acknowledged various pps who said she may have been assaulted before and that's why she's reacting like this. Did you see the incident?

I do understand something may have happened before and I dont expect her to tell me if she doesnt want to, but I have no way of knowing or predicting what my son will do. I hugged her, said I was sorry, and asked what I could have done or do to make it better. What else should I do?

Not be mad at her for reacting as she did? I get it, you will never get it. Which is why you're better of re matching

WHo said I was mad at her???! I am just confused as to my next steps.

I am back and forth between mad at her reaction and mad at my son.

I don't even think you realized you said this, or even that you feel this way. That may very well be the problem. She's very upset, for whatever reason, and you really don't get to judge that. This is not her fault whatsoever, and she may be picking up on the fact that you expect her to just get over it. Your post also indicates that this is not the first time he's done something like this, and it may not be the first time he's done it to her. I agree with others that you'll probably need to rematch. Not because she's so upset, but because you can't be supportive and want it all neatly swept under the rug.

[Anonymous]

Inexcusable for a 6 yr old. I don't blame the OP, I would also be upset. What would happen if he does this to a teacher or classmate. I'd also want to rematch if I were OP.

[Anonymous]

The agency should drop you. OP, this is a serious matter and you need to treat it as serious, not a " boys will be boys" incident.

[Anonymous]

Your au pair sounds very immature.

FWIW, my 6 year old grabbed my friend's au pair's breast (and never my au pair or mine for that matter.) It was totally innocent. He was curious because she's very well endowed but had no idea it was off-limits and has no concept of it being something sexual. We just told him that it's a private part and not to do that again, and when we was out of earshot we all laughed. I apologized to my friend's au pair who just sort of smirked and shrugged and laughed herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The agency should drop you. OP, this is a serious matter and you need to treat it as serious, not a " boys will be boys" incident.

I am not- and what would you suggest is a correct punishment?