MBs! Please weigh in. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

MB here, and also someone who employs/hires/supervises people in my 9-5 job.

You always need to put your own best interests first. No employer can/should expect an employee to sacrifice themselves for someone else's best interest. People get better offers and leave all the time - that's how the world works.

As an employer, if I had hired you away from a prior position before that family was ready to lose you I would not have told you this far in advance that your position with us would be ending. Your employer took a risk in giving you this much notice, and they probably are regretting that decision.

I don't think nanny positions are ones where you search for a job that isn't starting (or for which you're not available) until 3 or 4 months from now - the lead time is shorter, families want more immediate start dates, and tons of lead time on open positions does not seem to be the norm.

So, my assumptions/two cents re your particular situation is that you sound experienced enough to know that if you started a job search in April for positions not beginning until August, that wasn't the likeliest outcome.

I can't really fault you for looking out for yourself - as I said at the start. But I do feel for your current family - who probably felt they were acting in good faith when being extremely upfront with you about the job duration, and now having to pay the price.

I don't think you were especially generous with the notice period either. You could have given them 3 or 4 weeks or made some effort to acknowledge that you were leaving significantly earlier than you know they had planned.

So your MB's behavior is wrong. But can you honestly say you expected her to be happy for you? I'm not impressed with your behavior either frankly, and if I were interviewing you, and knew your history of job transition, I would never give you more than a month's notice that the job was ending.

I do believe in some level of karma and "you reap what you sow". So if/when your new family only gives you two weeks notice that they won't need you any longer that will be the price that you pay for making it clear that you will not stay in a position any longer than works for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here, and also someone who employs/hires/supervises people in my 9-5 job.

You always need to put your own best interests first. No employer can/should expect an employee to sacrifice themselves for someone else's best interest. People get better offers and leave all the time - that's how the world works.

As an employer, if I had hired you away from a prior position before that family was ready to lose you I would not have told you this far in advance that your position with us would be ending. Your employer took a risk in giving you this much notice, and they probably are regretting that decision.

I don't think nanny positions are ones where you search for a job that isn't starting (or for which you're not available) until 3 or 4 months from now - the lead time is shorter, families want more immediate start dates, and tons of lead time on open positions does not seem to be the norm.

So, my assumptions/two cents re your particular situation is that you sound experienced enough to know that if you started a job search in April for positions not beginning until August, that wasn't the likeliest outcome.

I can't really fault you for looking out for yourself - as I said at the start. But I do feel for your current family - who probably felt they were acting in good faith when being extremely upfront with you about the job duration, and now having to pay the price.

I don't think you were especially generous with the notice period either. You could have given them 3 or 4 weeks or made some effort to acknowledge that you were leaving significantly earlier than you know they had planned.

So your MB's behavior is wrong. But can you honestly say you expected her to be happy for you? I'm not impressed with your behavior either frankly, and if I were interviewing you, and knew your history of job transition, I would never give you more than a month's notice that the job was ending.

I do believe in some level of karma and "you reap what you sow". So if/when your new family only gives you two weeks notice that they won't need you any longer that will be the price that you pay for making it clear that you will not stay in a position any longer than works for you.

OP again. You make some valid points and I agree that karma does have her way eventually. However, I was just hired Sunday and gave notice Monday. My contract says 2 weeks and that's what I gave. I'm not in DC so maybe it's different there, but here in my area of NC, there are many families looking now for fall care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here, and also someone who employs/hires/supervises people in my 9-5 job.

You always need to put your own best interests first. No employer can/should expect an employee to sacrifice themselves for someone else's best interest. People get better offers and leave all the time - that's how the world works.

As an employer, if I had hired you away from a prior position before that family was ready to lose you I would not have told you this far in advance that your position with us would be ending. Your employer took a risk in giving you this much notice, and they probably are regretting that decision.

I don't think nanny positions are ones where you search for a job that isn't starting (or for which you're not available) until 3 or 4 months from now - the lead time is shorter, families want more immediate start dates, and tons of lead time on open positions does not seem to be the norm.

So, my assumptions/two cents re your particular situation is that you sound experienced enough to know that if you started a job search in April for positions not beginning until August, that wasn't the likeliest outcome.

I can't really fault you for looking out for yourself - as I said at the start. But I do feel for your current family - who probably felt they were acting in good faith when being extremely upfront with you about the job duration, and now having to pay the price.

I don't think you were especially generous with the notice period either. You could have given them 3 or 4 weeks or made some effort to acknowledge that you were leaving significantly earlier than you know they had planned.

So your MB's behavior is wrong. But can you honestly say you expected her to be happy for you? I'm not impressed with your behavior either frankly, and if I were interviewing you, and knew your history of job transition, I would never give you more than a month's notice that the job was ending.

I do believe in some level of karma and "you reap what you sow". So if/when your new family only gives you two weeks notice that they won't need you any longer that will be the price that you pay for making it clear that you will not stay in a position any longer than works for you.

OP again. You make some valid points and I agree that karma does have her way eventually. However, I was just hired Sunday and gave notice Monday. My contract says 2 weeks and that's what I gave. I'm not in DC so maybe it's different there, but here in my area of NC, there are many families looking now for fall care.

Honey, PP meant karma will get YOU. Not your boss, YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here, and also someone who employs/hires/supervises people in my 9-5 job.

You always need to put your own best interests first. No employer can/should expect an employee to sacrifice themselves for someone else's best interest. People get better offers and leave all the time - that's how the world works.

As an employer, if I had hired you away from a prior position before that family was ready to lose you I would not have told you this far in advance that your position with us would be ending. Your employer took a risk in giving you this much notice, and they probably are regretting that decision.

I don't think nanny positions are ones where you search for a job that isn't starting (or for which you're not available) until 3 or 4 months from now - the lead time is shorter, families want more immediate start dates, and tons of lead time on open positions does not seem to be the norm.

So, my assumptions/two cents re your particular situation is that you sound experienced enough to know that if you started a job search in April for positions not beginning until August, that wasn't the likeliest outcome.

I can't really fault you for looking out for yourself - as I said at the start. But I do feel for your current family - who probably felt they were acting in good faith when being extremely upfront with you about the job duration, and now having to pay the price.

I don't think you were especially generous with the notice period either. You could have given them 3 or 4 weeks or made some effort to acknowledge that you were leaving significantly earlier than you know they had planned.

So your MB's behavior is wrong. But can you honestly say you expected her to be happy for you? I'm not impressed with your behavior either frankly, and if I were interviewing you, and knew your history of job transition, I would never give you more than a month's notice that the job was ending.

I do believe in some level of karma and "you reap what you sow". So if/when your new family only gives you two weeks notice that they won't need you any longer that will be the price that you pay for making it clear that you will not stay in a position any longer than works for you.

OP again. You make some valid points and I agree that karma does have her way eventually. However, I was just hired Sunday and gave notice Monday. My contract says 2 weeks and that's what I gave. I'm not in DC so maybe it's different there, but here in my area of NC, there are many families looking now for fall care.

Honey, PP meant karma will get YOU. Not your boss, YOU.

Yes. I knew exactly what she meant.

[Anonymous]

Another MB here. Your MB should definitely not have yelled at you and she probably never anticipated you leaving this soon when they gave you advance notice of the job ending in August. I understand where you are coming from in that it is important to find the right family/nanny and it can be difficult. I wonder if she ever really thought about whether 2 weeks would be enough. Our contract calls for 30 days because I know how important it is to me to have the right person looking after my child and the stress of trying to find someone with only two weeks would make me irritable and probably cause me to lose my cool. Have you offered to do anything to ease the transition? I know you said you are just exercising your rights under your contract but if your MB was nice enough to give you significant notice of when they would no longer need you, you may want to consider doing something just as considerate like helping them find a new nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another MB here. Your MB should definitely not have yelled at you and she probably never anticipated you leaving this soon when they gave you advance notice of the job ending in August. I understand where you are coming from in that it is important to find the right family/nanny and it can be difficult. I wonder if she ever really thought about whether 2 weeks would be enough. Our contract calls for 30 days because I know how important it is to me to have the right person looking after my child and the stress of trying to find someone with only two weeks would make me irritable and probably cause me to lose my cool. Have you offered to do anything to ease the transition? I know you said you are just exercising your rights under your contract but if your MB was nice enough to give you significant notice of when they would no longer need you, you may want to consider doing something just as considerate like helping them find a new nanny.

I have not. When she started yelling and saying how horrible I am I just let her vent.

[Anonymous]

OP, the bottom line is that you just screwed yourself out of a reference. If you were at all experience in this field, then you would know that 1) August is a tough time to start a new position and 2) no one is going to be looking for a nanny to starting August right now. When they told you that they plan to keep you until August but then would be letting you go, it is understandable that you may have been concerned about finding a new position at that time of year. If that were the case, the professional thing to do would have been to either tell them immediately that you are not comfortable waiting until August and arrange to work until the end of the school year instead, or negotiate a bonus if you stay through the end of August. If your work history and other qualifications are such that you feel confident that you could get a new position at any time of year, then the professional thing to do would be to start looking for a new position eight weeks before this position ended.

While I obviously agree that your MB should have handled her frustration better, her frustration is justified. You verbally agreed to stay until August, but started looking at jobs well before August start dates would be available. Then, despite the fact that they went out of their way to give you ample notice so that you could lineup another job, you gave them the bare minimum of notice after (again) having verbally committed to be there until August. I think it is very understandable that your boss feel that you lied to her and did the bare minimum according to your contract when she had gone out of her way to be considerate towards you.

I hope that you have many many years of nanny experience, because otherwise the lost reference from this employer is going to make it much harder for you to find a good job next time around.

[Anonymous]

So OP, you wrote initially requesting feedback from MBs. It seems like all you have done is argue with the feedback you got.

There's general consensus that your MB acted poorly, but there is a fair amount of consensus that your behavior was less than ideal.

If you don't want to hear anything other than how terribly you were wronged you shouldn't have asked for feedback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the bottom line is that you just screwed yourself out of a reference. If you were at all experience in this field, then you would know that 1) August is a tough time to start a new position and 2) no one is going to be looking for a nanny to starting August right now. When they told you that they plan to keep you until August but then would be letting you go, it is understandable that you may have been concerned about finding a new position at that time of year. If that were the case, the professional thing to do would have been to either tell them immediately that you are not comfortable waiting until August and arrange to work until the end of the school year instead, or negotiate a bonus if you stay through the end of August. If your work history and other qualifications are such that you feel confident that you could get a new position at any time of year, then the professional thing to do would be to start looking for a new position eight weeks before this position ended.

While I obviously agree that your MB should have handled her frustration better, her frustration is justified. You verbally agreed to stay until August, but started looking at jobs well before August start dates would be available. Then, despite the fact that they went out of their way to give you ample notice so that you could lineup another job, you gave them the bare minimum of notice after (again) having verbally committed to be there until August. I think it is very understandable that your boss feel that you lied to her and did the bare minimum according to your contract when she had gone out of her way to be considerate towards you.

I hope that you have many many years of nanny experience, because otherwise the lost reference from this employer is going to make it much harder for you to find a good job next time around.

OP here. I am not at all worried about a reference from this MB. I had already gotten a letter of recommendation from her when I interviewed in April for a friend of hers looking for a nanny but ended up turning that job down. The long and the short of it is I gave the notice time she asked for, and while I feel bad I won't see my charges anymore, I don't feel bad about leaving. This is the same MB who I posted about previously who paid me 120$ for 96hrs of work because my fee "wasn't in their budget".
I feel zero loyalty to this family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I feel zero loyalty to this family.

I think you made that abundantly clear in your actions, and everything you have said here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So OP, you wrote initially requesting feedback from MBs. It seems like all you have done is argue with the feedback you got.

There's general consensus that your MB acted poorly, but there is a fair amount of consensus that your behavior was less than ideal.

If you don't want to hear anything other than how terribly you were wronged you shouldn't have asked for feedback.

I fail to see where I have argued with anyone's point, and in fact did agree to some points made about how I handled the situation. Is posting a follow up comment really considered arguing? In my experience that's typically referred to as a discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the bottom line is that you just screwed yourself out of a reference. If you were at all experience in this field, then you would know that 1) August is a tough time to start a new position and 2) no one is going to be looking for a nanny to starting August right now. When they told you that they plan to keep you until August but then would be letting you go, it is understandable that you may have been concerned about finding a new position at that time of year. If that were the case, the professional thing to do would have been to either tell them immediately that you are not comfortable waiting until August and arrange to work until the end of the school year instead, or negotiate a bonus if you stay through the end of August. If your work history and other qualifications are such that you feel confident that you could get a new position at any time of year, then the professional thing to do would be to start looking for a new position eight weeks before this position ended.

While I obviously agree that your MB should have handled her frustration better, her frustration is justified. You verbally agreed to stay until August, but started looking at jobs well before August start dates would be available. Then, despite the fact that they went out of their way to give you ample notice so that you could lineup another job, you gave them the bare minimum of notice after (again) having verbally committed to be there until August. I think it is very understandable that your boss feel that you lied to her and did the bare minimum according to your contract when she had gone out of her way to be considerate towards you.

I hope that you have many many years of nanny experience, because otherwise the lost reference from this employer is going to make it much harder for you to find a good job next time around.

OP here. I am not at all worried about a reference from this MB. I had already gotten a letter of recommendation from her when I interviewed in April for a friend of hers looking for a nanny but ended up turning that job down. The long and the short of it is I gave the notice time she asked for, and while I feel bad I won't see my charges anymore, I don't feel bad about leaving. This is the same MB who I posted about previously who paid me 120$ for 96hrs of work because my fee "wasn't in their budget".
I feel zero loyalty to this family.

MB here. I would never accept a reference letter if I couldn't call the person to follow up. Providing a letter in place of a number is a red flag that the former MB is going to tell me something you don't want me to hear. I don't know anyone else who would accept just a letter either. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you were wrong to accept a job a quarter of a year before your end-date. I think you were wrong to allow yourself to be poached from your old employer. I think your MB was wrong to yell at you - she could have told you without yelling how frustrated and disappointed she was in you for leaving them a quarter of a year early.

+1000. Your MB shouldn't be surprised you are leaving early. You've already proved how unloyal and money hungry you are, by letting her " poach you". If I found this out about any future candidate, I would never hire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the bottom line is that you just screwed yourself out of a reference. If you were at all experience in this field, then you would know that 1) August is a tough time to start a new position and 2) no one is going to be looking for a nanny to starting August right now. When they told you that they plan to keep you until August but then would be letting you go, it is understandable that you may have been concerned about finding a new position at that time of year. If that were the case, the professional thing to do would have been to either tell them immediately that you are not comfortable waiting until August and arrange to work until the end of the school year instead, or negotiate a bonus if you stay through the end of August. If your work history and other qualifications are such that you feel confident that you could get a new position at any time of year, then the professional thing to do would be to start looking for a new position eight weeks before this position ended.

While I obviously agree that your MB should have handled her frustration better, her frustration is justified. You verbally agreed to stay until August, but started looking at jobs well before August start dates would be available. Then, despite the fact that they went out of their way to give you ample notice so that you could lineup another job, you gave them the bare minimum of notice after (again) having verbally committed to be there until August. I think it is very understandable that your boss feel that you lied to her and did the bare minimum according to your contract when she had gone out of her way to be considerate towards you.

I hope that you have many many years of nanny experience, because otherwise the lost reference from this employer is going to make it much harder for you to find a good job next time around.

OP here. I am not at all worried about a reference from this MB. I had already gotten a letter of recommendation from her when I interviewed in April for a friend of hers looking for a nanny but ended up turning that job down. The long and the short of it is I gave the notice time she asked for, and while I feel bad I won't see my charges anymore, I don't feel bad about leaving. This is the same MB who I posted about previously who paid me 120$ for 96hrs of work because my fee "wasn't in their budget".
I feel zero loyalty to this family.

MB here. I would never accept a reference letter if I couldn't call the person to follow up. Providing a letter in place of a number is a red flag that the former MB is going to tell me something you don't want me to hear. I don't know anyone else who would accept just a letter either. Sorry.

A longtime nanny will likely have plenty of glowing, professional references.
One disgruntled ex-employer is hardly going to keep a nanny from finding a good job.
Having a reference letter from this woman will prove that she was happy up until the end of her job.
OP can prove that her job performance wasn't an issue. The MB's piss poor attitude is.

[Anonymous]

I think it's perfect timing. There should be a pool of applicants for the summer. It would have been harder to find a job after August.