If your nanny smoked pot....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never smoked or did drugs, and that is an example that I model for my own children.

So yes, in my case, since I wish to model drug-free behavior, I would not hire a nanny who I knew smoked marijuana. In the same way that many parents might not hire a nanny who smoked or drank (because they want models of healthy behavior for their children.

However, from my years lurking in the DCUM forums, I bet that there are many parents who would probably join the nanny.

I feel the same.

Uh, children would never know if a nanny smoked pot or drank beer because they would never do it in front of them, so your "model healthy behavior" argument is fatally flawed. You can just say you're biased, it's okay.

PP, I prefer to speak my native Spanish whenever the opportunity presents itself in public, at stores, in restaurants, at schools, in church. You would probably prefer that I speak English when I am around you and your family. Does that mean that you are biased?

Could you try to explain that again? I don't understand the comparison at all.

I am saying that what a nanny does in her private life - not posted on FB, not discussed with the parents, not done in front of the children (nor discussed with them) - is irrelevant. When you look for a nanny who will "model" healthy behavior, you are looking for someone who makes specific choices (drinking only water, not eating fast food, walking rather than driving when possible, whatever) when she is working. The PP cannot argue that she would be right in firing a nanny who did ______ privately because she needs someone who will model healthy behavior because, in fact, the nanny IS modeling healthy behavior.

And you are saying that you are understandably more comfortable using your native language, but that you think an employer would want someone who could speak her language with herself and her children? I guess I agree, at least with the speaking to the parents part. Obviously an MB wants to be able to communicate with her nanny. But so what? How on earth are these two points connected?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, I live in California as well. If I did not know about your drug use, then I would not mind. However, with several teenagers in the family who I do not want to smoke marijuana, if I found out about your marijuana use (though legal here) then honestly, yes, it would make a difference to me.

I would let you go because it is not the healthy example I want set by someone my children like, admire and spend time with. And if I was able to discover your use, then they would too -- teenagers are smart like that.

I'm 18:11 and 21:37 and I think this is completely legitimate.

[Anonymous]

Even though it's fairly harmless if done privately it's still don't ask don't tell here in California if your a pot smoking nanny. Nannies are held to a higher standard by parents and well they really do not want to know if their nanny drinks, smokes weed, has sex, curses, loses her temper or isn't a perfect person when children aren't around. I often think they want a nun instead of a nanny. Parents, we are human beings, we have vices like everyone.

[Anonymous]

CA poster here. I do not generally care what a nanny does on her own time, as that is their business.

However, when the nanny's personal time is spent on an activity that I personally do not agree with, and that I in fact would prefer to keep my children steered away from -- then I will care to the extent I know about it.

Suppose the nanny is an anti-gay rights activist on their free time, or a staunch, deport-them, anti-immigrant proponent on weekends.

Now my sister-in-law is lesbian, and I am the daughter of Latino immigrants, so I do not want even the "slightest", infinitesimal risk that my children see those values in someone they trust, respect and love -- as children do trust, respect and love their nanny.

My father was a pack-a-day smoker when I was a child, and he quit cold turkey for my sisters and me. He begged us never to smoke, but for one of my sisters the example our wonderful, beloved dad had set was too hard to ignore.

Why the digression? Because though my father tried never to smoke in front of us, my little sisters and I could still smell it in his car, on his clothes, in the ashes that had fallen in the cracks beneath the car seats or sofa cushions.

In the case of our own nanny, she has always driven the children around in her own car. Even if you as our nanny smoke marijuana on your own time, it is still possible that there is residual evidence of that habit in your car, on your clothes, in your hair. Children are observant creatures and one simple, little telltale clue or sign is enough for them to figure things out.

Or suppose that you, as a nanny who smokes marijuana, are driving and talking with my teenagers. My kids have told me little stories from many conversations they have enjoyed with their nanny over the years.

What if my teen mentions marijuana, or you find some in their bag, how can you be expected to deny or betray your own values to reprimand them or say "you shouldn't smoke that", when in fact you see no problem with it.

Role models -- and nannies who spend any time caring for their kids over a period of years are definitely role models -- are figures our children respect, love, look up to and want to emulate. I recognize that it is a thorny issue, but I find it easier to work with a nanny whose personal behavior (even on their own time) does not conflict with the examples I try to set for my children everyday.

[Anonymous]

I have had an MB (and DB) that have smoked before. I have been a live-in with the same. I smoked less than they did, back when I actually did. One of my current MBs is totally cool, and wouldn't care if I smoked. She doesn't but used to and some of her friends that come visit do. We live in CA and it is pretty common out here. The attitude is more of a personal level, if someone wants to or not, but we aren't so judgmental about it.

On a side note, how would parents react if it was in a state that smoking was legal (medicinal or recreational) and the nanny smoked ONLY for medicinal reasons? Would you have a problem with that, even if they preferred to not smoke pot but it was the only thing that helped them, or it was better than taking other prescriptions meds instead?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if my teen mentions marijuana, or you find some in their bag, how can you be expected to deny or betray your own values to reprimand them or say "you shouldn't smoke that", when in fact you see no problem with it.

Very easily. I can drink coffee every day if I wish to, as an adult, but I would also tell a child that I saw trying to drink some coffee that they shouldn't drink that. Or not to eat a cliff bar that has caffeine in it, even if they eat other cliff bars that don't have caffeine in them.

I also listen to punk music. You might not want your 8 yr old listening to punk music, which would be totally fine. But would you expect me, an adult, to NOT listen to punk music on my own time because you think that would give your kids the wrong idea? That my wearing a shirt that says The Misfits on it would be horrifying for you? That they cannot see cds in my car from Social Distortion or whatever band it may be? You are living in a fantasy world, and will have kids that are way too sheltered. Out here there are people that are smoking weed on the train or bus. How are you going to explain that to your kids? They walk in a park and see someone smoking a joint, and that person happens to be wearing a suit and tie? Can't say that they are all losers that have destroyed their lives, when that person works in the financial district and earns more money than you do.

[Anonymous]

I live in CA and want to make it clear. It is legal if you have a medical marijuana card. But only the state laws protect you. If the DEA Federal Agents catch you, you are in violation of Federal law which takes full precedence over State law.

So it is NEVER 100% legal to smoke pot in CA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mb here. Dh and I have smoked together since we met 5 yrs ago. I don't smoke around kids obviously but still do nonetheless. Hiring a nanny, I would want her to certainly be 420 friendly and not panic to know that we partoke but I don't want a pot head.

I fixed that for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if my teen mentions marijuana, or you find some in their bag, how can you be expected to deny or betray your own values to reprimand them or say "you shouldn't smoke that", when in fact you see no problem with it.

Very easily. I can drink coffee every day if I wish to, as an adult, but I would also tell a child that I saw trying to drink some coffee that they shouldn't drink that. Or not to eat a cliff bar that has caffeine in it, even if they eat other cliff bars that don't have caffeine in them.

I also listen to punk music. You might not want your 8 yr old listening to punk music, which would be totally fine. But would you expect me, an adult, to NOT listen to punk music on my own time because you think that would give your kids the wrong idea? That my wearing a shirt that says The Misfits on it would be horrifying for you? That they cannot see cds in my car from Social Distortion or whatever band it may be? You are living in a fantasy world, and will have kids that are way too sheltered. Out here there are people that are smoking weed on the train or bus. How are you going to explain that to your kids? They walk in a park and see someone smoking a joint, and that person happens to be wearing a suit and tie? Can't say that they are all losers that have destroyed their lives, when that person works in the financial district and earns more money than you do.

I drink caffeine in front of my children, although I will not permit them to do so. I have no doubt that when I grow up, they will drink caffeine also -- in no small part because they have seen me do it all of their young lives.

Music does not affect minds, but I had a friend who started with pot in high school, and honestly I do not think that his brain chemistry was ever the same nor was his story pretty (read Beautiful Boy).. Accidental exposure to caffeine or punk music, come on (!), are you serious?

[Anonymous]

MB here.

I drink sometimes, haven't smoked pot in 20years but can't say I never did, ascribe to the "live and let live" theory and believe that what my nanny does in her personal time is absolutely none of my business unless it impacts my children or her ability to do her job in some way.

If I somehow discovered that she got high occasionally (exclusively on non-working time, not before she came to work, etc...) I'd still consider it none of my business and irrelevant to her job performance or security. I would however, make our position on it clear in that we want absolutely zero exposure to it for our kids.

If she ever smoked around my kids, discussed her smoking/positions on pot with them, had them in her car if it smelled of marijuana or contained any pot related materials, took them to her home and exposed them in any way (even very limited) to her pot use, etc... then that would be the end of her employment with us.

I want to be in charge of how my kids are made aware of drinking, drugs, etc... and what messages they hear for as long as I'm able. If the nanny cannot maintain an absolutely reliable firewall between her work and her personal life if need be, then the fit doesn't work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if my teen mentions marijuana, or you find some in their bag, how can you be expected to deny or betray your own values to reprimand them or say "you shouldn't smoke that", when in fact you see no problem with it.

Very easily. I can drink coffee every day if I wish to, as an adult, but I would also tell a child that I saw trying to drink some coffee that they shouldn't drink that. Or not to eat a cliff bar that has caffeine in it, even if they eat other cliff bars that don't have caffeine in them.

I also listen to punk music. You might not want your 8 yr old listening to punk music, which would be totally fine. But would you expect me, an adult, to NOT listen to punk music on my own time because you think that would give your kids the wrong idea? That my wearing a shirt that says The Misfits on it would be horrifying for you? That they cannot see cds in my car from Social Distortion or whatever band it may be? You are living in a fantasy world, and will have kids that are way too sheltered. Out here there are people that are smoking weed on the train or bus. How are you going to explain that to your kids? They walk in a park and see someone smoking a joint, and that person happens to be wearing a suit and tie? Can't say that they are all losers that have destroyed their lives, when that person works in the financial district and earns more money than you do.

Sheltered kids? Living in a fantasy world? Please, we live in California! My teenagers and younger children are exposed to everything that you can imagine living in one of the largest, and most ethnically, racially, sexually and economically diverse cities in the world (unlike your relatively homogenous DC). Out here you walk two blocks in any direction and you can go from the Chinese mini-cities, to the Mexican neighborhoods, to the super-Waspy enclaves. Armenian, Jewish, Black, White, Asian, Caucasian, El Salvadoran, Mexican, Filipino -- you name it, we have it. Our police do not skirt the homeless to the fringes, or put the "high" in a cell, they walk the streets of our city every day. There is no escape from the "real world" here, which is frankly why I like California. My children are and should be exposed to the realities of the world.

My question to you, would you hire a nanny who -- like me -- opposed drug use? If you were honest with yourself, probably not. You have your bias against my kind, and that is okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if my teen mentions marijuana, or you find some in their bag, how can you be expected to deny or betray your own values to reprimand them or say "you shouldn't smoke that", when in fact you see no problem with it.

Very easily. I can drink coffee every day if I wish to, as an adult, but I would also tell a child that I saw trying to drink some coffee that they shouldn't drink that. Or not to eat a cliff bar that has caffeine in it, even if they eat other cliff bars that don't have caffeine in them.

I also listen to punk music. You might not want your 8 yr old listening to punk music, which would be totally fine. But would you expect me, an adult, to NOT listen to punk music on my own time because you think that would give your kids the wrong idea? That my wearing a shirt that says The Misfits on it would be horrifying for you? That they cannot see cds in my car from Social Distortion or whatever band it may be? You are living in a fantasy world, and will have kids that are way too sheltered. Out here there are people that are smoking weed on the train or bus. How are you going to explain that to your kids? They walk in a park and see someone smoking a joint, and that person happens to be wearing a suit and tie? Can't say that they are all losers that have destroyed their lives, when that person works in the financial district and earns more money than you do.

This. [phone].

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if my teen mentions marijuana, or you find some in their bag, how can you be expected to deny or betray your own values to reprimand them or say "you shouldn't smoke that", when in fact you see no problem with it.

Very easily. I can drink coffee every day if I wish to, as an adult, but I would also tell a child that I saw trying to drink some coffee that they shouldn't drink that. Or not to eat a cliff bar that has caffeine in it, even if they eat other cliff bars that don't have caffeine in them.

I also listen to punk music. You might not want your 8 yr old listening to punk music, which would be totally fine. But would you expect me, an adult, to NOT listen to punk music on my own time because you think that would give your kids the wrong idea? That my wearing a shirt that says The Misfits on it would be horrifying for you? That they cannot see cds in my car from Social Distortion or whatever band it may be? You are living in a fantasy world, and will have kids that are way too sheltered. Out here there are people that are smoking weed on the train or bus. How are you going to explain that to your kids? They walk in a park and see someone smoking a joint, and that person happens to be wearing a suit and tie? Can't say that they are all losers that have destroyed their lives, when that person works in the financial district and earns more money than you do.

This. [phone].

Would you hire a nanny who spent her off-hours advocating against marijuana use? If you are honest with yourself, probably not. It is okay for you to be biased against me, I am fine with that and respect your right to practice your values. A parent has a right to decide who to admit into such a special place in their child's lives.

[Anonymous]

As long as she's a great nanny and doesn't toke up before work, at work or in a vehicle she transports my kids in. I really don't care if she smokes weed, it's her business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as she's a great nanny and doesn't toke up before work, at work or in a vehicle she transports my kids in. I really don't care if she smokes weed, it's her business.

Just curious to previous posters, how would you know if she smoked before work? How do you police that?

I knew a mom who did not hire a potential nanny because the woman gave her a conservative Christian vibe? Does that bother posters also?