If your nanny smoked pot....

[Anonymous]

To the poster whose sister smokes because the "example the dad set", that makes no sense.

If he smoked and she saw that, smoking hurt him.his relationships and she knows all the risks of smoking, that has nothing to do with his example. That has to do with the fact that she made an adult decision knowing the risks and that there are no rewards.

You sound like the same person who would say that 16 and pregnant encourages teen pregnancy. Because the girls on that show look like theyre having a blast right?

[Anonymous]

It's illegal. If it wasn't, as long as it wasn't smoked during work hours, I'd be fine hiring the nanny. Same with smoking. I think it's a bit hypocritical some of these posters have issue with parents who wouldn't hire a nanny who smokes illegal marijuana but they would probably be the same denouncing nannies who smoke cigarettes infrequently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's illegal. If it wasn't, as long as it wasn't smoked during work hours, I'd be fine hiring the nanny. Same with smoking. I think it's a bit hypocritical some of these posters have issue with parents who wouldn't hire a nanny who smokes illegal marijuana but they would probably be the same denouncing nannies who smoke cigarettes infrequently.

Correction 'same ones denouncing a nanny who smokes cigarettes infrequently.'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the poster whose sister smokes because the "example the dad set", that makes no sense.

If he smoked and she saw that, smoking hurt him.his relationships and she knows all the risks of smoking, that has nothing to do with his example. That has to do with the fact that she made an adult decision knowing the risks and that there are no rewards.

You sound like the same person who would say that 16 and pregnant encourages teen pregnancy. Because the girls on that show look like theyre having a blast right?

Here is a fact. Children, all people really, are influenced by the behavior of people they know personally, and the closer the relationship the more the influence. Those people who you do not personally know (like the young women on Sixteen and Pregnant) are not likely to influence your behavior or choices.

I am glad that you brought up the pregnancy example though. The NPR station in Los Angeles ran a piece last week about a doctor at a clinic for unwed mothers who noticed a pattern -- the younger sisters of girls who had gotten pregnant as teenagers, were themselves likely to become unwed, teenage mothers a few years later.

Your parents, your friends, your nannies, your siblings -- all of these close and dear influences can and do affect your behavoir and choices -- hopefully positively -- but sometimes in negative ways (alcoholism, drug use, violence, misogeny). It is somewhat naïve to discount the link between the behavior of those you love, and your own later lifetime choices -- because such a link does exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if my teen mentions marijuana, or you find some in their bag, how can you be expected to deny or betray your own values to reprimand them or say "you shouldn't smoke that", when in fact you see no problem with it.

Very easily. I can drink coffee every day if I wish to, as an adult, but I would also tell a child that I saw trying to drink some coffee that they shouldn't drink that. Or not to eat a cliff bar that has caffeine in it, even if they eat other cliff bars that don't have caffeine in them.

I also listen to punk music. You might not want your 8 yr old listening to punk music, which would be totally fine. But would you expect me, an adult, to NOT listen to punk music on my own time because you think that would give your kids the wrong idea? That my wearing a shirt that says The Misfits on it would be horrifying for you? That they cannot see cds in my car from Social Distortion or whatever band it may be? You are living in a fantasy world, and will have kids that are way too sheltered. Out here there are people that are smoking weed on the train or bus. How are you going to explain that to your kids? They walk in a park and see someone smoking a joint, and that person happens to be wearing a suit and tie? Can't say that they are all losers that have destroyed their lives, when that person works in the financial district and earns more money than you do.

Sheltered kids? Living in a fantasy world? Please, we live in California! My teenagers and younger children are exposed to everything that you can imagine living in one of the largest, and most ethnically, racially, sexually and economically diverse cities in the world (unlike your relatively homogenous DC). Out here you walk two blocks in any direction and you can go from the Chinese mini-cities, to the Mexican neighborhoods, to the super-Waspy enclaves. Armenian, Jewish, Black, White, Asian, Caucasian, El Salvadoran, Mexican, Filipino -- you name it, we have it. Our police do not skirt the homeless to the fringes, or put the "high" in a cell, they walk the streets of our city every day. There is no escape from the "real world" here, which is frankly why I like California. My children are and should be exposed to the realities of the world.

My question to you, would you hire a nanny who -- like me -- opposed drug use? If you were honest with yourself, probably not. You have your bias against my kind, and that is okay.

I am the PP you quoted above. I am not a parent and I am not in DC. I am in SF. I was trying to make a point to those that I can do what I please as an adult, and yet still follow parents rules or what shouldn't be advocated to children. I can drink coffee every day and still tell them that they can't, and that it really isn't the greatest thing for them to do. Because honestly, there are no benefits to your body from drinking the stuff but there are negatives (even if not that drastic). I can take kids on BART and have them see people smoking on the train, ask what that smell is and as per parents instructions, tell them what their parents want them to learn from that experience. That doesn't mean that I have to be against smoking pot myself, but I can also be against smoking it in public where there might be children around. I was saying that the parents who don't want their kids to ever hear about people smoking pot, or smelling what it smells like, will end up with more sheltered kids in relation to those that experience seeing people smoke and learning why it is bad for them to do it (number one because it is usually illegal, and they would be breaking the law). The parents trying to hide their kids from that type of exposure are living in a fantasy world. A parent like you, that can see how it can be beneficial to your children to see the realities of the world, you are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if my teen mentions marijuana, or you find some in their bag, how can you be expected to deny or betray your own values to reprimand them or say "you shouldn't smoke that", when in fact you see no problem with it.

Very easily. I can drink coffee every day if I wish to, as an adult, but I would also tell a child that I saw trying to drink some coffee that they shouldn't drink that. Or not to eat a cliff bar that has caffeine in it, even if they eat other cliff bars that don't have caffeine in them.

I also listen to punk music. You might not want your 8 yr old listening to punk music, which would be totally fine. But would you expect me, an adult, to NOT listen to punk music on my own time because you think that would give your kids the wrong idea? That my wearing a shirt that says The Misfits on it would be horrifying for you? That they cannot see cds in my car from Social Distortion or whatever band it may be? You are living in a fantasy world, and will have kids that are way too sheltered. Out here there are people that are smoking weed on the train or bus. How are you going to explain that to your kids? They walk in a park and see someone smoking a joint, and that person happens to be wearing a suit and tie? Can't say that they are all losers that have destroyed their lives, when that person works in the financial district and earns more money than you do.

Sheltered kids? Living in a fantasy world? Please, we live in California! My teenagers and younger children are exposed to everything that you can imagine living in one of the largest, and most ethnically, racially, sexually and economically diverse cities in the world (unlike your relatively homogenous DC). Out here you walk two blocks in any direction and you can go from the Chinese mini-cities, to the Mexican neighborhoods, to the super-Waspy enclaves. Armenian, Jewish, Black, White, Asian, Caucasian, El Salvadoran, Mexican, Filipino -- you name it, we have it. Our police do not skirt the homeless to the fringes, or put the "high" in a cell, they walk the streets of our city every day. There is no escape from the "real world" here, which is frankly why I like California. My children are and should be exposed to the realities of the world.

My question to you, would you hire a nanny who -- like me -- opposed drug use? If you were honest with yourself, probably not. You have your bias against my kind, and that is okay.

Sorry, I forgot to answer your last question. No, I would not care about a nanny that opposed drug use. I would hire someone with either mindset, as long as they used my opinions if they came across a real life experience with my children or had them come and talk to me about it. I wouldn't want a nanny to voice her personal opinions to my children or go against other things that I believe in (like if we did time outs, I wouldn't want her to do a different sort of discipline method instead). Just as I wouldn't want her to voice her personal opinions on politics either. I also would expect that a nanny who didn't oppose drug use (talking about pot and not other hardcore drugs) wouldn't be giving them her personal opinions either.