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[quote=Anonymous]CA poster here.  I do not generally care what a nanny does on her own time, as that is their business.

However, when the nanny's personal time is spent on an activity that I personally do not agree with, and that I in fact would prefer to keep my children steered away from -- then I will care to the extent I know about it.

Suppose the nanny is an anti-gay rights activist on their free time, or a staunch, deport-them, anti-immigrant proponent on weekends.

Now my sister-in-law is lesbian, and I am the daughter of Latino immigrants, so I do not want even the "slightest", infinitesimal risk that my children see those values in someone they trust, respect and love -- as children do trust, respect and love their nanny.

My father was a pack-a-day smoker when I was a child, and he quit cold turkey for my sisters and me.  He begged us never to smoke, but for one of my sisters the example our wonderful, beloved dad had set was too hard to ignore.

Why the digression?  Because though my father tried never to smoke in front of us, my little sisters and I could still smell it in his car, on his clothes, in the ashes that had fallen in the cracks beneath the car seats or sofa cushions.

In the case of our own nanny, she has always driven the children around in her own car.  Even if you as our nanny smoke marijuana on your own time, it is still possible that there is residual evidence of that habit in your car, on your clothes, in your hair.  Children are observant creatures and one simple, little telltale clue or sign is enough for them to figure things out.

Or suppose that you, as a nanny who smokes marijuana, are driving and talking with my teenagers.  My kids have told me little stories from many conversations they have enjoyed with their nanny over the years.

What if my teen mentions marijuana, or you find some in their bag, how can you be expected to deny or betray your own values to reprimand them or say "you shouldn't smoke that", when in fact you see no problem with it.

Role models -- and nannies who spend any time caring for their kids over a period of years are definitely role models -- are figures our children respect, love, look up to and want to emulate.  I recognize that it is a thorny issue, but I find it easier to work with a nanny whose personal behavior (even on their own time) does not conflict with the examples I try to set for my children everyday.

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