Why does our nanny want to be paid for two kids when she's only caring for one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, as a nanny I would love to ask you about a lot of your statements here. As a nanny for a preschooler and an infant, I would love to give you examples of how a decent Nanny can cope with 2 kids of different ages.

But I will just ask you this: what sort of relationship do you have with your nanny? Based on your posts, I am imagining a very strictly business "relationship", that is coldly professional at best on your end.

Oh, and have you ever promised this Nanny that a major household shift would not affect her at all, and then not adjusted her wages when she did wind up with additional work? As an example, did you get a pet, swear nanny would never have to do more than greet the pet in the morning, and ignore the fact that she wound up with the majority of pet care duties?

To answer your question OP, your nanny doesn't believe your statements that she will have no responsibilities toward your preschooler. Why?

1) You burned her in the past with no raise after job creep.

2) Previous employers lied to her about an increase in responsibilities after a major household change.

3) Your choice to put a 4-year-old in full time daycare/preschool/institutional care is so out-of-the-box she has never heard of a parent making that decision.

Hope that helps you understand where yournannymaybe coming from.

To answer your question, we have a cordial but professional relationship. I don't believe in becoming best buddies at work; when things are kept professional, both people feel free to bring up their concerns without feeling awkward or constrained by what they think is a personal friendship. I want the nanny to feel free to express how she feels, and I want to feel similarly free without the awkwardness you would feel in a personal context. I keep my end of the professionalism deal by never being late in person or with payment, giving advance notice of any travel etc.

We had no major household shifts since she started, other than the fact that my son used to be a baby, and then became a toddler and than a preschooler. So the kind of care he needs changed, but that can't be helped. We don't have pets.

To the other poster, twins come home on a bus and let themselves in, do homework, have a snack, practice and play around. They have activities at school a couple of days a week, and on those days we pick them up. They don't need minding so much.

But they do need an adult there, yes? Now I do kind of get where your nanny is coming from. She's already got additional kids around a lot of the time that, unless she's a class-a bitch, she's not ignoring completely. You say you aren't wealthy, but this is an expensive situation you're describing (full time nanny, full time preschool, four kids and activities). Why so persnickety about a dollar raise?

[Anonymous]

They don't, actually. They are pretty independent and are getting more and more so. They chat with the nanny, I'm sure, but their interaction is just social in nature. She doesn't supervise homework or practice or playdates, and we specifically tell them to fix up their own snack and clean up after themselves if needed. They know they cannot impose on her, and I've asked her in the past to tell me if they try, so that I can intervene (hasn't happened yet). I don't want them to rely on adults to do basic things. Her work agreement does not require anything for the older children.

Even if you want to advance the argument that their mere presence in the house should be grounds for a raise, it still doesn't work because they've been there since she's been caring for DS3, and it never came up.

Yes it's expensive, but hopefully temporary.

[Anonymous]

I love this thread. OP has a dedicated baby nanny who provides no other services for her, even minor ones like helping her older children with something, and she's willing to cost herself significant additional money and time off work (by, I assume, staying home if any of her other children has any kind of illness, snow day, holiday, or emergency), and that none of this should sound ridiculous to anyone else.

Meanwhile, she could pay the nanny another couple of dollars an hour and have all of the snow/holiday/sickness craziness disappear without significantly impacting the baby's schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love this thread. OP has a dedicated baby nanny who provides no other services for her, even minor ones like helping her older children with something, and she's willing to cost herself significant additional money and time off work (by, I assume, staying home if any of her other children has any kind of illness, snow day, holiday, or emergency), and that none of this should sound ridiculous to anyone else.

Meanwhile, she could pay the nanny another couple of dollars an hour and have all of the snow/holiday/sickness craziness disappear without significantly impacting the baby's schedule.

Personally, I think OP has wound up being a troll in going to the mat to suggest the nanny will never have anything to do with the older kid. I think she's full of it, but enjoys a good fight on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love this thread. OP has a dedicated baby nanny who provides no other services for her, even minor ones like helping her older children with something, and she's willing to cost herself significant additional money and time off work (by, I assume, staying home if any of her other children has any kind of illness, snow day, holiday, or emergency), and that none of this should sound ridiculous to anyone else.

Meanwhile, she could pay the nanny another couple of dollars an hour and have all of the snow/holiday/sickness craziness disappear without significantly impacting the baby's schedule.

Personally, I think OP has wound up being a troll in going to the mat to suggest the nanny will never have anything to do with the older kid. I think she's full of it, but enjoys a good fight on DCUM.

Report her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love this thread. OP has a dedicated baby nanny who provides no other services for her, even minor ones like helping her older children with something, and she's willing to cost herself significant additional money and time off work (by, I assume, staying home if any of her other children has any kind of illness, snow day, holiday, or emergency), and that none of this should sound ridiculous to anyone else.

Meanwhile, she could pay the nanny another couple of dollars an hour and have all of the snow/holiday/sickness craziness disappear without significantly impacting the baby's schedule.

Personally, I think OP has wound up being a troll in going to the mat to suggest the nanny will never have anything to do with the older kid. I think she's full of it, but enjoys a good fight on DCUM.

I think this, too. Hopefully in real life she's rethinking some of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what do your twins do after school?

[b]

Nothing because they don't exist. OP added a few 'identifying' details later on after this post when off the rails so she wouldn't out herself.

[Anonymous]

OP here. It's kind of wild how people here assume everyone who disagrees is a troll. Just what exactly are you hoping to accomplish by "reporting"? To send someone over to count the kids? You ridiculous creature you. Believe whatever you want.

To the poster above - it's not about paying this or that. It's about value for money, or more accurately, perception of value. As I explained earlier, I (or DH) stay with kids when they are sick. Snow days? I've read this forum enough to see the anguish nannies feel when they are made to work on snow days, as if the roads are supposed to magically clear for them. In any event, I get snow days too so I stay home when we have them. I enjoy random days off.

In any event, the nanny and I are scheduled for a sitdown on Friday where I will explain the setup again. To assuage her worries, I will offer to work out a higher rate for the days when she ends up with two kids - with the understanding that the higher rate will apply to those days only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love this thread. OP has a dedicated baby nanny who provides no other services for her, even minor ones like helping her older children with something, and she's willing to cost herself significant additional money and time off work (by, I assume, staying home if any of her other children has any kind of illness, snow day, holiday, or emergency), and that none of this should sound ridiculous to anyone else.

Meanwhile, she could pay the nanny another couple of dollars an hour and have all of the snow/holiday/sickness craziness disappear without significantly impacting the baby's schedule.

I don't think this is true - a lot of nannies expect to be off or given comp time off for these situations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. It's kind of wild how people here assume everyone who disagrees is a troll. Just what exactly are you hoping to accomplish by "reporting"? To send someone over to count the kids? You ridiculous creature you. Believe whatever you want.

To the poster above - it's not about paying this or that. It's about value for money, or more accurately, perception of value. As I explained earlier, I (or DH) stay with kids when they are sick. Snow days? I've read this forum enough to see the anguish nannies feel when they are made to work on snow days, as if the roads are supposed to magically clear for them. In any event, I get snow days too so I stay home when we have them. I enjoy random days off.

In any event, the nanny and I are scheduled for a sitdown on Friday where I will explain the setup again. To assuage her worries, I will offer to work out a higher rate for the days when she ends up with two kids - with the understanding that the higher rate will apply to those days only.

Do you know you said the same thing twice in your last sentence? I suspect you have an attitude.

[Anonymous]

My kids are the same age difference as you younger ones. The older kid attended preschool till noon and then was home with baby and me for the afternoon. It was laid back afternoons. It was good for the baby and good for my preschooler. There are very few preschools that have after care from 3-6 that is better for the child than being at home, unless the child has special needs and needs intense full day therapies or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are the same age difference as you younger ones. The older kid attended preschool till noon and then was home with baby and me for the afternoon. It was laid back afternoons. It was good for the baby and good for my preschooler. There are very few preschools that have after care from 3-6 that is better for the child than being at home, unless the child has special needs and needs intense full day therapies or something.

You are exactly right.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why OP prefers to send her 4 year old to institutional care.

OP, is your Nanny not able to work within a short day preschool learning curriculum, i.e., expand upon what your child learns at school while he is in her care?

Or is this simply a case of attending preschool X is essential so that your child can attend the prestigious college of your choice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why OP prefers to send her 4 year old to institutional care.

OP, is your Nanny not able to work within a short day preschool learning curriculum, i.e., expand upon what your child learns at school while he is in her care?

Or is this simply a case of attending preschool X is essential so that your child can attend the prestigious college of your choice?

This is OP, and I believe I said more than once on this thread that I'm not seeking feedback on our childcare decisions. We are comfortable with the choices we've made.

I am also unaware of any preschools that guarantee entry into prestigious colleges. It's kind of wild that you believe that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why OP prefers to send her 4 year old to institutional care.

OP, is your Nanny not able to work within a short day preschool learning curriculum, i.e., expand upon what your child learns at school while he is in her care?

Or is this simply a case of attending preschool X is essential so that your child can attend the prestigious college of your choice?

This is OP, and I believe I said more than once on this thread that I'm not seeking feedback on our childcare decisions. We are comfortable with the choices we've made.

I am also unaware of any preschools that guarantee entry into prestigious colleges. It's kind of wild that you believe that.

1. Welcome to DCUM. If people don't agree with what you said you're doing, they'll say so. Impossible to shut them up.

2. Life has few guarantees, but most of us certainly know that if your kid starts out in the most elite schools, they're more likely to continue that path. Surely you know that.

You sound like a pill.