Glad that I could help ![]() |
The best sex I ever had was with jerks. |
Agree with this, OP. Military has nothing to do with it. These characteristics will not wear well over the long haul. If you hit any major bumps in the relationship-- and everyone does at some point-- the damage will be hard to repair. And extricating yourself from a relationship with someone like this will be ugly. |
Yep. |
I've actually dated both Army and Navy officers, and while there is a certain level of cockiness that seems to come with the territory, they are not all alike--I've dated officers who were sensitive and sweet, who had very deep friendships with others, and who were generally laid-back guys when they weren't on the job. The Navy pilot I dated--funny, romantic, but definitely full of himself, lots of swagger, and serious issues dealing with emotions in a healthy way. So whatever issues you are having with this guy, are issues with this guy. Don't ignore them or write them off as coming with the territory. |
As an officer's wife I will say this, while it is true you cannot generalize any aspect of an officers behavior, but there are commonalities. They tend to be very good at compartmentalizing. It also takes a certain characteristic to be married to one of them. Being there wives is not for everyone. Their good characteristic are very good and so are the bad ones. The decision is up to OP. I just want her to go into this with her eyes open - are the goods in the relationship good enough for you and will you be able to overlook the bad or at least work with them. That is essentially what she needs to decide. Yes they do have a lot of swagger, but that's because they can do things and the know it. On a primitive level, the OP should be aware, the urge to procreate with an alpha masculine men who can sex her up well is an overwhelming one. And no wonder the OP is asking for help - the guy is well read, has swagger and can screw her well, and now she has to decide if she can live with his unflattering parts. That is a decision only the OP can know, and she is not going to figure this out by filtering the guy through our current society ideal. Life ain't that simple. OP you've got some thinking to do..? |
I think it really depends on the person. I am married to a civilian formerly an active officer. He does not fit any of the "military" stereotypes. If he had, we never would have been dating. |
Douche. |
Some women like any guy in a uniform. I don't. This guy sounds like a jerk OP. Other than the sex you mention .... what else is he good for? |
Uniform looks good, so does being at sea or deployed or whatever, so you can play all day haha.
Don't deny it the 757 is full of those women. Officer groupies tend to be better looking at least |
Haven't read the whole 4 pages. I'm not married to a Military Officer but my husband's career has a very similar chain of command. He also wears a uniform. Here is what I have learned about my husband that *may* help you with your man.
1) Non PC jokes: Your boyfriend is MALE. Many men joke and their choice of jokes aren't always PC. That's nothing your going to change. These jokes and the humor probably comes from hanging around mostly male units during deployment/working with mostly men. My husband has a derogatory sense of humor with his friends. He doesn't bring it home much, if not at all, anymore since I put my foot down on that. I wasn't harsh, I just explained that being a woman, I don't think the stuff that men laugh about is funny. Just as he thinks the stuff me and women talk about is pointless and boring. 2) Cocky: My husband wears a uniform. He's seen, be involved in, taken care of, risked his life-- and the list goes on. Sometimes I think pride is considered cocky. However, I am sure he couldn't be 2 inches tall and do his job. Think about the experience he's had with the military and the amount of education, hard work and promotion it has taken to get him there. How old is he? My husband is in his 30s and I have been told that this age people in his career are still "crazy" about their jobs. Might be something to think about... 3) Lack of Empathy/Emotions: You need to think about the training that he's had for him to preform the job that he does day in and day out. My husband has been trained to think and react in certain ways. He is a 100% no drama person, hardly cracks a smile or sheds a tear. However, he couldn't be an emotional mess and do his job. If he's deployed and seen people blown up, his friends shot and killed then he has seen real, scary things happen. You can't function in that type of environment with emotion. Instead of focusing on his lack of emotion, try and understand WHY he is that way. You won't be able to understand the impact these situations have had on him unless you walk in those boots yourself. As a wife of a man in a similar setting as your boyfriend, I have learned to do the following: I spell out exactly how I am feeling and what I need from DH. This way, he has been told what to do and can let down that wall that he has up 99% of the time. I don't talk work. I understand that as much as his job effects our family life and marriage that it won't change unless he changes careers. And, this is what he wants to do. Living with someone who is prideful, confident and strong isn't a bad thing. I just don't bring up things I don't understand. That lets him get away from work too. I have a support system of women married to men in the same career. This is huge! If you see this relationship working out for the long haul, I suggest you surround yourself with women who understand the difficulties. |
Yes! Me too! Arrogant jerks! |
I am married to a navy officer. I really don't think you can generalize about men in the military. You are going to find all types. |
9:02, 11:25 & 3:37 - NP here. I *really* appreciate your honest input. I married into a military family. It is extremely difficult, knowing nothing about the military, as they are not forthcoming (as you know). Your posts have helped me more in 20 years than anything. I am so very extremely appreciative of your posts, seriously. It is just what I needed.
OP, you are smart to seek wisdom now. You have gotten some amazing advice here and I hope people continue to reach out to you. I have not had that benefit, and it makes for extremely tough terrain. Feeling closed off is no fun and is no life. |
If the OP moves forward with this man this is going to be an important element to a successful relationship. To some degree you will all feel you married the same men. I have friends outside my husband career field, but I only discuss relationship issues with women whose husband are in the same field as mine. |