Experience dating military officers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you say he can be a "jerk", what do you mean, exactly? That's can't be excused away, period.

Not in a disrespectful-towards-women way or anything. Just sort of argumentative, brash, condescending in an argument, hits below the belt in an argument occasionally, etc. And very arrogant, though I think that is a way of covering up his insecurities. I just have never met a guy with this combination of traits (mentioned just now) + the cockiness and impatience with feelings and stuff that he seems to show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best.sex.ever

This one is accurate too

this is soooooo good to know i just started dating one too

[Anonymous]

He sounds like an ass. Why do you want to date someone with his personality characteristics?

[Anonymous]

I guess it depends on what they do. Mine is very communicative and a gentleman. Grew up very strict but more lax with own kids. Patriotic, thoughtful , and affectionate, honest. I'm really diggin my officer and he was sure diggin me last nice ;>
I do think image is important, but I'm not that bad , anymore...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you say he can be a "jerk", what do you mean, exactly? That's can't be excused away, period.

Not in a disrespectful-towards-women way or anything. Just sort of argumentative, brash, condescending in an argument, hits below the belt in an argument occasionally, etc. And very arrogant, though I think that is a way of covering up his insecurities. I just have never met a guy with this combination of traits (mentioned just now) + the cockiness and impatience with feelings and stuff that he seems to show.

What you describe here would be a deal-breaker for me. I am in a marriage for the long haul. That will include the good and the bad. You don't want a guy that starts off like this. Wow. Arrogant? Hits below the belt? condescending? Geez, and you are only just started dating? No go. I would end up divorced so fast from a guy like this. Red flags all around. Marriage requires compromise, humbling yourself and deep trust. Nothing you have said foster this type of relationship. Think a lot a about moving forward with him.

I have now been married 10 years and a TON of my friends who got married around my time are getting divorces now and telling me all sorts of how they say the "signs" their SO were jerks all along, but chose to ignore them. How their guys were mean or insensitive all along, but they were ga-ga for them (jobs, prestige, money, just not wanting to be single any longer), and got married. Recipe for divorce.

Heed your sixth sense. Listen to the little voice in your head/gut. Run if if tells you to run.

[Anonymous]

I'll give a different perspective since this thread seems to be all civvy women dating military guys.

i'm a civvy guy that dated an ex O-3 woman.

She was open minded, not as patriotic as you would think, fun, had great perspective. Very cynical and jaded. kind of trad/religious though so it didn't last but there is a huge difference IMO between women officers and men officers.

As a civilian, I disliked most of her male officer friends except for a couple.

I wonder if there is a huge gap between attitudes/characteristics between women and men officers and if the military culture magnifies that or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will expect you to do a lot "for show" for others. Their public persona is the most important thing often in the absence of a private persona. Not very genuine. How you describe him, I'm not at all surprised. They tend to be faithful to their wives, hard on their children -not very flexible or sensitive.

I totally agree with this - except the genuine part. I've seen that at both ends of the spectrum, but rarely in the middle (harsh honesty or pathological liars to maintain 'The Appearance'). I'm from a military family. And many of my close friends are married to navy Commanders (and up). It is even 'worse' if they are from an academy by about 100%.

Ok, this made me laugh. One of the sweetest, most sensitive and loyal guys I know is my cousin. Many, many tours of duty. Wonderful, loving family. He could have retired years ago but hasn't. Maybe they grow them differently at the Air Force Academy.

[Anonymous]

I don't know OP, I am married to an officer too. My guy have some of the same characteristics you mentioned. He is very smart - an engineer, speaks 3 languages, well traveled, decisive, loyal, ethical, honest, hardworking. He will work day and night nonstop without ever complaining. But, he is not emotional. Like every other human in the planet, he has insecurities too, but after 20 years I have never been able to pin point any of his weaknesses. You just can't get to him. Of course I could mess with his head if I wanted to by crossing certain lines but I also know he wouldn't suffer fools lightly. He said he loves me but forget many birthdays and anniversaries but never forget the kids. He is most vulnerable with his children although by not much. He has been deployed many, many times in horrible locations and living conditions, but he will not complain when he communicate with you. I often said to myself if ever captured, he could survive many years without his captors ever breaking him, or he would rather die than to give in or sure weaknesses. I don't know if that is part of his personality or if the military training made him this way or a combination.


Anyway, to answer your question, yes, of course your guy has insecurities, just like any other human being, but you may never pin down his weaknesses. You may see flashes of vulnerabilities but you'll never be certain of his breaking point. And he will not change, what you see is what you'll get and then some. You will always be the one to adjust to him not him to you. There will be some compromises, but not by much. Most military officers wives understand this. It is fruitless to try to psychoanalyzed him, it won't get you anywhere. With them, you either get on board or get out. you won't be able to streamline the many facets to his character. These guys are very adept at compartmentalizing who they are. You can't have DCUMers decide for you. With all that being said, their masculinity and decisiveness is a powerful aphrodisiac. I have met men with more wealth than my husband, but there's no doubt if we were stranded in hostile territory he would figure out a way to make sure we come out on the other side. There is something very nice about having sex with someone like that. After 20 years he is still captivating to me, and so, I have chosen to overlook his bad parts.

[Anonymous]

What do these women mean by my man is not emotional? What do you want, that we should crack up and cry like babies at the first sign of a crisis! I'll tell you this, what I learned from my father - an Air Force pilot, combat veteran recipient of the Distinguished Flying Cross - is in any crisis situation you keep a cool head and you don't let emotions gets in the way! That's when you get into trouble. It is a big difference between me and my DW. She will lose it to anger, sadness, frustration or whatever on the spur of them moment and then act on that emotion. I refuse to act on emotion. I will take everything in and weigh my options before making my decision, and then I will move like an avalanche. It pisses her off, though, that I do not get "emotional."

My father was 27 years old when he flew missions in Vietnam and he probably had more responsibility for the lives of other men than anyone on this board will ever have. My sister, brother and I learned that with that responsibility comes great humility and a focus on getting the job done. You want drama? Join the theater! You want a can do, no questions asked attitude, find yourself someone like my Dad.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Many of these posts are making ridiculous generalizations. My DH is a graduate of USAFA, so he was a military officer. I was also a military officer (although not academy grad). Yes, some military officers are cocky and like to do things for show, and may not make public displays of emotion (especially if you just started dating)...but military officers are all individuals and have their own personalities with individual strengths and weaknesses...you have to decide if this person is the right fit for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Best.sex.ever

+1

[Anonymous]

Yes, these guys are great to have around if you are "stranded in hostile territory." How often does that happen in a relationship?

But daily life and marriage and kids are not like that.

OP, is this guy a good listener? Does he value what you say? Does your opinion on what you do with him in your free time count? Does he treat vulnerable people/kids/pets with warmth and dignity? How does he relate to his sisters and parents, etc

Don't commit further until you see him in alot of normal everyday situations and you like what you see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, these guys are great to have around if you are "stranded in hostile territory." How often does that happen in a relationship?

But daily life and marriage and kids are not like that.

OP, is this guy a good listener? Does he value what you say? Does your opinion on what you do with him in your free time count? Does he treat vulnerable people/kids/pets with warmth and dignity? How does he relate to his sisters and parents, etc

Don't commit further until you see him in alot of normal everyday situations and you like what you see.

In the meantime - enjoy the sex and report back!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know OP, I am married to an officer too. My guy have some of the same characteristics you mentioned. He is very smart - an engineer, speaks 3 languages, well traveled, decisive, loyal, ethical, honest, hardworking. He will work day and night nonstop without ever complaining. But, he is not emotional. Like every other human in the planet, he has insecurities too, but after 20 years I have never been able to pin point any of his weaknesses. You just can't get to him. Of course I could mess with his head if I wanted to by crossing certain lines but I also know he wouldn't suffer fools lightly. He said he loves me but forget many birthdays and anniversaries but never forget the kids. He is most vulnerable with his children although by not much. He has been deployed many, many times in horrible locations and living conditions, but he will not complain when he communicate with you. I often said to myself if ever captured, he could survive many years without his captors ever breaking him, or he would rather die than to give in or sure weaknesses. I don't know if that is part of his personality or if the military training made him this way or a combination.


Anyway, to answer your question, yes, of course your guy has insecurities, just like any other human being, but you may never pin down his weaknesses. You may see flashes of vulnerabilities but you'll never be certain of his breaking point. And he will not change, what you see is what you'll get and then some. You will always be the one to adjust to him not him to you. There will be some compromises, but not by much. Most military officers wives understand this. It is fruitless to try to psychoanalyzed him, it won't get you anywhere. With them, you either get on board or get out. you won't be able to streamline the many facets to his character. These guys are very adept at compartmentalizing who they are. You can't have DCUMers decide for you. With all that being said, their masculinity and decisiveness is a powerful aphrodisiac. I have met men with more wealth than my husband, but there's no doubt if we were stranded in hostile territory he would figure out a way to make sure we come out on the other side. There is something very nice about having sex with someone like that. After 20 years he is still captivating to me, and so, I have chosen to overlook his bad parts.

OP here. Wow, this is basically what my boyfriend is like when it comes to be impossible to read/psychoanalyze. Just wow. And, er, the sex is amazing for me too haha.