I'm a mid-40s guy who's been divorced for a year. I enjoy dating but not looking for anything serious. Most of the women I've met have just been casual dates but what stands out for me is that so many of them reveal that they're one of the three: bipolar, depressed, or anxious. And I mean clinically diagnosed and been prescribed meds and all that. These are women in their thirties and also forties. It's just so common it blows my mind. Needless to say, I haven't felt comfortable going forward with many of these women I've met. Just too much for me to process. I have plenty of guy friends who also mention that their wives or girlfriends are seeking therapy or taking meds to cope with some mental health diagnosis. But no guy I know has ever mentioned being depressed or anxious. I'm not saying these conditions don't ever affect men, but it just seems so common among women. Any ideas why? I'd like to meet someone eventually who won't go crazy on me. |
There is a far cry between having anxiety and "going crazy". |
Women are smart enough to get help.
Men just hide it. |
It’s almost like the latest fad with some of these women. Just keep looking. |
Ok first off, the idea that someone who has anxiety or depression may one day "go crazy on you" is both absurd and offensive. I'm a woman in my 30s with zero mental health issues, but I can assure you many people have them and it's likely that your marriage was what made your discovery late on this one. First, women are more open about mental health generally then men, but there is a still a lot of stigma. So, if your wife didn't have any struggles, what woman in your life was close enough to you to tell you about theirs? A coworker? A sister? A friend? If they picked up on your views, that's unlikely.
Also, it isn't just women. I dated one guy who took testosterone injections (which has psychological effects) who had a bi-polar father. A very close male friend got diagnosed with a chemical imbalance in his 50s, not because he had mood issues but because he was getting forgetful/confused and when checking for early-onset dementia, they found a chemical imbalance was at fault. You likely have several men in your life who are/have struggled with something, but they're less likely to get it diagnosed /treated, and, if they do, admit it (especially to someone with your views). |
As a woman, I also notice this 'trend' among my peers. But I also think it's because women fixate a lot on being unhappy or ruminate about whatever is making them unhappy. Men, while they may be less likely to talk about being anxious or depressed, don't ruminate as much. I think DCUM reflects this as well. How else do you explain all the defensive responses on the "I don't want to be a 'mom'" thread. For guys, it's water off a duck's back whatever you throw at them. They don't care if family members are rude, if their kids are rude or if their MIL is crying. |
Life is harder for women than for men. Work is harder because women are less respected. Women do more housework and child care. Women treat their partners on average better than men treat theirs. Women are more likely to be raped. Women have many more reasons to be depressed and anxious. |
Well, all of the men apparently have ADHD so it’s only fair that women have some mental health issues. |
Interesting experiences, OP, and thank you for sharing. I'm a woman in your age range, and have noticed that many of my casual male dates clearly have some sort of mental health challenge. My guess is anxiety and depression in most of them. Some of these men seem to be getting treatment, and drop comments to that effect. I suspect most are not. They typically have the kinds of jobs that would make getting treatment a problem. I've wondered about this pattern. Hope others will post about their experiences, because it would be great to get perspective on what's going on here. |
Then why do they live ten years longer? |
For some it's an issue. For most it's a fad. |
I wonder how people today would have handled being conscripted and sent off to Vietnam or the Normandy Invasion. Or dealt with the famine and disease that was a mainstay of human existence up until 150 years ago. Or the far higher likelihood of death during childbirth. I don’t begrudge people for getting help, but it really does seem like so many women are in a perpetual state of being aggreived and broken and wounded.
Violent crime is way down from the 1990s. Unemployment is low. We are not being drafted to fight in wars (not that most DCUMers would have to worry about a draft). We have amazing technology. And yet women are more miserable and resentful than ever. |
Because they’re trapping themselves in 1930s morality - everyone MUST be married by 25 and if you’re 33 and don’t have 2.5 kids you’re a failure as a woman while also trying to live within an idyllic 1950s bubble of perfect housewife with the white picket fence - knowing all the while inflation and COL vs wages haven’t been this bad since the 80s. They’d be less stressed if they got their heads out of their asses. |
Lots of over sharing of medical information early on. I don't get it. |