He won't spend the night

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[Post New]05/04/2017 07:34
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Anonymous
He definitely seems to be seeing other people if he won't commit to a weekend away until he knows what else is going on.
[Post New]05/04/2017 07:36
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Anonymous
Have you met his friends?
[Post New]05/04/2017 07:37
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Anonymous

At three months, I'd make a issue of it.

When I think back (waaaay back) to when I was dating, I remember sleeping over and all of the morning stuff that made me late for work. Working out showering and the different products they had, then breakfast. Sometimes it felt like more intimacy, sometimes it seemed really cold how we were like robots in the morning just trying to untangle and set out for the day. Going home first to get ready felt okay if I was dressed appropriately for daytime, but I still didn't like feeling grubby first thing in the morning.

Have you thought about any of this?

Even the man who became my DH didn't sleep over if he had work early the next day. He was passionate about work and made that clear. Obviously it wasn't a deal breaker. I was secure enough in myself that I let him decide when sleeping over made sense. It really is too early for you to make this an issue. He will see it as you asking for way more than an overnight and may start to think of you as clingy. Not a good thing.

Enjoy what you've got or move on, pull back or find someone new.
[Post New]05/04/2017 07:37
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Guy here. Could be he has trouble falling asleep next to someone, or in not his own bed. I know I'd head back after dating women for this reason. Needed a good night's sleep.


I used to have a lot of trouble falling asleep next to someone. I got past it when I finally dated someone long term but when I was younger I could not fall asleep next to someone for the life of me. That's a possibility
[Post New]05/04/2017 07:47
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Anonymous
I'm going to guess it's due to logistics. It's easier for him to wake up and get ready for work (or the day) in his own place.

If he slept over at your place, he would either have to get up very early to go home and get ready for work OR he would need to bring an overnight bag with his work clothes and toiletries. And after only 5 weeks of dating bringing an overnight bag would seem VERY presumptuous on his part.
[Post New]05/04/2017 07:48
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
At three months, I'd make a issue of it.

When I think back (waaaay back) to when I was dating, I remember sleeping over and all of the morning stuff that made me late for work. Working out showering and the different products they had, then breakfast. Sometimes it felt like more intimacy, sometimes it seemed really cold how we were like robots in the morning just trying to untangle and set out for the day. Going home first to get ready felt okay if I was dressed appropriately for daytime, but I still didn't like feeling grubby first thing in the morning.

Have you thought about any of this?

Even the man who became my DH didn't sleep over if he had work early the next day. He was passionate about work and made that clear. Obviously it wasn't a deal breaker. I was secure enough in myself that I let him decide when sleeping over made sense. It really is too early for you to make this an issue. He will see it as you asking for way more than an overnight and may start to think of you as clingy. Not a good thing.

Enjoy what you've got or move on, pull back or find someone new.


All this. My last BF only slept over on weekends. Because that's what worked for us.
[Post New]05/04/2017 07:53
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
At three months, I'd make a issue of it.

When I think back (waaaay back) to when I was dating, I remember sleeping over and all of the morning stuff that made me late for work. Working out showering and the different products they had, then breakfast. Sometimes it felt like more intimacy, sometimes it seemed really cold how we were like robots in the morning just trying to untangle and set out for the day. Going home first to get ready felt okay if I was dressed appropriately for daytime, but I still didn't like feeling grubby first thing in the morning.

Have you thought about any of this?

Even the man who became my DH didn't sleep over if he had work early the next day. He was passionate about work and made that clear. Obviously it wasn't a deal breaker. I was secure enough in myself that I let him decide when sleeping over made sense. It really is too early for you to make this an issue. He will see it as you asking for way more than an overnight and may start to think of you as clingy. Not a good thing.

Enjoy what you've got or move on, pull back or find someone new.


All this. My last BF only slept over on weekends. Because that's what worked for us.


...until it didn't anymore.

All this nonsense about logistics and getting ready for work is silly. He's just not that into you. When you are crazy about someone, you want to be with them. Period. And wanting to see what else is going on before committing to weekend plans underscores the fact that he's juggling multiple women and doesn't prioritize you.

Life isn't hard when you keep your eyes open.
[Post New]05/04/2017 07:55
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Anonymous
Ask him.

Adult woman: Hey, why don't you spend the night?

Adult man: Not ready/can't sleep in strange bed/early work

Adult woman: Thanks. What movie would you like to see?
[Post New]05/04/2017 07:56
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
At three months, I'd make a issue of it.

When I think back (waaaay back) to when I was dating, I remember sleeping over and all of the morning stuff that made me late for work. Working out showering and the different products they had, then breakfast. Sometimes it felt like more intimacy, sometimes it seemed really cold how we were like robots in the morning just trying to untangle and set out for the day. Going home first to get ready felt okay if I was dressed appropriately for daytime, but I still didn't like feeling grubby first thing in the morning.

Have you thought about any of this?

Even the man who became my DH didn't sleep over if he had work early the next day. He was passionate about work and made that clear. Obviously it wasn't a deal breaker. I was secure enough in myself that I let him decide when sleeping over made sense. It really is too early for you to make this an issue. He will see it as you asking for way more than an overnight and may start to think of you as clingy. Not a good thing.

Enjoy what you've got or move on, pull back or find someone new.


All this. My last BF only slept over on weekends. Because that's what worked for us.


...until it didn't anymore.

All this nonsense about logistics and getting ready for work is silly. He's just not that into you. When you are crazy about someone, you want to be with them. Period. And wanting to see what else is going on before committing to weekend plans underscores the fact that he's juggling multiple women and doesn't prioritize you.

Life isn't hard when you keep your eyes open.


Pretty much all of this. But if it is bothering you ASK HIM. Listen to the answer and proceed from there.
[Post New]05/04/2017 08:08
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Anonymous
OP, you've asked him and gotten lame excuses, right? No matter what the reason, he is not meeting your needs. I've had guys stay over before we ever had sex because that connection was important to both of us. Find someone compatible. It's easier to break it off now than 6 months from now.
[Post New]05/04/2017 08:11
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AmyForever
Member Offline
He is definitely married with some wired marital status or some past that he is sure trying to hide. I suggest to follow his contacts on ground and you will get some information
[Post New]05/04/2017 09:21
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Anonymous
He may have a really OCD bedtime and/or morning routine that he cannot disrupt

He may have a medical condition that he is not ready to disclose - maybe he wears oxygen at night, or has GI issues or something

5 weeks is nbd really - if you're enjoying his company, chillax and see where it goes. quit pressing him and stressing him out, he is obviously not ready. revisit later if necessary
[Post New]05/04/2017 09:36
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Anonymous
At what point is it okay to ask if you don't want to scare him off?

Thank god I don't have to date anymore. Married for 20 years. These new rules sound exhausting.
[Post New]05/04/2017 09:41
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Anonymous
Maybe he wets the bed.
It's only been 5 weeks, OP. Relax.
I've been married for 10 years, but still don't love sleeping next to someone all night. It's hard to get a good night's sleep, being woken by noise and movements and worrying I'm doing the same to them. And morning breath grosses me out. I never wanted to be grossed out by someone I'd only started dating.
[Post New]05/04/2017 09:46
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Anonymous
It is weird, but I sleep with a CPAP and so spending the night with someone that new would be a bit embarrassing. There could be a legitimate issue or it could be shady.
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