Sexless marriage from a woman's perspective. Help me.

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[Post New]01/20/2017 19:26
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Anonymous
Has he had his testosterone checked? Does he smoke? Drink a lot of coffee? I think he needs to get checked out first before automatically assuming he must be gay.
[Post New]01/20/2017 19:41
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If they are both fit and active and in their 40s and he doesn't want sex then he is absolutely gay. Have a talk with him. Maybe you can find a way for both of you to be happy


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[Post New]01/20/2017 20:24
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Anonymous
Does he like to listen to Barbara Streisand?
[Post New]01/20/2017 20:26
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Anonymous
Or watch the Bachelor?
[Post New]01/20/2017 20:39
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Beckygotback
Member

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Anonymous wrote:Does he have any mental health issues or take antidepressants? [/quoteDoes he take a medication for anxiety or depression...that is a common side effect.
[Post New]01/20/2017 22:03
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Anonymous
My BIL and SIL divorced over lack of sex and I think he is secretly gay. I was shocked when SIL told me about the no sex. They were the most lovey-dovey couple I've ever met. They were always going on weekend getaways to interesting places and took a couple of romantic seeming vacations a year. They had no kids and after two years of begging him to see a doctor or a therapist and basically trying everything under the sun, SIL finally divorced him. Looking back, I think there were some red flags.
[Post New]01/20/2017 22:04
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Anonymous
Does he like Broadway musicals?
[Post New]01/20/2017 22:04
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Anonymous
Does he call his mother on Sunday mornings?
[Post New]01/20/2017 22:06
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Anonymous
Does he coordinate his outfits?
[Post New]01/20/2017 23:05
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:It would be helpful if some low drive men could write in and explain this. The way low drive women can at least offer their perspective


OP, please ignore all the asinine "he is gay" nonsense.

I was low drive for many years. I discovered that the problem was low testosterone. TRT fixed it.

Now, your husband will resist getting his T levels checked. He does not know any better because he has never felt high T. When I was low T, I did not really understand how low drive I really was or what it meant to have high T. All this changed when I started TRT. You will probably need to be very direct and definite about him getting his T checked (as in, "do this or we're done"). See a specialist, not a family doc.
[Post New]01/20/2017 23:32
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Anonymous
Have his T checked
[Post New]01/21/2017 00:42
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Anonymous
What is TRT...a medication? Which specialist should he see?
[Post New]01/21/2017 05:35
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:What is TRT...a medication? Which specialist should he see?


Testosterone replacement therapy.

NP here, I would start with his PCP, not a specialist. There are a lot of hacks out there who push testosterone and that isn't safe if done incorrectly. His primary care can draw blood work, let him do a whole panel of thyroid, anemia, testosterone. If there is a problem, he can go to an endocrin.

My guess is his numbers are normal and its psychological or his sexuality is off. But asking him to go to the doctor will at least spark the conversation and see his commitment to the marriage.
[Post New]01/21/2017 06:12
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Anonymous
Gay
[Post New]01/21/2017 08:28
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Was there ever a point where he was a twice a week or more guy? If he was a twice a month guy for a long time he may have simply been doing it for your sake. Have you considered that he may be gay or have gay tendencies? There are plenty of guys around DC who would be happy to help you out.
He was a twice a week guy the first few years of our marriage, then once a week, then twice a month. It has steadily decreased over the years. Why do you ask about gay tendencies? We have been married for a long time. How can that be even a thought?


It's absolutely a thought, especially if he was raised in a religious household.


Absolutely. I knew a couple who were married for years and had three children. Then the wife moved to San Francisco to become a practicing lesbian.
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