Two weeks to go and DS is shooting himself in the foot!!
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Anonymous
| Keep in mind, he's not 45. They need to come to it at their own pace regardless of how much coaching we give them. |
Anonymous
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Do NOT let him fail so near his goal.
He probably terrified inside, maybe has a touch of ADHD, and that's why he's procrastinating and in a foul humor. It's actually pretty typical, OP, even though most parents won't admit it 
Courage. Talk to him very plainly about this. About his attitude, and the sacrifices you're making for him. |
Anonymous
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You do have a problem. I have some advice for what you can control: you.
Your kid may be many things right now, but one of them is clearly an ostrich (like mine). Don't look at any more schools. It doesn't matter. Stop talking about college and switch to only talking about tasks he has to do now and even then, don't add stress. Ratchet it down. If he is that disengaged, help hm pick a few schools with the common application that include a few he will definitely get into. Call it a day. Work on your embarrassment and never ever ever show it or mention it. |
Anonymous
where is this? 
Blake HS in Silver Spring. No connection to that school, so I have no idea of details, ages, etc. So scary and sad. |
Anonymous
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I'm surprised that the PP's mentioning teen suicides see the same people egging this mom on to keep up this sick pressure in her kid. Fuck no. Just STOP. Stop stop stop.
You've already acknowledged that it's you're fear of embarrassment that is at least in part driving you. Get some fucking therapy, lady. Your kid is not you. His accomplishments, failures, and choices are not yours, either. What teens desperately need to hear is that you will love them no matter where or if they go to college. That they can make a good life and be successful even without college. (It's true. Ask your electrician.) You can be frank with your son and say you feel disappointed that he was so rude and frustrated that he is not as invested in his college applications as you are. Ask him if he needs anything from you and say you are here to support and help him, but then back off. Create a space where he can be free of college pressure, even for an hour each night. ("dinner is no college talk time.") Kids these days are in s fever pitch of stress about this. It can be paralyzing for some. They are so afraid that Each little step can be wrong and can ruin their lives. Many have never been allowed to fail and lack any resilience. They are terrified. You needs to dial it down MANY many notches and let him figure out his next move. |
Anonymous
| I don't understand why all apps are due Nov 1? Clearly, your child is overwhelmed. This is an especially trying time. Ask how you can help. Be part of the solution. You will all get thru this. |
Anonymous
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The apps AREN'T due by November 1.
I wonder if he might be more motivated if he sees a few classmates get in early? Maybe let the November 1 deadlines slide and aim for the regular deadlines? There is so much going on right now for these kids. It seems crazy to throw this idea that ALL of their applications need to be in on November 1 at them. |
Anonymous
| Many merit scholarships have Nov 1 deadlines. |
Anonymous
| "Brandon, what do you want to do next year? We need to have a plan. I will help you in any way that I can with making a schedule or organizing. Ultimately, it is your future and you will need to come up with a plan. It doesn't seem like you were that interested in the colleges we visited. What are you thinking?" |
Anonymous
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Help him out by populating the boring stuff in the apps so he can focus on the hard stuff. And remember, he's already earned the good grades and test scores, and while the essay isn't a breeze, the time you can spare him typing in his SSN and your own college degrees will give him more time to devote to that. I agree there's a bit of stress paralysis going on, and also know that many of these kids are just now understanding how big a step this is.
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Anonymous
Yes that is true. Many students procrastinate on the apps and essays. |
Anonymous
| If he doesn't get in or drops the ball that is fine. Let him know you support him and stop talking about it. If he doesn't pick up the slack, he can go to NoVa or a non-selective state school/private. |
Anonymous
Totally agree last year my stepson turned into this apathetic slacker regarding applications. All three of us parents dragged him through it and now he just came home to visit from Tech where is thriving academically and socially. I think he was paralyzed by panic over the whole college thing; moving away, major decisions, thoughts of being rejected. |
PaleoConPrep
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TWO SUICIDES? My goodness, this kinda thing just blows my mind. Im currently a high school senior, and there's certainly some stress involved in college applications. All you've got to do is look at my most recent threads. College applications take up a good amount of time, and there's always a fear that you might not get in anywhere. I'm certainly no fan of the way modern American higher education works. All that being said, I could never even imagine why a 17/18 year old who's got their whole life ahead of them would commit suicide due to this whole process. I'm not in the best situation because I was somewhat lazy for most of high school, but I can't wait for what the future will bring. I'm a realist about my situation, but you've got to look at the bright side of things to be happy as a high school senior. If you fear you might not get in anywhere, find some safety schools.( I've got 3 of them) Seeing some of the comments on this forum though, I'd imagine that some parents put an unreasonable amount of pressure on their kids. It seems like some people on here think that if you don't get into an Ivy, a NESCAC, or some top public university, you're a failure. I'm glad I don't live in that sort of sink or swim environment. It's not the end of the world if you don't get into Harvard, UVA, or Williams. I wouldn't go to an Ivy if they paid me to attend. |
Anonymous
| There's so much pressure on kids. They're expected to know what they want to do with their lives when they're 17. And, then college is made to be the most awesome experience ever! Many of the teens I know have had a very hard time engaging with the college application process, despite knowing that they want to go to college and preparing with good grades, extra-curriculars, etc. It's a shame. |