Two weeks to go and DS is shooting himself in the foot!!

[Anonymous]

My DS is making such a mess of his college applications. All his applications are due Nov. 1. I've been almost literally dragging him through this process. I'm wondering if I should just let go and let him fail??

This week, I drove him to three colleges for visits. He was a rude, total PITA on all three (long) car trips, and acted indifferent, not wholly interested, in his talks with admissions counselors. I coached him as best I could, made sure he'd done research on each college so he could ask intelligent questions, yet he's half-in, half-out of this process. With only two weeks to go, I'm fed up enough to give up. I don't know if he'll get a single application in on time if I don't push him every single day.

What would you do? He's very smart, has good grades, good test scores, and ought to get merit aid from all these schools. We can't afford college for him if he doesn't get merit aid. We've explained this very clearly to him. Still, he's dragging his feet, plodding every step of the way. He's going to be embarrassed if he doesn't get in anywhere and ends up at CC (so will I, for that matter).

Any advice? I'm at the end of my rope.

[Anonymous]

Get over being embarrassed by CC. Drop the rope and tell him you are dropping the rope and that it is his life and his decisions from here on out. He may need some more time on the vine and two years at CC would do that.

[Anonymous]

Stay silent for 24 hours. Leave the house when you can. Tomorrow morning have a calm conversation with him, or if a DH is in the picture have him do so. Try to be understanding of your sons position, while it all might sound big and scary and uncertain and he's not ready tomorrow, he's going to feel different in eight months and all of this work now is to give him options for his future.

[Anonymous]

Whatever you do, don't drop the rope! This is a very scary time for some teenagers, therefore the resistance. They need all of your love, support and assistance, maybe now more than ever. Keep doing what you are doing op, and at the very least get 1 to 2 applications in on November 1. Then the ball will be in motion and your DC will hopefully be more able to get the balance of the applications in for regular decision. My DC got it all together by the regular decision deadline, and not a moment sooner.

[Anonymous]

Are you making sure that he has shown interest in the colleges he is applying to vs you and DH pushing the particular schools? Try to engage him and see what kind of schools he is drawn to and see if that helps. Some kids feel pressured to apply places because of their parents and they push back because they aren't schools they even like. See if there is at least a safety he is interested in and will get that application out the door first. Then maybe he will get the rest of them done.

[Anonymous]

Don't let him fail. But if he's half-adding the applications I'm wondering how he's going to fare with acceptances. Among whatever other advice you implement, maybe plan something fun and special for November 2 to celebrate getting the applications in. Remind him that this difficult phase will be over as of Nov. 2.

[Anonymous]

Half-assing, not half-adding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do, don't drop the rope! This is a very scary time for some teenagers, therefore the resistance. They need all of your love, support and assistance, maybe now more than ever. Keep doing what you are doing op, and at the very least get 1 to 2 applications in on November 1. Then the ball will be in motion and your DC will hopefully be more able to get the balance of the applications in for regular decision. My DC got it all together by the regular decision deadline, and not a moment sooner.

Jusrnwant t echo this. We've already had two suicides in our senior class and school has barely started. It's hard to parent kids this age. Good luck and as ,p,p says, cC is a gooodmoption for kids who aren't ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do, don't drop the rope! This is a very scary time for some teenagers, therefore the resistance. They need all of your love, support and assistance, maybe now more than ever. Keep doing what you are doing op, and at the very least get 1 to 2 applications in on November 1. Then the ball will be in motion and your DC will hopefully be more able to get the balance of the applications in for regular decision. My DC got it all together by the regular decision deadline, and not a moment sooner.

Jusrnwant t echo this. We've already had two suicides in our senior class and school has barely started. It's hard to parent kids this age. Good luck and as ,p,p says, cC is a gooodmoption for kids who aren't ready.

where is this?

[Anonymous]

Well remember he is young and applying to collage is a big thing. Lots of uncertainty, unknowns and ending of high schools. It can be scary and exciting at the same time. Maybe sit down and talk to him with this in mind. Talk about a gap year, applying next year, etc. See where he is emotionally. Just do it with an open mind and realization that he is young and does not know himself yet.

[Anonymous]

If this is how he is with the applications, you'll be wasting your money sending him.

Let him do what he's going to do. Far better than wasting four years drinking beer and sleeping through classes would be for him to be forced to support himself on whatever job he can out of high school, and then when reality sets in, let him decide for himself that he's ready for college.

Trust me, I've seen it both ways. So many parents insist on leading their horses to water, but they don't drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do, don't drop the rope! This is a very scary time for some teenagers, therefore the resistance. They need all of your love, support and assistance, maybe now more than ever. Keep doing what you are doing op, and at the very least get 1 to 2 applications in on November 1. Then the ball will be in motion and your DC will hopefully be more able to get the balance of the applications in for regular decision. My DC got it all together by the regular decision deadline, and not a moment sooner.

Jusrnwant t echo this. We've already had two suicides in our senior class and school has barely started. It's hard to parent kids this age. Good luck and as ,p,p says, cC is a gooodmoption for kids who aren't ready.

where is this?

Two suicides by mid October in senior class? This is really a problem. The pressure on kids to get into TT schools has really reached a fever pitch and kids think, if they don't make it, their lives are over. My daughter had a classmate like this who was nearly suicidal after ivies turned her down. She got a full ride at Vanderbilt and is now chief resident at Duke but wants to return to her small city to practice.

[Anonymous]

Suggest he take a gap year and work while he's figuring it out. Nothing motivates a kid like a 40 hour workweek at Wal-mart.

[Anonymous]

I have been that teen. I don't know what I needed. Some combination of space and help.

Space when he needs it? Help the second he asks for it.

I might have a conversation with him. Tell him you're only going to listen. Ask him what he wants. Listen. Tell him you know he can accomplish it. Tell him the second he needs help from you, you'll be right there. But that you'll leave him alone to accomplish it himself.

[Anonymous]

We were having similar problems with our DD, the only difference being that she's not aiming at TT schools because she doesn't have the grades for that. She's been dragging her feet with the common app, the essay, getting in requests for teacher recommendations. Frankly, I think she's just overwhelmed by the college application process. DH and I took her out to dinner the other night and had a low key conversation about the whole thing -- her fears, her hopes, her feelings about not getting in to top schools. After that things seem better. DD is more willing to put in the effort and not as defensive when we bring up colleges. I think that dinner cleared the air somehow. Maybe something like this would work for you and your DS, OP?