In-laws came in uninvited
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Anonymous
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I'm on maternity leave. DS is three months old, so some days I don't look at my phone for hours because I'm busy with him. Last week he went down for a nap so I figured I'd take a nap, too. Woke up twenty minutes later because DS was crying and I heard voices in my house. It was the in-laws. They took it upon themselves to come into the house and hang out.
I came out of the bedroom with a crying baby and they're all, " Didn't you get our text?" I had not. I was kind of pissed. Would you be? Should I ask DH to say something to them? They offered to take the baby but I basically told them to leave. Now when they want to come over during the day, they call DH and ask him if I want them over. Weird? I think they know what they did was wrong. Moral of the story: be sure to lock the doors. |
Anonymous
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OP, is this your first child? Are your in laws local?
I just wanted to give you my perspective, as a mom of two school aged children, in a family that has had serious health problems and other difficulties. ARe these people good and kid, just a little socially clueless? Yes, you need to set boundaries, but having local grandparents who are willing to help you out with the kids is worth SO SO MUCH. Especially if both you and your husband work. Would they be willing and capable to watch your sick child? To help out with the older one, when you have the younger one in the hospital? HANG ON TO THEM. Local grandparents who are willing to help out (and are capable) are worth their weight in gold. And yes, of course, you should lock your doors when you nap. |
NOVATransplant
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| Sounds like they wanted to see their new grandbaby and you couldn't be bothered to check your phone. Sorry, you sound kind of bitchy |
Anonymous
Bitchy for taking a nap? WTF? |
Anonymous
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Ok, I agree with the PP who said that grandparents who want to help is worth a ton (it really is.. she's right).. BUT!!!!!! You are not the bitchy or crazy one. I would spontaneously combust if something like this happened to me and my in laws just went into my home! You don't owe anyone anything and do not need to be monitoring your phone. And when they didn't hear back from you, just as everyone else in the world would realize, they would recognize that they would need to plan in advance next time and learn their lesson.
To be totally honest, just based on the fact that they would think this type of behavior is ok would make me think that maybe they are not capable enough to be left alone with a baby/small child. It seems like there are some serious boundary issues here. |
Anonymous
| Keep the door locked. They were wrong, but this is the easiest solution to the problem. Even if I had a key, I would never barge into someone's home. People get killed that way. |
Anonymous
Sounds like you solved the problem that countless others have posted about before. Be glad and carry on. |
Anonymous
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No, you are not being unreasonable.
It doesn't matter if they want to be helpful, it's rude to just text, not get a response, and show up anyhow. Given you didn't respond to their text, they should have called. They were rude. If I were you, I would tell them that you appreciate that they want to see the baby, but they really need to check with you before stopping by. It's not unreasonable. A text saying "we're coming over" isn't enough. They need to check with you, as in 'hey, is it okay if we stop by?" I would be LIVID if anyone just let themselves into my house. My parents have keys to my house, but they understand that they still have to knock, that they are only to use the key in case of an emergency. I have a key to their house, too, and the same thing goes. I would never just let myself in without making sure it was okay with them beforehand. Don't let other PPs make you feel bad for setting boundaries. It's your house and your life. If you don't want people to just come and go as they please from your house, it's your right to set that boundary. |
NOVATransplant
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No, the part for kicking them out of your house. They now feel that they need to clear it with your husband before they can come over? Yep, you've seriously damaged the relationship with them. Lets hope they are the bigger people and accept the apology that you owe them. Like other posters have said, you should be grateful that you have grandparents nearby who are so willing to offer to lend a hand so you can nap. Trust me, a large percentage of your peers don't have that and a good percentage of them would give their right arm to have what you do. |
Anonymous
| Simple solution - get a top bolt on the door so its still locked when they open the deadbolt. |
Anonymous
| No you are not being unreasonable. My MIL used to do the same thing. She would just walk in without knocking or ringing the bell. It drove me batsh*t. I ring the bell when I go to my parents' house and they ring the bell when they come to our house. My husband told her a number of times to knock and she just never did so I took matters into my own hands and locked all the doors before she came over. She spent a while throwing herself against the front door trying to open it before she finally rang the doorbell. When I answered it she said, "Your door was locked! I couldn't get in!" And I responded, "Really? How many times did you ring the bell? I came to the door as soon as I heard it." The next time she came over the same thing happened and when she complained that she couldn't get in I said, "You may not just walk into our house. You need to ring the doorbell and we will invite you in." |
Anonymous
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OP, I'd be surprised if family just came barging in but I'd never ask them to leave - especially parents or in-laws.
You will learn the hard way that everyone needs help at certain times and undermining relationships by thoughtless and rude actions will result in a price to be paid in the future. For most people, the only sure support that one can count on when the chips are down is one's family. As others said, there were a dozen ways to handle a situation like this without being as offensive as you were. I don't know how close your husband is to his parents but if he is close, this may come to haunt you down the line. |
Anonymous
Finally! A grown-up on this thread! Listen to her, OP. |
Anonymous
The fact that you desperately want helpful in-laws does not obligate OP to host hers. OP - if they're not paying the mortgage, they don't get to come/go as they please. Showing up uninvited is really rude. Entering without permission and just making oneself at home is probably criminal. Hopefully they won't be jerks about it. They were completely wrong. |
Anonymous
I'm the PP, but not the OP. I think I'd be so flustered and out of sorts waking up from a nap and finding people in my house and then having them place the blame on me for not checking my texts, I suspect "this isn't a good time, you need to go" is probably the nicest thing I could say. Sure, I'd likely call later and apologize for my reaction, but, in turn, I'd also expect an apology for them just showing up and walking into the house without alerting me to their presence. But that's me. If there are plans for the in-laws to come over and they insist upon "double checking" with OP's husband every time, that's just passive aggressive and annoying. |