In-laws came in uninvited

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

NOVATransplant wrote:Sounds like they wanted to see their new grandbaby and you couldn't be bothered to check your phone. Sorry, you sound kind of bitchy

I tend to agree with this statement only because I come from a very open family and we are accustomed to being in everyone's business. I also very much appreciate how excited they are to be grandparents and they can't get enough of their new grandchild. It wouldn't have bothered me and not only would I be thankful for an impromptu sitter, I am not so entitled that I wouldn't want to grant them every opportunity to enjoy their grandkid. My advice - try and see if from their point of view.

I suggest you try and see it from the point of view of people who do not have nor do they want to have a family "being in everyone's business." You really can't understand that some people would be unhappy about ILs showing up in their house unannounced?

[Anonymous]

The inlaws should be ashamed of barging in on a new mother. That would have scared me to death. Ignore the crazy poster.

[Anonymous]

If I was your mother in law I would already have a key to your house haha

[Anonymous]

New FtMs are so cute.

[Anonymous]

I WOULD BE SO ANNOYED! Especially in my new baby sleep-deprived days. That being said, I'd work really hard to make sure I maintained a good relationship with the IL because their relationship with their grandchild is very important and really their help can be SO amazing.

But yes, you need to set boundaries. It's fine if they're checking with DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NOVATransplant wrote:Sounds like they wanted to see their new grandbaby and you couldn't be bothered to check your phone. Sorry, you sound kind of bitchy

I tend to agree with this statement only because I come from a very open family and we are accustomed to being in everyone's business. I also very much appreciate how excited they are to be grandparents and they can't get enough of their new grandchild. It wouldn't have bothered me and not only would I be thankful for an impromptu sitter, I am not so entitled that I wouldn't want to grant them every opportunity to enjoy their grandkid. My advice - try and see if from their point of view.

I suggest you try and see it from the point of view of people who do not have nor do they want to have a family "being in everyone's business." You really can't understand that some people would be unhappy about ILs showing up in their house unannounced?

+1 and I have an open family as well. There is no sense of entitlement to not wanting to be hosting inlaws unexpectedly. OP has a right to be annoyed.

[Anonymous]

OP, only empathy at the violation. I would consider however that calling your husband is a good thing! I am ALWAYS trying to get my inlaws to call my husband instead of me... I am NOT the social coordinator, despite my gender, so why not ask your SON about the weekend? Anyway, I digress.

True story: My to-be in-laws stopped by unannounced and let themselves into my then-fiance's apartment... while we were having sex. I was mortified at the time but am now SO glad that happened then. It stopped visits for about 5 years. After we had our first kid I guess they decided we stopped having sex though as the visits started up again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep the door locked. They were wrong, but this is the easiest solution to the problem. Even if I had a key, I would never barge into someone's home. People get killed that way.

Or baby goes missing and no one believes mom when she says I always leave the doors unlocked while I am napping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'd be surprised if family just came barging in but I'd never ask them to leave - especially parents or in-laws.
.

You should be mortified by your stupidity.

There is not a single person who is arguing that people have the right to arrive uninvited or to let themselves into the house. What some people are saying is that there are different ways to deal with these things. You don't make a confrontation about everything and you don't burn bridges especially with your husband's parents and in the process risk alienating your husband.

You inability to comprehend simple English is quite stunning but your willingness to polarize a situation that can be handled differently is not in doubt.

If you are married, with your attitude I feel sorry for your husband ....... if you are divorced, it is obvious why that would have happened and if you are single, you would save a lot of people grief by not getting married.

Says the future monster in law.

[Anonymous]

Op didn't actually kick them out, she nursed the baby after a nap - that's life with a newborn. If the ILs saw that as a reason to leave, that's on them and their issue, not op's.

But yes, please lock your doors!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'd be surprised if family just came barging in but I'd never ask them to leave - especially parents or in-laws.

You will learn the hard way that everyone needs help at certain times and undermining relationships by thoughtless and rude actions will result in a price to be paid in the future. For most people, the only sure support that one can count on when the chips are down is one's family.

As others said, there were a dozen ways to handle a situation like this without being as offensive as you were. I don't know how close your husband is to his parents but if he is close, this may come to haunt you down the line.

It is neither thoughtless nor rude to tell people who have not only ARRIVED UNINVITED but LET THEMSELVES INTO THE HOUSE that now is not a good time and that they need to come back another time. What planet are you from?!?!? She woke up from a nap to find people in her home! The thoughtless, rude people are her in-laws. They should be mortified by their behavior.

You should be mortified by your stupidity.

There is not a single person who is arguing that people have the right to arrive uninvited or to let themselves into the house. What some people are saying is that there are different ways to deal with these things. You don't make a confrontation about everything and you don't burn bridges especially with your husband's parents and in the process risk alienating your husband.

You inability to comprehend simple English is quite stunning but your willingness to polarize a situation that can be handled differently is not in doubt.

If you are married, with your attitude I feel sorry for your husband ....... if you are divorced, it is obvious why that would have happened and if you are single, you would save a lot of people grief by not getting married.

I don't know what you are so angry about. There is nothing I failed to comprehend; I simply disagree with you.

OP did not have a confrontation. She went to nurse her child. They chose to leave. Perhaps they realized, belatedly, how completely out of line their actions were. She did nothing polarizing whatsoever.

It is quite stunning that you would choose to diagnose the health of any possible relationship I might be in based on the fact that I think boundaries are healthy and barging in on people uninvited is inappropriate. I assure you, I am quite happily married, as is my spouse. You, however, seem to have a bizarre grudge of some sort - good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

We still don't gave an answer from OP. WHY WAS OPS DOOR UNLOCKED???!!!

[Anonymous]

Ugh, gave was supposed to be have, thanks autocorrect

[Anonymous]

I don't know about OP, but we leave our doors unlocked pretty much all the time during daylight hours, as do our neighbors. We feel safe in our neighborhood. I don't think the world around me is a terrifying place and that I have to erect barriers against. Locking the door behind me implies that I assume someone will follow me in.

(I used to live in a big city and locked my doors all the time because there actually was a good chance that someone might follow me in - we had homeless people who would sleep on our fire escapes and sleep in the hallways whenever a drunk person wouldn't notice them coming in.)

I usually will think to lock the doors if I am going to be asleep or will be taking a shower, but I don't always. It's not a big deal. The miniscule risk that there would be a daytime home invasion is one I am happy to accept if it means not living in a constant state of mental siege and fear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know about OP, but we leave our doors unlocked pretty much all the time during daylight hours, as do our neighbors. We feel safe in our neighborhood. I don't think the world around me is a terrifying place and that I have to erect barriers against. Locking the door behind me implies that I assume someone will follow me in.

(I used to live in a big city and locked my doors all the time because there actually was a good chance that someone might follow me in - we had homeless people who would sleep on our fire escapes and sleep in the hallways whenever a drunk person wouldn't notice them coming in.)

I usually will think to lock the doors if I am going to be asleep or will be taking a shower, but I don't always. It's not a big deal. The miniscule risk that there would be a daytime home invasion is one I am happy to accept if it means not living in a constant state of mental siege and fear.

You cannot be serious. Do you live in the DC area? Wasn't there a family outside Richmond (?) who was murdered when the father left the door unlocked, as they apparently always did?