In-laws came in uninvited

[Anonymous]

"A Family's Door Was Always Open . . . Until Murder Stepped Inside"

http://community.seattletimes.nwsource.com/archive/?date=19900416&slug=1066788

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

NOVATransplant wrote:Sounds like they wanted to see their new grandbaby and you couldn't be bothered to check your phone. Sorry, you sound kind of bitchy

I tend to agree with this statement only because I come from a very open family and we are accustomed to being in everyone's business. I also very much appreciate how excited they are to be grandparents and they can't get enough of their new grandchild. It wouldn't have bothered me and not only would I be thankful for an impromptu sitter, I am not so entitled that I wouldn't want to grant them every opportunity to enjoy their grandkid. My advice - try and see if from their point of view.

Yes, OP's ILs are accustomed to that as well.

OP, OTOH, is *not* accustomed, nor is she comfortable with other people being in *her* business. And since her business is her business (and not everyone else's), she has the final say on who is, and is not, in it.

You might give that some thought w/regard to your own family. You are open - but do others want you in their business? It's up to them and not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"A Family's Door Was Always Open . . . Until Murder Stepped Inside"

http://community.seattletimes.nwsource.com/archive/?date=19900416&slug=1066788

I'm from Richmond, i don't think PP was referring to that crime. I believe PP was referring to the Harvey family murder. An entire family, including two little girls, stabbed to death on their home. Left their door unlocked because they were having a NYD party for families. Murderers confessed they picked the house because they saw the door wide open. They lived in a nice, family friendly neighborhood.

So live in your fantasy world that because you feel safe or live in a smaller town or don't want to live in fear, it can happen anywhere anytime. Lock your doors. I know the woman who dropped off one of the Harvey daughters while the murderers were in the house, the one who saw the look on Mrs. Harvey's face but couldn't figure out what was wrong. She narrowly escaped her and he daughter being killed, but still has enormous survivors guilt and will never, EVER be the same.

Lock your doors people.
http://www.timesdispatch.com/news/remembering-the-harvey-family-five-years-after-murders/article_69f5a455-2192-5144-93bc-add8aea87e4f.html

[Anonymous]

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/10777028/ns/msnbc-the_abrams_report/t/murder-mayhem-richmond/

[Anonymous]

They were out of line. My MIL did the same thing calling from the front porch. I think it is done with good intentions, but can be frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"A Family's Door Was Always Open . . . Until Murder Stepped Inside"

http://community.seattletimes.nwsource.com/archive/?date=19900416&slug=1066788

I'm from Richmond, i don't think PP was referring to that crime. I believe PP was referring to the Harvey family murder. An entire family, including two little girls, stabbed to death on their home. Left their door unlocked because they were having a NYD party for families. Murderers confessed they picked the house because they saw the door wide open. They lived in a nice, family friendly neighborhood.

So live in your fantasy world that because you feel safe or live in a smaller town or don't want to live in fear, it can happen anywhere anytime. Lock your doors. I know the woman who dropped off one of the Harvey daughters while the murderers were in the house, the one who saw the look on Mrs. Harvey's face but couldn't figure out what was wrong. She narrowly escaped her and he daughter being killed, but still has enormous survivors guilt and will never, EVER be the same.

Lock your doors people.
http://www.timesdispatch.com/news/remembering-the-harvey-family-five-years-after-murders/article_69f5a455-2192-5144-93bc-add8aea87e4f.html

Yes, that is the one I meant, thanks! Lock your doors!!

[Anonymous]

Just because I lock my doors doesn't mean I live in a state of fear and siege. It means I'm not stupid.

[Anonymous]

Can we stop getting sidetracked into locked doors? Maybe OP's in-laws have keys -- that still doesn't mean they can waltz into her house whenever it's convenient for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'd be surprised if family just came barging in but I'd never ask them to leave - especially parents or in-laws.

You will learn the hard way that everyone needs help at certain times and undermining relationships by thoughtless and rude actions will result in a price to be paid in the future. For most people, the only sure support that one can count on when the chips are down is one's family.

As others said, there were a dozen ways to handle a situation like this without being as offensive as you were. I don't know how close your husband is to his parents but if he is close, this may come to haunt you down the line.

It is neither thoughtless nor rude to tell people who have not only ARRIVED UNINVITED but LET THEMSELVES INTO THE HOUSE that now is not a good time and that they need to come back another time. What planet are you from?!?!? She woke up from a nap to find people in her home! The thoughtless, rude people are her in-laws. They should be mortified by their behavior.

You should be mortified by your stupidity.

There is not a single person who is arguing that people have the right to arrive uninvited or to let themselves into the house. What some people are saying is that there are different ways to deal with these things. You don't make a confrontation about everything and you don't burn bridges especially with your husband's parents and in the process risk alienating your husband.

You inability to comprehend simple English is quite stunning but your willingness to polarize a situation that can be handled differently is not in doubt.

If you are married, with your attitude I feel sorry for your husband ....... if you are divorced, it is obvious why that would have happened and if you are single, you would save a lot of people grief by not getting married.

I don't know what you are so angry about. There is nothing I failed to comprehend; I simply disagree with you.

OP did not have a confrontation. She went to nurse her child. They chose to leave. Perhaps they realized, belatedly, how completely out of line their actions were. She did nothing polarizing whatsoever.

It is quite stunning that you would choose to diagnose the health of any possible relationship I might be in based on the fact that I think boundaries are healthy and barging in on people uninvited is inappropriate. I assure you, I am quite happily married, as is my spouse. You, however, seem to have a bizarre grudge of some sort - good luck with that.

Like I said, comprehension is definitely not your strong suit.

From the OP (her words): "They offered to take the baby but I basically told them to leave". How does that fit into your statement that "they chose to leave"?

Boundaries are healthy - on that point we can agree. How one communicates those boundaries is the issue - and asking one's in-laws to leave especially given that OP did not indicate that this was a habitual problem is the wrong way to do it.

Oh, and when you respond to someone's post with "What planet are you from?!?!?" you are inviting a reaction.

Let me repeat: you do have a problem with simple comprehension and if you have any doubt try and follow the sequence of posts that you responded to and see if a more diligent reading would have left you with a different interpretation of what I sought to say and how you reacted to my comments. Disagreement is a part of life and we both obviously view things differently.

These forums are full of total insensitivity when it comes to dealing with parents and in-laws and people seeking confrontation when there should be none. Relationships must be nurtured whether it is with parents, in-laws, a spouse or with friends. Asking in-laws to leave your house is not something that one should do lightly. If you don't see that ...... well, that is something else we can agree to disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can we stop getting sidetracked into locked doors? Maybe OP's in-laws have keys -- that still doesn't mean they can waltz into her house whenever it's convenient for them.

Actually I disagree, I think it is relevant. How did the inlaws get in the house? With keys? Do they have their own set? IMO using keys to unlock the door without permission is more of a crossed boundary than opening a locked door. Just today I stopped by a friend's house, she was expecting me but when I knocked and knocked and texted she never replied. I tried the door, it was unlocked, so I opened it, peeked my head in, said "hello, Larla, it's me Quinoa, are you here?" Only then did she head me, she said she was in the basement. To make a short point into a long story, maybe a similar thing happened here. Inlaws show up, knock on the door, hear nothing, for some reason try the door, it opens, so they come in and are saying " hello? ". VERSUS they have a key, don't even knock, just unlock the door and come on in. I would be more upset with the second scene.

And this is another PSA, lock your fing doors!

[Anonymous]

PP here, obviously the phrase "opening a locked door should be opening an unlocked door. Sorry typing too fast.