Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why those who have differing opinions from others in the thread feel the need to come in and defend their choices and tell the others what they *should* have written. The question was, "How did you know it was right for you?" These are personal answers that people are giving about their *own* situations. If you love staying at home or going to work, it's your own choice, and you don't have to pad your answer to accommodate how the other person feels about THEIR choice.

I think you are referring to me. I am simply trying to give the OP a balanced view. When you have never experienced daycare, it is an emotional choice to make. I know b/c I had to face it. Simply hearing all of the personal opinions of the SAHM's on here gives OP nothing to think about other than the feeling that she will somehow be letting down her child if she doesn't decide to stay at home, which has just not been my experience. Again, these personal opinions about daycare being expressed on here are not based on experience, they are based solely on emotion and heresay. If there were any current SAHM moms on here who could speak to their experience in daycare and why they subsequently chose to stay home, that would be a balanced view. But they're not here. So I'm just trying to give the perspective from the other side of the equation.

How would you know that? how many years did you SAH for to be able to make this statement that you know both sides and that someone how your experience is the one that matters. And others opinion is just emotion and heresay? We get that you think SAH is pathetic. I think you should give OP some credit that she has looked at varying options and was interested in knowing how SAH parents came to the decision to stay at home. You jumping in to defend why daycare is so much better is just useless. Start a thread on how WOH p came to make the decision that that was right for them if you want to extol the benefits of daycare and bash SAHP. Why is it so awful for parents who SAH to talk about why that was right for them.

I SAH but guess what I worked in a a daycare for 8 years before I had children. Too bad you completely discount my experience as just emotion and heresay because it is different than yours. It isn't daycare that will be damaging to your kids, it is your narrow minded arrogance that what you think is right and what everyone else thinks is wrong.

No. I don't think that SAH is pathetic. I thought I made that really clear. I have good friends and family that have made that choice, and even though I work FT, I respect and admire what they are doing. And I never claimed to know both sides, only to represent the viewpoint of someone who did choose daycare for a variety of reasons. I was reacting to all of the clearly first time moms who said that the thought of daycare made them ill, etc etc. Since they've never experienced having a child in daycare, they can't really speak to what it is like - just their IDEAS about what it WOULD be like. Just like I can't speak to what it is like to be a FT SAHM (though I imagine it is damned hard, and likely not for me). Nor was I saying that daycare is better - just making the point that it is not the end of the world for your child, nor does it mean that you are any less of a parent. Calm down - I am not denigrating anyone's choices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why those who have differing opinions from others in the thread feel the need to come in and defend their choices and tell the others what they *should* have written. The question was, "How did you know it was right for you?" These are personal answers that people are giving about their *own* situations. If you love staying at home or going to work, it's your own choice, and you don't have to pad your answer to accommodate how the other person feels about THEIR choice.

I think you are referring to me. I am simply trying to give the OP a balanced view. When you have never experienced daycare, it is an emotional choice to make. I know b/c I had to face it. Simply hearing all of the personal opinions of the SAHM's on here gives OP nothing to think about other than the feeling that she will somehow be letting down her child if she doesn't decide to stay at home, which has just not been my experience. Again, these personal opinions about daycare being expressed on here are not based on experience, they are based solely on emotion and heresay. If there were any current SAHM moms on here who could speak to their experience in daycare and why they subsequently chose to stay home, that would be a balanced view. But they're not here. So I'm just trying to give the perspective from the other side of the equation.

How would you know that? how many years did you SAH for to be able to make this statement that you know both sides and that someone how your experience is the one that matters. And others opinion is just emotion and heresay? We get that you think SAH is pathetic. I think you should give OP some credit that she has looked at varying options and was interested in knowing how SAH parents came to the decision to stay at home. You jumping in to defend why daycare is so much better is just useless. Start a thread on how WOH p came to make the decision that that was right for them if you want to extol the benefits of daycare and bash SAHP. Why is it so awful for parents who SAH to talk about why that was right for them.

I SAH but guess what I worked in a a daycare for 8 years before I had children. Too bad you completely discount my experience as just emotion and heresay because it is different than yours. It isn't daycare that will be damaging to your kids, it is your narrow minded arrogance that what you think is right and what everyone else thinks is wrong.

No. I don't think that SAH is pathetic. I thought I made that really clear. I have good friends and family that have made that choice, and even though I work FT, I respect and admire what they are doing. And I never claimed to know both sides, only to represent the viewpoint of someone who did choose daycare for a variety of reasons. I was reacting to all of the clearly first time moms who said that the thought of daycare made them ill, etc etc. Since they've never experienced having a child in daycare, they can't really speak to what it is like - just their IDEAS about what it WOULD be like. Just like I can't speak to what it is like to be a FT SAHM (though I imagine it is damned hard, and likely not for me). Nor was I saying that daycare is better - just making the point that it is not the end of the world for your child, nor does it mean that you are any less of a parent. Calm down - I am not denigrating anyone's choices.

And you have never experienced staying at home so you wouldn't have a clue as to why that would be right for people.

I just don't get why you think your opinion should override everyone else's in a thread asking SAHp about why they felt it was right for them when you have never even SAH.

Anonymous wrote:I'm waffling. My husband (a) loves his job, (b) appears to be secure in his job, and (c) makes enough money to support us in a lifestyle that meets our needs and most of our wants (a Toyota Corolla is just fine with me). I like being a mum, and I like being employed and engaged with society in that way, too.

I know that taking a few years off will make it VERY hard to return to the workforce, so right now I'm taking a step down. I lucked out in finding a 3-4 days a week job that I like well enough. That gives me two days with my kiddies... though, honestly, a lot of that time is spent cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping and running errands. The quality time with my family still happens in the evenings!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why those who have differing opinions from others in the thread feel the need to come in and defend their choices and tell the others what they *should* have written. The question was, "How did you know it was right for you?" These are personal answers that people are giving about their *own* situations. If you love staying at home or going to work, it's your own choice, and you don't have to pad your answer to accommodate how the other person feels about THEIR choice.

I think you are referring to me. I am simply trying to give the OP a balanced view. When you have never experienced daycare, it is an emotional choice to make. I know b/c I had to face it. Simply hearing all of the personal opinions of the SAHM's on here gives OP nothing to think about other than the feeling that she will somehow be letting down her child if she doesn't decide to stay at home, which has just not been my experience. Again, these personal opinions about daycare being expressed on here are not based on experience, they are based solely on emotion and heresay. If there were any current SAHM moms on here who could speak to their experience in daycare and why they subsequently chose to stay home, that would be a balanced view. But they're not here. So I'm just trying to give the perspective from the other side of the equation.

How would you know that? how many years did you SAH for to be able to make this statement that you know both sides and that someone how your experience is the one that matters. And others opinion is just emotion and heresay? We get that you think SAH is pathetic. I think you should give OP some credit that she has looked at varying options and was interested in knowing how SAH parents came to the decision to stay at home. You jumping in to defend why daycare is so much better is just useless. Start a thread on how WOH p came to make the decision that that was right for them if you want to extol the benefits of daycare and bash SAHP. Why is it so awful for parents who SAH to talk about why that was right for them.

I SAH but guess what I worked in a a daycare for 8 years before I had children. Too bad you completely discount my experience as just emotion and heresay because it is different than yours. It isn't daycare that will be damaging to your kids, it is your narrow minded arrogance that what you think is right and what everyone else thinks is wrong.

No. I don't think that SAH is pathetic. I thought I made that really clear. I have good friends and family that have made that choice, and even though I work FT, I respect and admire what they are doing. And I never claimed to know both sides, only to represent the viewpoint of someone who did choose daycare for a variety of reasons. I was reacting to all of the clearly first time moms who said that the thought of daycare made them ill, etc etc. Since they've never experienced having a child in daycare, they can't really speak to what it is like - just their IDEAS about what it WOULD be like. Just like I can't speak to what it is like to be a FT SAHM (though I imagine it is damned hard, and likely not for me). Nor was I saying that daycare is better - just making the point that it is not the end of the world for your child, nor does it mean that you are any less of a parent. Calm down - I am not denigrating anyone's choices.

And you have never experienced staying at home so you wouldn't have a clue as to why that would be right for people.

I just don't get why you think your opinion should override everyone else's in a thread asking SAHp about why they felt it was right for them when you have never even SAH.

Okay. I don't think that and I never stated any of that on here, but if you feel the need to misinterpret and twist my words go right ahead. I'll leave so you can only hear viewpoints that agree with you 100%. You sound like a class-A royal BITCH. Just the kind of person I don't waste time trying to have an intelligent discussion with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why those who have differing opinions from others in the thread feel the need to come in and defend their choices and tell the others what they *should* have written. The question was, "How did you know it was right for you?" These are personal answers that people are giving about their *own* situations. If you love staying at home or going to work, it's your own choice, and you don't have to pad your answer to accommodate how the other person feels about THEIR choice.

I think you are referring to me. I am simply trying to give the OP a balanced view. When you have never experienced daycare, it is an emotional choice to make. I know b/c I had to face it. Simply hearing all of the personal opinions of the SAHM's on here gives OP nothing to think about other than the feeling that she will somehow be letting down her child if she doesn't decide to stay at home, which has just not been my experience. Again, these personal opinions about daycare being expressed on here are not based on experience, they are based solely on emotion and heresay. If there were any current SAHM moms on here who could speak to their experience in daycare and why they subsequently chose to stay home, that would be a balanced view. But they're not here. So I'm just trying to give the perspective from the other side of the equation.

How would you know that? how many years did you SAH for to be able to make this statement that you know both sides and that someone how your experience is the one that matters. And others opinion is just emotion and heresay? We get that you think SAH is pathetic. I think you should give OP some credit that she has looked at varying options and was interested in knowing how SAH parents came to the decision to stay at home. You jumping in to defend why daycare is so much better is just useless. Start a thread on how WOH p came to make the decision that that was right for them if you want to extol the benefits of daycare and bash SAHP. Why is it so awful for parents who SAH to talk about why that was right for them.

I SAH but guess what I worked in a a daycare for 8 years before I had children. Too bad you completely discount my experience as just emotion and heresay because it is different than yours. It isn't daycare that will be damaging to your kids, it is your narrow minded arrogance that what you think is right and what everyone else thinks is wrong.

No. I don't think that SAH is pathetic. I thought I made that really clear. I have good friends and family that have made that choice, and even though I work FT, I respect and admire what they are doing. And I never claimed to know both sides, only to represent the viewpoint of someone who did choose daycare for a variety of reasons. I was reacting to all of the clearly first time moms who said that the thought of daycare made them ill, etc etc. Since they've never experienced having a child in daycare, they can't really speak to what it is like - just their IDEAS about what it WOULD be like. Just like I can't speak to what it is like to be a FT SAHM (though I imagine it is damned hard, and likely not for me). Nor was I saying that daycare is better - just making the point that it is not the end of the world for your child, nor does it mean that you are any less of a parent. Calm down - I am not denigrating anyone's choices.

And you have never experienced staying at home so you wouldn't have a clue as to why that would be right for people.

I just don't get why you think your opinion should override everyone else's in a thread asking SAHp about why they felt it was right for them when you have never even SAH.

Okay. I don't think that and I never stated any of that on here, but if you feel the need to misinterpret and twist my words go right ahead. I'll leave so you can only hear viewpoints that agree with you 100%. You sound like a class-A royal BITCH. Just the kind of person I don't waste time trying to have an intelligent discussion with.

You said your opinion was the one that was balanced and everyone else's was just emotion and heresay. This in a thread where you don't even have any experience with the question being asked. I am not surprised you are name calling. You are the kind of person that talks over every one else in the conversation then storms off in a huff of name calling when you get called on it.

Anonymous wrote:For people who say they can't imagine someone else raising their kids...do you think that your working spouse isn't raising your kids either? I get what you're saying- that you want either yourself or your spouse caring for the kids rather than someone else during the day, but to say that daycare is raising your kids...well, that means that the partner who works isn't really raising your kids either, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I felt very strongly that I didn't want anyone but my boyfriend and I being the ones instilling values and morals in our kids.

That's funny. You're talking values but you're not married to the father of your child?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For people who say they can't imagine someone else raising their kids...do you think that your working spouse isn't raising your kids either? I get what you're saying- that you want either yourself or your spouse caring for the kids rather than someone else during the day, but to say that daycare is raising your kids...well, that means that the partner who works isn't really raising your kids either, right?

I see it as there being many facets to raising a child. There is the overall responsibility of raising a healthy, happy, independent child into adulthood. Part of that requires finances - therefore working is part of raising a child and he takes on more of that aspect. There is all the decision making that goes into raising a child and we are both equally part of that. There is creating healthy relationships and a healthy home environment and we are both part of that. Then there is the hands-on raising of the child, the day-to-day work to support growth and development, to create socially, emotionally and physically healthy children, the thousands of little interactions that shape who they are and who they will become and as a SAH parent I do far more of that than my DH - he only chips in in this area in the evening and on weekends. While we both instill values, it is the hands-on part and how I (as the one taking that on) react and respond that reinforces those values. Then there is the caregiving aspect (eating, toileting etc) and I do more of that as well simply because again he is only home evening and weekends. It works for us. He trusts me to do the hands on part. We talk about how the day went and he gives input into how we could approach or address something differently. I trust him to do the financial part. The rest we do together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For people who say they can't imagine someone else raising their kids...do you think that your working spouse isn't raising your kids either? I get what you're saying- that you want either yourself or your spouse caring for the kids rather than someone else during the day, but to say that daycare is raising your kids...well, that means that the partner who works isn't really raising your kids either, right?

I see it as there being many facets to raising a child. There is the overall responsibility of raising a healthy, happy, independent child into adulthood. Part of that requires finances - therefore working is part of raising a child and he takes on more of that aspect. There is all the decision making that goes into raising a child and we are both equally part of that. There is creating healthy relationships and a healthy home environment and we are both part of that. Then there is the hands-on raising of the child, the day-to-day work to support growth and development, to create socially, emotionally and physically healthy children, the thousands of little interactions that shape who they are and who they will become and as a SAH parent I do far more of that than my DH - he only chips in in this area in the evening and on weekends. While we both instill values, it is the hands-on part and how I (as the one taking that on) react and respond that reinforces those values. Then there is the caregiving aspect (eating, toileting etc) and I do more of that as well simply because again he is only home evening and weekends. It works for us. He trusts me to do the hands on part. We talk about how the day went and he gives input into how we could approach or address something differently. I trust him to do the financial part. The rest we do together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For people who say they can't imagine someone else raising their kids...do you think that your working spouse isn't raising your kids either? I get what you're saying- that you want either yourself or your spouse caring for the kids rather than someone else during the day, but to say that daycare is raising your kids...well, that means that the partner who works isn't really raising your kids either, right?

I see it as there being many facets to raising a child. There is the overall responsibility of raising a healthy, happy, independent child into adulthood. Part of that requires finances - therefore working is part of raising a child and he takes on more of that aspect. There is all the decision making that goes into raising a child and we are both equally part of that. There is creating healthy relationships and a healthy home environment and we are both part of that. Then there is the hands-on raising of the child, the day-to-day work to support growth and development, to create socially, emotionally and physically healthy children, the thousands of little interactions that shape who they are and who they will become and as a SAH parent I do far more of that than my DH - he only chips in in this area in the evening and on weekends. While we both instill values, it is the hands-on part and how I (as the one taking that on) react and respond that reinforces those values. Then there is the caregiving aspect (eating, toileting etc) and I do more of that as well simply because again he is only home evening and weekends. It works for us. He trusts me to do the hands on part. We talk about how the day went and he gives input into how we could approach or address something differently. I trust him to do the financial part. The rest we do together.

not pp but this is an interesting post, and thank you for it. what i genuinely don't understand is your reference to raising an independent child. you obviously value independence as an important personal characteristic - as a SAHM, do you feel that you have it? does your financial dependence on your husband worry you?