Message
Losing sleep is rough, but there really isn't a set time for children to get thru a stage like that. Each little blessing is different.
It sounds like you have tried lots of things and you're consistent. Good for you, I lack consistency so I applaud it in others. Have your tried to give him a snack or a glass of milk or something like that? Maybe he wakes up angry because he's hungry.
I'm sorry that your sleep is disturbed and I will say a prayer for y'all to get thru this stage quickly.
It sounds like you have tried lots of things and you're consistent. Good for you, I lack consistency so I applaud it in others. Have your tried to give him a snack or a glass of milk or something like that? Maybe he wakes up angry because he's hungry.
I'm sorry that your sleep is disturbed and I will say a prayer for y'all to get thru this stage quickly.
I worry very much about what our children are taught. School is a place to teach them skills and knowledge it's not a place for children to be subjected to adult's opinions on culture, religion, politics, and so on. It's confusing; each year they have a different teacher with different opinions and values. I believe the best thing we can do for our children is to teach them the values in which we believe, teach them why we believe what we believe and help them understand the adult dynamics going on around them when those dynamics cause them confusion or problems. For the original poster, I understand your concern and I am sorry about some of the negative responses you have received. Responding to someone else's concern with anger is never the right thing to do. I realize you may not want to be "that parent" but graciously inquiring at the school about what goes on the your child's classroom may help resolve the problem. Standing by worrying about what is taught will not help you or your child.
Anonymous wrote:Thank you. This calms my nerves!
I am so happy to help. I know it is hard to stay calm because this is your child we're discussing, but do be calm because that will definitely help.
I am both an educator and a parent, so here is my take on your situation from both those perspectives.
First as an educator. Children naturally develop at different rates. Our school systems do not take this into account; they lump everyone into one category and there you have benchmarks. I have seen may completely normally developing children fail to meet standards at lower grades only to catch up and go beyond their peers in the coming years. I have seen parents patiently wait for their children to master skills and I have seen parents panic and pursue testing, tutoring, etc. to the extent it became unhealthy for the child. There is a balance between these two extremes. As an educator I would encourage you to discuss your child's situation with her teacher. Her teacher is your best source of information. Testing is great, but the everyday behaviors your child exhibits are more informative than tests and it is the teacher (if this is indeed a quality teacher) that will observe these behaviors. I also caution you about googling symptoms of learning disabilities. It is oh so easy to misdiagnose. That is why professionals study, intern and earn degrees to be able to diagnose learning disabilities.
Now as a parent. My daughter struggled with reading. Struggled!!! She is exceptionally smart, high IQ scores, performed well in all other subjects, had no behavior problems .... she was a model student but was so, so, so slow to read. By 2nd grade I thought I would pull my hair out when it was time to read with her. It was so painful. Her teacher kept telling me it is all a matter of practice. For the love of learning! I'm an educator! I know that! But this is MY kid! Turns out her teacher was right. It was a matter of practice. By 3rd grade she was reading at grade level and by the time she entered middle school she was far, far above grade level and had became a voracious reader. I just couldn't buy enough books for her. What made the difference for her was motivation. We got her a small pocket pet and she started reading to her pocket pet. That poor little animal heard every story in the library. Twice. I also read to both of them sometimes and she would follow along. So the combination of practice and observing my reading did the trick. So my advice as a parent is to see if there is something you can do to increase your child's reading practice, to model reading behaviors, to try to stay calm (which is so hard when other parents are telling you to do something and do it now) and continually consult with your child's teacher.
I hope this helps. I will pray for guidance for you because I know from experience this is a difficult parenting task you are facing.
First as an educator. Children naturally develop at different rates. Our school systems do not take this into account; they lump everyone into one category and there you have benchmarks. I have seen may completely normally developing children fail to meet standards at lower grades only to catch up and go beyond their peers in the coming years. I have seen parents patiently wait for their children to master skills and I have seen parents panic and pursue testing, tutoring, etc. to the extent it became unhealthy for the child. There is a balance between these two extremes. As an educator I would encourage you to discuss your child's situation with her teacher. Her teacher is your best source of information. Testing is great, but the everyday behaviors your child exhibits are more informative than tests and it is the teacher (if this is indeed a quality teacher) that will observe these behaviors. I also caution you about googling symptoms of learning disabilities. It is oh so easy to misdiagnose. That is why professionals study, intern and earn degrees to be able to diagnose learning disabilities.
Now as a parent. My daughter struggled with reading. Struggled!!! She is exceptionally smart, high IQ scores, performed well in all other subjects, had no behavior problems .... she was a model student but was so, so, so slow to read. By 2nd grade I thought I would pull my hair out when it was time to read with her. It was so painful. Her teacher kept telling me it is all a matter of practice. For the love of learning! I'm an educator! I know that! But this is MY kid! Turns out her teacher was right. It was a matter of practice. By 3rd grade she was reading at grade level and by the time she entered middle school she was far, far above grade level and had became a voracious reader. I just couldn't buy enough books for her. What made the difference for her was motivation. We got her a small pocket pet and she started reading to her pocket pet. That poor little animal heard every story in the library. Twice. I also read to both of them sometimes and she would follow along. So the combination of practice and observing my reading did the trick. So my advice as a parent is to see if there is something you can do to increase your child's reading practice, to model reading behaviors, to try to stay calm (which is so hard when other parents are telling you to do something and do it now) and continually consult with your child's teacher.
I hope this helps. I will pray for guidance for you because I know from experience this is a difficult parenting task you are facing.
PPD can occur with any pregnancy and it doesn't have to be in close proximity to the baby's birth. I'm sorry that you are having it now, but just know it is normal. A few people have said to get treatment and I agree with that. but beyond that it's helpful to have little things to get you through the day. I find it very encouraging to listen to podcasts. I love to put them on while I do my stuff around the house so I can hear the happy chatting of someone else. If you're like me you'll enjoy this podcast about overcoming PPD http://bit.ly/2cs6R2F its 2 part and kind of long but it's nice to hear the happy voices. Hang in there, you'll get through this.
I think its good news that your son only demonstrates the clingy behavior with you and when he’s away from you he demonstrates that he has developed life skills. Good job, mom! You’ve taught him how to manage his own behavior! The tough part is that you don’t get to enjoy it when you’re together. Argh! One of the crosses mom’s bear is that our children behave better for other people than they do for us!
Based on the things you have said, I think your son might be extremely bonded to you and just hasn’t learned to be independent when you are around. Kind of like a separation issue. If this is the case he needs to learn to manage his behavior when you ARE around. Activities where he is forced to be independent while knowing you are present in the background may help. He needs to be confidant you are always there for him if he really needs you, but he also needs to be confident in his ability to not need you.
The field trip might be a great opportunity. Talk to the teacher about your situation and see if you can go, but be responsible for children other than your son. Usually chaperones are assigned a small group of children. Have your son assigned to another mom. You will still be there, but he will not be allowed to cling to you. This will be difficult for him initially and he may fight it, but be strong and consistent. With practice he can learn to be bonded to you, but independent from you.
Let us know what you decide and how it’s going.
Based on the things you have said, I think your son might be extremely bonded to you and just hasn’t learned to be independent when you are around. Kind of like a separation issue. If this is the case he needs to learn to manage his behavior when you ARE around. Activities where he is forced to be independent while knowing you are present in the background may help. He needs to be confidant you are always there for him if he really needs you, but he also needs to be confident in his ability to not need you.
The field trip might be a great opportunity. Talk to the teacher about your situation and see if you can go, but be responsible for children other than your son. Usually chaperones are assigned a small group of children. Have your son assigned to another mom. You will still be there, but he will not be allowed to cling to you. This will be difficult for him initially and he may fight it, but be strong and consistent. With practice he can learn to be bonded to you, but independent from you.
Let us know what you decide and how it’s going.
Don’t give up! You can kick start it! This happens in lots of marriages. It sounds like you have a beautiful family with well-adjusted children. Don’t give that up for a different set of problems that arise come when parent split.
There are many, many factors that can cause people to feel like the spark is gone and there are many ways to overcome this problem. I suggest this series of articles http://bit.ly/29u0X14 because I think it sounds like you and your husband just need to spend some time on yourselves and there are great techniques for maximizing that time. This website might be helpful as well,http://www.5lovelanguages.com/Take the quiz to discover your “love language.” I know it sounds goofy but it will help you learn about yourself. I’m also a big fan of the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Helped me understand my husband better.
Don’t surrender, fight the good fight and win!
There are many, many factors that can cause people to feel like the spark is gone and there are many ways to overcome this problem. I suggest this series of articles http://bit.ly/29u0X14 because I think it sounds like you and your husband just need to spend some time on yourselves and there are great techniques for maximizing that time. This website might be helpful as well,http://www.5lovelanguages.com/Take the quiz to discover your “love language.” I know it sounds goofy but it will help you learn about yourself. I’m also a big fan of the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Helped me understand my husband better.
Don’t surrender, fight the good fight and win!
Woo-hoo, congratulations on the parenting win!! Seems like a full belly can help with so many of life's problems. I like to fill mine with cookies, but then I have to exercise. Sigh. Anyway, sooo happy for you.
My husband and I have always said it’s too bad children don’t come with their own personalized user’s manual. Each one is different so what works for one, even in the same family, may not work for the other. So don’t be discouraged as you try to figure out how to help your sweet boy.
Having mostly eliminated the teething, ear infection and hunger as causes, what you describe could be separation anxiety. This can be significant for some babies. It sounds like physical contact with you makes him feel more comfortable so this is my best guess. Some research on separation anxiety may help you decide how to proceed. I think this article is a good one http://bit.ly/28NHaIV
I’m sure you, your husband and your 4yo are losing sleep too, which makes everyone cranky but hang in there, you’ll get thru this.
Having mostly eliminated the teething, ear infection and hunger as causes, what you describe could be separation anxiety. This can be significant for some babies. It sounds like physical contact with you makes him feel more comfortable so this is my best guess. Some research on separation anxiety may help you decide how to proceed. I think this article is a good one http://bit.ly/28NHaIV
I’m sure you, your husband and your 4yo are losing sleep too, which makes everyone cranky but hang in there, you’ll get thru this.
Wow, what a wide range of responses to your post! My own dh has worked hard in his parenting techniques so I would like to add my 2 cents as well, and I have 3 suggestions.
First, I believe communication between the two of you is key. You both have obviously recognized this issue so you can talk about it openly and non-judgmentally.
Second, I think the stereotype of the manly-dad is just a stereotype. Each dad’s personality and parenting behaviors are different and being different doesn’t prevent them from being successful. This series of articles http://bit.ly/1Y9mA7I may help you both to learn how those great qualities that make him a dh can also make him a dear father.
Thirdly, as your child grows you may want to get him (if you do indeed have a boy) involved in organizations in which dads participate, such as Boy Scouts. This will give your dh an opportunity to develop relationships with other dads that will nurture his personal growth and his parenting skills. In the meantime, he may enjoy this blog http://bit.ly/1TVXtjR it is all about dad-type things and it is written by dads.
You are obviously caring people, I think your child is lucky to have you both and I wish you all the best!
First, I believe communication between the two of you is key. You both have obviously recognized this issue so you can talk about it openly and non-judgmentally.
Second, I think the stereotype of the manly-dad is just a stereotype. Each dad’s personality and parenting behaviors are different and being different doesn’t prevent them from being successful. This series of articles http://bit.ly/1Y9mA7I may help you both to learn how those great qualities that make him a dh can also make him a dear father.
Thirdly, as your child grows you may want to get him (if you do indeed have a boy) involved in organizations in which dads participate, such as Boy Scouts. This will give your dh an opportunity to develop relationships with other dads that will nurture his personal growth and his parenting skills. In the meantime, he may enjoy this blog http://bit.ly/1TVXtjR it is all about dad-type things and it is written by dads.
You are obviously caring people, I think your child is lucky to have you both and I wish you all the best!