Message
Restaurant Eve in Alexandria
OP, does he not give you orgasms at all? You didn't explain the problem in detail. He lasts 2 minutes but is he able to go again soon after that? Is he learning how to give you an orgasm? I am not sure how bad your situation is.
I am not someone who has ever stayed in a relationship with bad sex for long enough to fall in love but this is quite a predicament unless you can get him up to speed. I would certainly not commit to a lifetime of bad sex.
I am not someone who has ever stayed in a relationship with bad sex for long enough to fall in love but this is quite a predicament unless you can get him up to speed. I would certainly not commit to a lifetime of bad sex.
Love this one:
Youth by Daughter:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QT5eGHCJdE
Nice cover song about forgiveness by India Arie:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ClPiJuvSQo
And this one makes me laugh:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jiZ12FFy6UM
Youth by Daughter:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QT5eGHCJdE
Nice cover song about forgiveness by India Arie:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ClPiJuvSQo
And this one makes me laugh:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jiZ12FFy6UM
Anonymous wrote:I'm 26 and my boyfriend is 25 and he sends me a "good morning beautiful" text every morning when he leaves for work. I love it and dont see how it would mean a guy is a player....
I think it depends on the boyfriend. It can be a really nice thing when it's the right person.
Interesting! I didn't know this was a "thing" but looking back, I see that it is. The "good morning" text is probably seen as a job... Send them out to multiple women to give them all the impression that you are thinking of them first thing in the morning.
Anonymous wrote:Elektra wrote:Anonymous wrote:Elektra wrote:Well, it's slang so it's not that easy to find a reliable definition. Here is one from the slang dictionary if anyone is interested:
a person who dates more than one person at a time, usually just for sex or other perks. Will typically do anything to have sex with someone. Carries a heavy negative connotation. Usually used to describe males, but could be used to describe females who act in this manner. Often pronounced "playa".
you are in an open relationship correct? with more than one person and while it might not be based primarily on sex I don't think you'd be hanging around if sex was off the table? Also, comments to the effect that you had to walk away from relationships before it got too crazy seem, IMO, to bolster the notion that you are more of a player than you let on. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
I'm not sure how much to say about my personal life but I fall more on the polyamorous end of the spectrum, meaning "many loves," so my orientation is not toward meaningless sex. I would not consider a relationship which did not include sex, a romantic relationship. It would become a friendship and I would stick around if there were good reasons to continue the friendship. I think everyone has walked away from a relationship before it got ugly. At least I hope so.
In some ways I wish I was a player but I am not.
I see the player as being particularly unempathetic. Almost a "neonarcissist" - not clinical narcissism, but far along that spectrum. Women or men are conquests and nothing more. The aftermath of the relationship to the other person are irrelevant. The player justifies this because he or she never promised anything. To the other person, however, the promises were plentiful, but always indirect. Players have to be extremely smart, because the core of playing is misdirection for as long as it suits the player's needs.
That is true and that is why women should learn to be smarter than they are. If you know the games, and you see the warning signs, you have no one to blame but yourself when you end up discarded. Sadly, not all women are so savvy about this stuff. Also, some of the smarter ones seem to have an emotional death wish.
Anonymous wrote:Elektra wrote:Well, it's slang so it's not that easy to find a reliable definition. Here is one from the slang dictionary if anyone is interested:
a person who dates more than one person at a time, usually just for sex or other perks. Will typically do anything to have sex with someone. Carries a heavy negative connotation. Usually used to describe males, but could be used to describe females who act in this manner. Often pronounced "playa".
you are in an open relationship correct? with more than one person and while it might not be based primarily on sex I don't think you'd be hanging around if sex was off the table? Also, comments to the effect that you had to walk away from relationships before it got too crazy seem, IMO, to bolster the notion that you are more of a player than you let on. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
I'm not sure how much to say about my personal life but I fall more on the polyamorous end of the spectrum, meaning "many loves," so my orientation is not toward meaningless sex. I would not consider a relationship which did not include sex, a romantic relationship. It would become a friendship and I would stick around if there were good reasons to continue the friendship. I think everyone has walked away from a relationship before it got ugly. At least I hope so.
In some ways I wish I was a player but I am not.
Well, it's slang so it's not that easy to find a reliable definition. Here is one from the slang dictionary if anyone is interested:
a person who dates more than one person at a time, usually just for sex or other perks. Will typically do anything to have sex with someone. Carries a heavy negative connotation. Usually used to describe males, but could be used to describe females who act in this manner. Often pronounced "playa".
a person who dates more than one person at a time, usually just for sex or other perks. Will typically do anything to have sex with someone. Carries a heavy negative connotation. Usually used to describe males, but could be used to describe females who act in this manner. Often pronounced "playa".
Anonymous wrote:Elektra wrote:I've never been with anyone who referred to himself as a player and I've never really been played by one either but that's because my eyes always remain open. Unfortunately, I have cared about people that I know think of as players and, in the end, had to walk away before things got ugly. My comments are about the deeper problems in a player's emotional life.
Why is the guy always the player? You seem like a player yourself.
Really? How so?
Sure there are female players but I don't think I qualify.
I've never been with anyone who referred to himself as a player and I've never really been played by one either but that's because my eyes always remain open. Unfortunately, I have cared about people that I know think of as players and, in the end, had to walk away before things got ugly. My comments are about the deeper problems in a player's emotional life.
Anonymous wrote:Elektra wrote:Anonymous wrote:Players also help reduce the number of available good guys there are in the dating market. The (otherwise) good guys see what sorts of behavior is rewarded by sex and attention and try to emulate that behavior.
But can you really call them "good guys" if they are susceptible to that kind of influence?
Sure. Wanting sex isn't shameful (despite cultural messages to the contrary), and enjoying the romantic attentions of women is perfectly normal. These are very strong motivators for a great many men, good and bad alike. Responding to strong incentives doesn't make a guy bad. For guys motivated by these incentives (sex and attention), it comes down to a choice between reacting to what women say they want in a man or reacting to what women act like they want in a man. Words are wind, as the man said. To the extent women, particularly in those oh so formative teen years, are chasing after guys who treat people decently, there is no dissonance. But, to the extent they're chasing after the guys who gave other guys wedgies, the message comes across loud and clear.
I agree on the part about wanting sex and romantic attention. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But when ethics and compassion and treating people with respect fly out the window, you are not dealing with a decent guy. There are ways to have sex without being an ass.
To the PP who talked about trying to be in an open relationship with a player and getting lied to anyway: I have been in that situation, yes, and it sucked. But even when there is honesty, you are still dealing with a man who does not necessarily have the capability of honor, empathy, and real attachment so, no matter what, you are going to end up in a bad place at some point with this person.
Anonymous wrote:For him, you just weren't worth settling down with.
My fiance was a player. He was "seeing" 3 or 4 girls simultaneously when we started dating. And by seeing, I mean pretty much using them for sex and fun and whatever else they'd give him, even though they knew he wasn't calling them his girlfriend.
I was dating someone else too though, so, I didn't care and I wasn't sleeping with him. When he wanted to be exclusive and have sex with me, he had already stopped talking to all the other girls by then. Actually, on the second date, he let me know he was telling the other girls he wasn't able to go out with them anymore because he was seeing someone.
Some players do end their ways...they've just gotta want to do it and find someone they want to do it with.
I hope you are correct about this one but my guess is that in ten years he will be back to his old ways and I also wonder if you will ever really trust him.
Anonymous wrote:Players also help reduce the number of available good guys there are in the dating market. The (otherwise) good guys see what sorts of behavior is rewarded by sex and attention and try to emulate that behavior. [/quote]
But can you really call them "good guys" if they are susceptible to that kind of influence?
I have talked to a lot of women who were seeing players and they were getting into endless discussions of "does he love me?" and "what motivates the things he does?" I could see their behavior and I wondered why they would stay in that situation. I thought I was immune to the effects of having a relationship with a "player" because I wasn't asking for fidelity. What I failed to recognize was that I was exactly like those women, thinking I was somehow different. In the end, what you are to a player is a woman to have sex with. They do not see you as different from the others. In fact, if they have chosen you, it is probably because they see you as passive, sweet, and more likely to put up with a lot of crap. So if you happen to last a little longer than the average woman does with a player, don't assume that this means he will miss you when you're gone. You are a piece of ass to him and pieces of ass are expendable.
I have "dated" a few. I have never asked anyone for monogamy but the thing about players is that they seem to be missing the heart. Women who are drawn to them enjoy the fantasy that they will be the only ones to achieve a "special place" in the heart of a player. But what they fail to recognize is that, even if you do become that "special" person to a player, you are going to find yourself in a much worse position than the ones who are quickly discarded.