I love him but the sex isn't great

[Anonymous]

And I've been having dreams of my ex. Ex was a jackass and I don't want to be with him but the sex was amazing. I love my bf but he lasts about 2 mins in bed. He is amazing to me and I want to be with him for life but how do I get past this constant craving for sexual satisfaction. I will not cheat on him.

[Anonymous]

You work on your relationship. With your bf.

[Anonymous]

Ask him to double-down on the oral.

[Anonymous]

I was in your shoes. Now married 11 years and it is a huge problem in our marriage. I said I would not cheat, but I did. We have over problems besides sex as well.

Honestly, this is a red flag. Don't ignore it and see if you can work together to improve it before committing to marriage.

[Anonymous]

I love mine but the sex is nonexistent.

Best sex of my life was with an ex who I liked but never loved. Stayed with him longer than was fair to him because the sex was awesome.

I would never leave, or cheat on my husband, but it looks like I'll spend the rest of my life reconciling my hopes with my reality.

If I weren't married to him (i.e. - just talking about a boyfriend) I would take this issue VERY seriously. It won't get better. You need to very seriously consider whether you can live like this (or worse).

Or, of course, whether the two of you together can work on this - if your boyfriend is open to that.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

You work on your relationship. With your bf.

[Anonymous]

Break it off. Being sexually compatible with your partner is very important for a long term monogamous relationship. If you don't have it now it's not going to change. Down the road you will lose all the interest in having sex with him and become resentful.

[Anonymous]

BREAK UP NOW!!!!! Read all the threads about sexless marriages- they are a time machine to your future if you marry this man.

I know of what I speak. I married a man who seemed great but the sex was lackluster. I thought, well, maybe amazing sex is not the most important thing in a lifetime partnership, maybe it will get better over time as we grow into our marriage, maybe I don't need sex as much as I think I do. The answer is NO, it is not okay. I grew resentful because I did want satisfying sex, and then my sex drive did die because it was so frustrating to never be really satisfied. I tried telling him directly what I liked, showing him, asking about fantasies, etc but he was not interested in responding. Not only was he sexually unsatisfying, I realized after years of this that it's a sign of larger personality flaws too- selfishness, lack of emotional connection and empathy, rigid thinking, etc.

Do yourself and him a favor and end it now. Life is way too long to trap yourself into bad sex.

[Anonymous]

Well he is very open to making changes in our sex life. Like for example, he asked if there's anything he can do differently. We have talked about more foreplay and having more buildup to the main event. It's getting better. Like I said, I never loved my ex and I love my bf so much but I'm horny all the time and I want to be fulfilled and not always by my toys

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BREAK UP NOW!!!!! Read all the threads about sexless marriages- they are a time machine to your future if you marry this man.

I know of what I speak. I married a man who seemed great but the sex was lackluster. I thought, well, maybe amazing sex is not the most important thing in a lifetime partnership, maybe it will get better over time as we grow into our marriage, maybe I don't need sex as much as I think I do. The answer is NO, it is not okay. I grew resentful because I did want satisfying sex, and then my sex drive did die because it was so frustrating to never be really satisfied. I tried telling him directly what I liked, showing him, asking about fantasies, etc but he was not interested in responding. Not only was he sexually unsatisfying, I realized after years of this that it's a sign of larger personality flaws too- selfishness, lack of emotional connection and empathy, rigid thinking, etc.

Do yourself and him a favor and end it now. Life is way too long to trap yourself into bad sex.

Op again.

I think that breaking up (in my case) is drastic. He has made great efforts to improve

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BREAK UP NOW!!!!! Read all the threads about sexless marriages- they are a time machine to your future if you marry this man.

I know of what I speak. I married a man who seemed great but the sex was lackluster. I thought, well, maybe amazing sex is not the most important thing in a lifetime partnership, maybe it will get better over time as we grow into our marriage, maybe I don't need sex as much as I think I do. The answer is NO, it is not okay. I grew resentful because I did want satisfying sex, and then my sex drive did die because it was so frustrating to never be really satisfied. I tried telling him directly what I liked, showing him, asking about fantasies, etc but he was not interested in responding. Not only was he sexually unsatisfying, I realized after years of this that it's a sign of larger personality flaws too- selfishness, lack of emotional connection and empathy, rigid thinking, etc.

Do yourself and him a favor and end it now. Life is way too long to trap yourself into bad sex.

+1
I agree with everything this PP has said- it is very important and it's not shallow or silly to be concerned about this. Before you sign up to have sex with only this person for the rest of your life, you need to make sure you are happy with what you are signing up for! Is he open to talking about this? Does he know it's not as great for you as it could be? If he hasn't even noticed, that's a sign of a problem. If he is willing to do some things to improve that's a great sign. Don't commit yourself to this until you've seen changes being made that look like they will stick. This is too, too important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well he is very open to making changes in our sex life. Like for example, he asked if there's anything he can do differently. We have talked about more foreplay and having more buildup to the main event. It's getting better. Like I said, I never loved my ex and I love my bf so much but I'm horny all the time and I want to be fulfilled and not always by my toys

This is a good sign, OP. I'd experiment a bit and see what happens. If things progress and you guys are contemplating marriage you might want to see a Certified Sex Therapist. Lots of people do this and find it helpful. I do agree with the PPs who warn against burying you sexual feelings because everything else is great. Not a good choice for most people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BREAK UP NOW!!!!! Read all the threads about sexless marriages- they are a time machine to your future if you marry this man.

I know of what I speak. I married a man who seemed great but the sex was lackluster. I thought, well, maybe amazing sex is not the most important thing in a lifetime partnership, maybe it will get better over time as we grow into our marriage, maybe I don't need sex as much as I think I do. The answer is NO, it is not okay. I grew resentful because I did want satisfying sex, and then my sex drive did die because it was so frustrating to never be really satisfied. I tried telling him directly what I liked, showing him, asking about fantasies, etc but he was not interested in responding. Not only was he sexually unsatisfying, I realized after years of this that it's a sign of larger personality flaws too- selfishness, lack of emotional connection and empathy, rigid thinking, etc.

Do yourself and him a favor and end it now. Life is way too long to trap yourself into bad sex.

Op again.

I think that breaking up (in my case) is drastic. He has made great efforts to improve

Okay he has made efforts, which is great, but is it working? Breaking up with him is less drastic than going the rest of your life unsatisfied sexually . I hope you guys can work it out but don't be so quick to sacrifice yourself here.

[Anonymous]

get yourself a crush to help satisfy your needs a little more. obviously since it's a celebrity etc. you can't act on it.

as my DH aged he lasts longer and longer, so I think there are a few physical things at play. focus on your real needs and how he can help meet them.

if he ends too fast work on dragging it out, have him pull out in the middle and add more other play. you have to work on it. you have the GOOD man that is hard to find!

he may never be great in bed, but he can change and improve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BREAK UP NOW!!!!! Read all the threads about sexless marriages- they are a time machine to your future if you marry this man.

I know of what I speak. I married a man who seemed great but the sex was lackluster. I thought, well, maybe amazing sex is not the most important thing in a lifetime partnership, maybe it will get better over time as we grow into our marriage, maybe I don't need sex as much as I think I do. The answer is NO, it is not okay. I grew resentful because I did want satisfying sex, and then my sex drive did die because it was so frustrating to never be really satisfied. I tried telling him directly what I liked, showing him, asking about fantasies, etc but he was not interested in responding. Not only was he sexually unsatisfying, I realized after years of this that it's a sign of larger personality flaws too- selfishness, lack of emotional connection and empathy, rigid thinking, etc.

Do yourself and him a favor and end it now. Life is way too long to trap yourself into bad sex.

Op again.

I think that breaking up (in my case) is drastic. He has made great efforts to improve

I am this PP. Just be honest with yourself about the improvement before you commit. Are you so satisfied that the thought of another man doesn't even enter your head?

Breaking up now is ten trillion times less drastic and devastating than getting divorced in 10 years when you have a couple of little kids and entangled finances and you are so full of buried resentment that you are depressed and all your love for him has died, and he is cheating because you never have sex anymore.