Anonymous wrote:

Amazin wrote:From the start of your career set up an "FU Fund". At some point you will want to make a job or career change and you need the $$ resources to do so. For many years my wife and I saved one of our dual incomes. That allowed her at one point to quit her corporate job and start her own business which was soon successful. That success and the FU fund eventually allowed me to quit my corporate job and pursue more entrepreneurial ventures which also turned out to be very successful. After selling one company I was jobless for two years before starting another business. It too has worked out nicely. All of this is due to our having lived modestly for years in order to create the bank roll we needed to invest in ourselves without putting our family's needs at risk. We are now mostly retired but work part time and have plenty of resources to live well and give back.

The problem I have with your "life lesson" is that you wasted away both of your best years on extreme frugality. Now that you are old and have more $$ in the bank,I'm not sure this is an entirely good thing. Time is the most valuable resource and we need to balance how we use balance time with financial progress, particularly during our younger years. I don't believe waiting til the end.

We did not waste away our best years by being extremely frugal. We lived very comfortably, traveled globally and were never monetarily stressed. We both worked very hard. My kids all graduated from college and medical school debt free, my grandkids college educations are already funded via 529's and I'm semi-retired but mostly on vacation. Too many young couples fight and break up over money as they want to keep up with their neighbors. We never worried about that. My wife and I constantly remind ourselves how lucky we have been and how great our lives are.

I think middle age begins when you become an empty nester. 45? 50? 55? That is the point when you have completed the major part of child rearing and turn to your spouse and say "what's next"? A whole new phase of life begins.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is likely your brother paid for her and her kids airfare and other expenses. She seem to be great at using people, and he seems to be either needy and hence blind or she is his first serious relationship. Your brother is acting like a teenager who will do whatever his parents dislike, just "because." I think he must really love her or he is defensive because he is backed into a corner. You have a great Dad though!

OP here. She is a user for sure. I don't know what my brother sees in her. I have always kept my mouth shut about what I think of her. To have dad tell my brother that she is only tolerated was like a ray of sunshine. I think she will try and play the victim but now thanks to my brother everything is out in the open. There is no doubt whatsoever on what her standing is in the family. The best part is she knows it too.

Let your Dad continue to handle the situation. He sounds like a very reasonable and smart guy. Your are lucky to have him!

Ouch! Advice is cheap and cheap advice could hurt you. You might want to get professional advice from a family therapist. You seem to be a good person in a pretty good place and don't need bad advice.

Calories in, calories out. And make them good calories. If you cut out too many things you love you won't stick with it. The best way is to make it slow and steady versus quick loss dieting which never sticks. Don't weight yourself every day. Target a pound a week or two weeks. Cut out a few hundred calories a day and burn a few hundred calories a few times a week and you can make slow, steady progress without a lot of pain. There is no doubt that it is tougher to lose weight as you get older but it can be done with determination.

1. Set a good example as parents. You all should know what that means.
2. Guide them, don't direct them. Ask them questions, don't just give them answers.
3. Read to them.....a lot.
4. Help them learn from failing.
5. Don't be helicopter parents. Teach them to stand on their own two feet.
6. Teach them to give back.
7. Let them know you love them. My kids are all around 30 and at the end of every phone call I say "love you"! I do the same with my wife every time I leave the house. You never know when it will be the last time you see someone so why not end it with "love you".

From the start of your career set up an "FU Fund". At some point you will want to make a job or career change and you need the $$ resources to do so. For many years my wife and I saved one of our dual incomes. That allowed her at one point to quit her corporate job and start her own business which was soon successful. That success and the FU fund eventually allowed me to quit my corporate job and pursue more entrepreneurial ventures which also turned out to be very successful. After selling one company I was jobless for two years before starting another business. It too has worked out nicely. All of this is due to our having lived modestly for years in order to create the bank roll we needed to invest in ourselves without putting our family's needs at risk. We are now mostly retired but work part time and have plenty of resources to live well and give back.

My parents both lived into their 90's and were very physically active until their mid-80's at which point dementia began and really slowed them down. I think the key is to be both physically and mentally active and hang out with people with the same attitude. There are a ton of people my age (65) who are really old physically and attitudinally. I feel sorry for them.

While I've always been physically active it was just a few months ago that I decided to really begin rigorous workouts. 2-3 times a week I swim a 1/2 mile (or ride 20 minutes) followed by a one hour workout routine developed for me by a trainer. At the end I'm gasping for air but feel great. Along with a modestly better diet I've lost 5-10 pounds and converted some fat to muscle. I need to keep this up....forever!

It also helps to be in love! I've been married 38 years to a woman who looks more like 50 then almost 65. She still loves to fool around even though she's a grandmother. She is the smartest and most loving person I've ever known....though my own mother comes close.

So how do I reconcile the reality of my aging body with the memory of my younger self? I don't! I compare myself to people my own age...or ten years younger! Despite some aches and pains I feel pretty darn good!

Anonymous wrote:OP here...

Spent about 4 hours with my mom last night. The good news is that she said she could handle/ was willing to handle having the OW/SO in attendance.
But as I could have imagined she doesn't want that and it would be hurtful for her. She also said that she doesn't feel like inviting my dads SO is necessarily the high road. That being said she doesn't seem to think my dad would stand me up. The one thing I was surprised about was she seemed against a destination wedding even though she did one herself. She said I had a much better chance of him attending if it was close by.

At this point I think I am just going forward with planning the wedding with my fiance issue the invites and let the chips fall where they may. I will probably make concessions down the line as I do not want to alienate myself from my father but this is my wedding. I've got a solid candidate to keep the peace between them. But If he doesn't come that's ultimately his choice. I can still have a happy wedding and enjoy it with those that want to be there.

Sounds like your mom is, painfully, taking the high road. Follow her lead and hope that by next spring things are a bit more copacetic. Keep in mind that the wedding is about the bride, you are just an accessory! Tell both your parents that the wedding is all about the bride and that it's her day and nothing can be allowed to disrupt it.