Family drama over dog

[Anonymous]

Need DCUM take on this situation. Brief background:

Son is very allergic to dogs, always has been. When we visit in laws he usually needs at least 2 medications to keep from being miserable.

We have a dog, but he's hypoallergenic, doesn't shed, well-behaved and old with special medical needs.

In laws got a new dog that is a puppy rescue, high-energy, cannot be left alone and sheds a lot. The last time we saw them for a very very big deal family event they spent the entire time babysitting the dog and then wouldn't come to celebrate because...the dog. They promised after that trip to get him training.

In laws want to come visit and...bring the dog. Their dogs have never been welcome at our house for obvious reasons (allergies). But now they are putting up a stink that we aren't being fair, etc. Besided the fact that this new dog in particular makes everyone miserable because you can't go to dinner or do anything together if the dog doesn't come.

Am I being unreasonable? Any ideas on how to meet in the middle that doesn't involve their dog staying in our home? (They say they can't afford a dog sitter either).

[Anonymous]

No dog

[Anonymous]

Is the new dog hypoallergic?

[Anonymous]

Absolutely no to the dog. This is your human child. The dog is a dog. Board him with the vet or something.

Take care of your son and make sure he doesn’t feel guilty for any drama. Remember, it’s your in-laws absurdity that’s the problem (and their dog).

[Anonymous]

Is this a serious allergy issue or one manageable on medication? Is your husband on board with no dog? What would the longer term issues be - ie, would the residue be gone with them or linger for days or weeks? What are the long term ramifications with your in laws.

I can see their point about fairness and I can totally get not wanting to be inconvenienced. It’s a balancing act.

[Anonymous]

Can you afford to pay for a sitter or kennel?

[Anonymous]

I was allergic to animals growing up and there is no way my parents would allow something I’m allergic to in the house. The dander gets everywhere so the affects are lingering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the new dog hypoallergic?

No, not hypoallergenic

[Anonymous]

It’s fine to say that you don’t want anything in your house that negatively affects your child’s health and well-being. In this case, a dog that your child is allergic to, which would hurt your child. It could be smoking, gluten, guns, peanuts, etc. You can ask guests to take off their shoes so they don’t track in pesticides. Depending on the extent that they can relate to your requests, they may be understanding, or may roll their eyes and be amused/resentful, but regardless, you have every right to ask guests to respect your wishes, in your home, as a parent where it affects your child.

The fact that you have a dog that your child is not allergic to isn’t relevant. The fact that the dog isn’t trained isn’t relevant, and I wouldn’t bring it into the discussion, because then they would think that they could bring the dog if it was trained, when the allergy issue seems to be the bigger problem.

[Anonymous]

No to the dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a serious allergy issue or one manageable on medication? Is your husband on board with no dog? What would the longer term issues be - ie, would the residue be gone with them or linger for days or weeks? What are the long term ramifications with your in laws.

I can see their point about fairness and I can totally get not wanting to be inconvenienced. It’s a balancing act.

In the era of COVID my son would present with COVID symptoms (sniffling, sneezing, watery eyes, etc). His allergies are manageable enough with medication.

Our concerns are beyond allergeries:
1) our blind dog can get aggressive now that he can't see anything. They have fought in the past and I'm assuming they will fight in the future.
2) we can't leave the dog alone, ever (according to them). So one of the inlaws will always stay behind and not come to dinner.
3) allergies and / or damage to the house. The dog is super wild. Needs a huge yard. We have a small, unfenced yard.
4) my MIL is part of the issue - she doesn't know how to handle the dog properly. Like she allows him to jump on people type of stuff.

Husband is on board with no dog and upset his parents are asking.

This is the first time the in laws threw a fit over the issue so no idea what the implications are. In the immediate term, they said they weren't coming to see us.

[Anonymous]

They knew the rules and allergy situation prior to getting this new dog. They picked this mess.

[Anonymous]

NO DOG.

My son is very allergic to cats and dogs, but not to our own dog, which we chose especially. It's a Samoyed and while it sheds like crazy, for some reason that breed is known to be hyperallergenic and it doesn't trigger his allergies.

I would NEVER invite a badly behaved, potentially allergenic pet into our home while my son lives here.

Please do not explain or defend. Say: "The dog cannot come. This is non-negotiable. We'll miss you if you decide not to come."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a serious allergy issue or one manageable on medication? Is your husband on board with no dog? What would the longer term issues be - ie, would the residue be gone with them or linger for days or weeks? What are the long term ramifications with your in laws.

I can see their point about fairness and I can totally get not wanting to be inconvenienced. It’s a balancing act.

In the era of COVID my son would present with COVID symptoms (sniffling, sneezing, watery eyes, etc). His allergies are manageable enough with medication.

Our concerns are beyond allergeries:
1) our blind dog can get aggressive now that he can't see anything. They have fought in the past and I'm assuming they will fight in the future.
2) we can't leave the dog alone, ever (according to them). So one of the inlaws will always stay behind and not come to dinner.
3) allergies and / or damage to the house. The dog is super wild. Needs a huge yard. We have a small, unfenced yard.
4) my MIL is part of the issue - she doesn't know how to handle the dog properly. Like she allows him to jump on people type of stuff.

Husband is on board with no dog and upset his parents are asking.

This is the first time the in laws threw a fit over the issue so no idea what the implications are. In the immediate term, they said they weren't coming to see us.

PP here. You convinced me. I would hold fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the new dog hypoallergic?

No, not hypoallergenic

No dog is hypoallergenic. That said, I agree with 21:35 who said "The dog cannot come. This is non-negotiable. We'll miss you if you decide not to come." Guests do not decide, you decide.