Bar Mitzvah Gift Amount at Wealthy Private Schools

[Anonymous]

We are at a private where the student body is rather wealthy. If you're in a crowd like that, how much do you give for a bar mitzvah gift? It's only my child invited, not our whole family. My child isn't particularly close friends with some of these kids, nor are we with the parents, but is getting invited because the grade is only like 60-80 kids, and they're inviting the whole grade. Most are having a night time party at a country club.

[Anonymous]

We gave $50. We had a much lower income than most and I assumed the wealthy parents would not care that we gave less as they would understand that families were from different circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Yea, $50 is perfect unless you're not comfortable with that much - then give less! I promise the kid is going to get *plenty* of money from family so no one will care. Hope your child has fun!

[Anonymous]

$50 the wealthy parents honestly do not care. If you have to go to 20 of them, you could even do $36.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea, $50 is perfect unless you're not comfortable with that much - then give less! I promise the kid is going to get *plenty* of money from family so no one will care. Hope your child has fun!

Oh I forgot to say that it would be an absolutely lovely gesture to give in a multiple of 18 as the number symbolises "chai" which is Hebrew for "life." So $36 or $54 would be perfect. As a Jewish parent, it would mean a lot if a non Jewish family showed knowledge of that tradition!

[Anonymous]

Gift whatever you feel comfortable with. The amount money is of secondary importance to most families, for whom the important thing is celebrating and sharing the experience with friends and family.

[Anonymous]

You can also give a nice book. A lot of kids in my kids' classes got Jewish Sports Heroes, a book on famous Jewish women, or a book of Jewish jokes. If we knew the family well, it was a book and an $18 check.

[Anonymous]

$50 is really too little, IMO. I grew up in a wealthy area in NY, and got bat miztvah'd in 1989. I think ONE friend gave me $72, two sisters gave me a gold bracelet, and everyone else gave $90 or $108. So to give $50 NOW, seems way too low.

FYI, if your kid isn't close with the kid who invited them, they don't have to go (and thus, don't have to give a gift).

[Anonymous]

$180.00 or you will be talked about for being kinda cheap…. Just sayin

[Anonymous]

I would say minimum $10k.

[Anonymous]

$36 for classmates, more for close friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can also give a nice book. A lot of kids in my kids' classes got Jewish Sports Heroes, a book on famous Jewish women, or a book of Jewish jokes. If we knew the family well, it was a book and an $18 check.

Books are a nice thought but the problem is when multiple guests decide to give the child Jewish Sport Heroes or the same book on famous Jewish women.

Just give $36 or $54. It's just easier.

[Anonymous]

36 for classmate - 54 for friends $54 per person if family is invited

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$50 is really too little, IMO. I grew up in a wealthy area in NY, and got bat miztvah'd in 1989. I think ONE friend gave me $72, two sisters gave me a gold bracelet, and everyone else gave $90 or $108. So to give $50 NOW, seems way too low.

FYI, if your kid isn't close with the kid who invited them, they don't have to go (and thus, don't have to give a gift).

Sad that you remember who gave what all these years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$50 is really too little, IMO. I grew up in a wealthy area in NY, and got bat miztvah'd in 1989. I think ONE friend gave me $72, two sisters gave me a gold bracelet, and everyone else gave $90 or $108. So to give $50 NOW, seems way too low.

FYI, if your kid isn't close with the kid who invited them, they don't have to go (and thus, don't have to give a gift).

DC is not NY. I think 36 is plenty if you kid is not close and 54 is good if closer. Some kids certainly give more, but by no means should people feel obligated to. Some gave 15 or 18 and that's fine too.