Why do some people stay at the same job

[Anonymous]

My DH has been with the same job for 20 years. It’s his first job coming out of college. I’ve been trying to push him to switch to a different company for more than a decade and he sporadically applies to a few jobs once in a blue moon but nothing has come out of it. His current company has switched hands several times and he has not gotten a raise in 7 years. Benefits are subpar with no 401k matching. His field is computer programming so should be in demand yet somehow he’s ok working 8+ hours being severely underpaid for his field. I can’t understand why I need to push him to leave at all!! Is anyone or know anyone who’s in this type of situation?

[Anonymous]

Many people have trouble leaving their comfort zone. Better the devil you know. Fear of the unknown. Sounds like his job isn’t great, but at least he has job stability.

[Anonymous]

Inertia.
Anxiety.
Fear of not measuring up.

Does he feel like he is underpaid?

[Anonymous]

My DH is the same way, he has a very strong background, works super hard, has deep expertise and sincere relationships, yet he is unable to make a move to get what he truly deserves. He is making 1/3 of his market value.

When his friends in the company all left for better jobs, he sent out a few resumes, but made no tailoring to the job description.

[Anonymous]

I'm straight up lazy and don't feel like proving myself all over again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the same way, he has a very strong background, works super hard, has deep expertise and sincere relationships, yet he is unable to make a move to get what he truly deserves. He is making 1/3 of his market value.

When his friends in the company all left for better jobs, he sent out a few resumes, but made no tailoring to the job description.

How do you feel about this? Have you tried pushing him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Inertia.
Anxiety.
Fear of not measuring up.

Does he feel like he is underpaid?

10 years ago he didn’t and he was actually defending the company for letting him go to work at 9 instead of 8. Now he admits to being underpaid but doesn’t get fazed enough to leave. I know others who work less, has 10 years less experience and make 50% more than him.

[Anonymous]

It's kind of like breaking up in a relationship. The first time is the hardest. Once you get used to leaving jobs, it's no big deal. Be happy he's not like me. I quit jobs at the drop of a hat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the same way, he has a very strong background, works super hard, has deep expertise and sincere relationships, yet he is unable to make a move to get what he truly deserves. He is making 1/3 of his market value.

When his friends in the company all left for better jobs, he sent out a few resumes, but made no tailoring to the job description.

How do you feel about this? Have you tried pushing him?

Nope, I am quite busy pushing myself. My first manager out of school forced me out of my comfort zone (her team) and told me to "go get what I want". So when I am not pregnant/maternity leave, I am working to prove myself in a new team/new project or networking for the next job. I only made suggestions to my DH here and there because he doesn't seem happy/fulfilled in his role. I have 0 issue if he makes 30k as long as he is happy or doesn't channel that unfulfillment to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH has been with the same job for 20 years. It’s his first job coming out of college. I’ve been trying to push him to switch to a different company for more than a decade and he sporadically applies to a few jobs once in a blue moon but nothing has come out of it. His current company has switched hands several times and he has not gotten a raise in 7 years. Benefits are subpar with no 401k matching. His field is computer programming so should be in demand yet somehow he’s ok working 8+ hours being severely underpaid for his field. I can’t understand why I need to push him to leave at all!! Is anyone or know anyone who’s in this type of situation?

Your DH is a 40 year old programmer. He should be happy he has a job still. Ageism is vile in tech, after 30 you better move in to business development or management or you are canned. Many programmers are NOT GOOD at BD and manage (I mean they are computer geeks, I’m one too). So don’t look a gift horse in a mouth. If he has stuck this long, he is likely a known quantity. Is he at a govt contractor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the same way, he has a very strong background, works super hard, has deep expertise and sincere relationships, yet he is unable to make a move to get what he truly deserves. He is making 1/3 of his market value.

When his friends in the company all left for better jobs, he sent out a few resumes, but made no tailoring to the job description.

How do you feel about this? Have you tried pushing him?

Nope, I am quite busy pushing myself. My first manager out of school forced me out of my comfort zone (her team) and told me to "go get what I want". So when I am not pregnant/maternity leave, I am working to prove myself in a new team/new project or networking for the next job. I only made suggestions to my DH here and there because he doesn't seem happy/fulfilled in his role. I have 0 issue if he makes 30k as long as he is happy or doesn't channel that unfulfillment to me.

Then I would let him manage his career. If he applied to some jobs and didn’t get any offers, he’s not that in demand. What is your field, can you boost your salary to make up for his? It sounds like he doesn’t complain that much, but if he is shy or introvert, a new job is TORTURE.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you are unrealistic… what is he paid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the same way, he has a very strong background, works super hard, has deep expertise and sincere relationships, yet he is unable to make a move to get what he truly deserves. He is making 1/3 of his market value.

When his friends in the company all left for better jobs, he sent out a few resumes, but made no tailoring to the job description.

How do you feel about this? Have you tried pushing him?

Nope, I am quite busy pushing myself. My first manager out of school forced me out of my comfort zone (her team) and told me to "go get what I want". So when I am not pregnant/maternity leave, I am working to prove myself in a new team/new project or networking for the next job. I only made suggestions to my DH here and there because he doesn't seem happy/fulfilled in his role. I have 0 issue if he makes 30k as long as he is happy or doesn't channel that unfulfillment to me.

Then I would let him manage his career. If he applied to some jobs and didn’t get any offers, he’s not that in demand. What is your field, can you boost your salary to make up for his? It sounds like he doesn’t complain that much, but if he is shy or introvert, a new job is TORTURE.

If he is a programmer, he is very much in demand. The only difference is some people will send out 300 resumes in a month to put themselves in front of the right hiring manager, going on interviews to advocate for themselves, and he hides in his shell. Some of my programmer colleagues with 6 years of exp are landing 200k remote offers with small no-name companies. They aren't doing the latest machine learning research and development either, just some front end basic visualization stuff. A lot of these companies will die for a mature, experienced team member who isn't job hopping every 1.5 years too!

In my personal experience (Finance), the more $ an employer is willing to shell out, the more friendly, down to earth they are, so don't let being introvert divert him from his true potential.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he likes his job. And/or the people he works. And/or the mission of the work/company. Money isn't always the primary driver for people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm straight up lazy and don't feel like proving myself all over again.

This. Once I got to the point where I could do my job well while being basically on autopilot, I decided I didn't want to leave. I have a lot more time and mental energy to devote to things I actually care about in life. I get paid well enough so money wouldn't be my motivator to find something new.