Why do some people stay at the same job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the same way, he has a very strong background, works super hard, has deep expertise and sincere relationships, yet he is unable to make a move to get what he truly deserves. He is making 1/3 of his market value.

When his friends in the company all left for better jobs, he sent out a few resumes, but made no tailoring to the job description.

How do you feel about this? Have you tried pushing him?

Nope, I am quite busy pushing myself. My first manager out of school forced me out of my comfort zone (her team) and told me to "go get what I want". So when I am not pregnant/maternity leave, I am working to prove myself in a new team/new project or networking for the next job. I only made suggestions to my DH here and there because he doesn't seem happy/fulfilled in his role. I have 0 issue if he makes 30k as long as he is happy or doesn't channel that unfulfillment to me.

Then I would let him manage his career. If he applied to some jobs and didn’t get any offers, he’s not that in demand. What is your field, can you boost your salary to make up for his? It sounds like he doesn’t complain that much, but if he is shy or introvert, a new job is TORTURE.

If he is a programmer, he is very much in demand. The only difference is some people will send out 300 resumes in a month to put themselves in front of the right hiring manager, going on interviews to advocate for themselves, and he hides in his shell. Some of my programmer colleagues with 6 years of exp are landing 200k remote offers with small no-name companies. They aren't doing the latest machine learning research and development either, just some front end basic visualization stuff. A lot of these companies will die for a mature, experienced team member who isn't job hopping every 1.5 years too!

In my personal experience (Finance), the more $ an employer is willing to shell out, the more friendly, down to earth they are, so don't let being introvert divert him from his true potential.

How much does OP's husband make? A GS14 makes $150k, so maybe he is already making $200k but she thinks he should be making FAANG money?

Also, of those people landing $200k remote jobs, with 6 years of experience, so you are saying they are like 27? Not 40? Right??? How many 40 year programmers are being scooped up for these sweet remote jobs. I'll wait.

DH is making 120k. Yep with a masters degree and 20 years of experience. Pretty sure that’s underpaid for computer programming field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many people have trouble leaving their comfort zone. Better the devil you know. Fear of the unknown. Sounds like his job isn’t great, but at least he has job stability.

This. I finally took a new job after 13 years. It was scary. Having to prove myself again, new people, etc. Despite the flaws of my previous job, I was comfortable and I was good at what I did and I generally liked the job. Hard to leave that behind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the same way, he has a very strong background, works super hard, has deep expertise and sincere relationships, yet he is unable to make a move to get what he truly deserves. He is making 1/3 of his market value.

When his friends in the company all left for better jobs, he sent out a few resumes, but made no tailoring to the job description.

How do you feel about this? Have you tried pushing him?

Nope, I am quite busy pushing myself. My first manager out of school forced me out of my comfort zone (her team) and told me to "go get what I want". So when I am not pregnant/maternity leave, I am working to prove myself in a new team/new project or networking for the next job. I only made suggestions to my DH here and there because he doesn't seem happy/fulfilled in his role. I have 0 issue if he makes 30k as long as he is happy or doesn't channel that unfulfillment to me.

Then I would let him manage his career. If he applied to some jobs and didn’t get any offers, he’s not that in demand. What is your field, can you boost your salary to make up for his? It sounds like he doesn’t complain that much, but if he is shy or introvert, a new job is TORTURE.

If he is a programmer, he is very much in demand. The only difference is some people will send out 300 resumes in a month to put themselves in front of the right hiring manager, going on interviews to advocate for themselves, and he hides in his shell. Some of my programmer colleagues with 6 years of exp are landing 200k remote offers with small no-name companies. They aren't doing the latest machine learning research and development either, just some front end basic visualization stuff. A lot of these companies will die for a mature, experienced team member who isn't job hopping every 1.5 years too!

In my personal experience (Finance), the more $ an employer is willing to shell out, the more friendly, down to earth they are, so don't let being introvert divert him from his true potential.

How much does OP's husband make? A GS14 makes $150k, so maybe he is already making $200k but she thinks he should be making FAANG money?

Also, of those people landing $200k remote jobs, with 6 years of experience, so you are saying they are like 27? Not 40? Right??? How many 40 year programmers are being scooped up for these sweet remote jobs. I'll wait.

DH is making 120k. Yep with a masters degree and 20 years of experience. Pretty sure that’s underpaid for computer programming field.

He should just go govt, make a bit more money but have similar comfort and lifestyle. And ageism won't work against him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm over 40 (like OP's DH) and I have had zero luck using this approach despite being certified in a bunch of new technology like Azure, AWS, etc and taking a GA Tech cert on ML. I have gotten tons of offers from startups, who pay less than my federal contracting role, but no place that places anything like $200k+. What positions are you applying to at what sort of companies? forget OP's DH, i'll take your advice though I think for her DH it will be VERY hard to transition as 40+ programmer into something lucrative without a LOT of proven skills updating (looking for a public GitHub profile with some snazzy projects and certs), which is a lot to do along with having a family and a full time job, and is hardly fool proof because of ageism.

I can only speak for my field, try look into fintech - Affirm, stripe, square, Avant, afterpay.
What worked for me is to tailor my skill description by matching the "buzz word" preferred by the hiring manager, pay attention to their use of words and tone and adapt during the interview. ask tactical questions to demonstrate your interest, they might want to know why you are looking for a move, come up with a few answers such as "my current job is siloed, i am looking to wear multiple hats", "my current work is project based, i am looking for more stability", "my role is too predictable, i want to delivery value/be apart of high performance team". you get the idea. absolutely make sure you bring in a set of differentiable skills outside of tech capabilities, ie soft skills, team building insights, relationship management, problem solving, when you talk about these skills, tie it back to what the HM needs so they feel heard.

Thanks!! - PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the same way, he has a very strong background, works super hard, has deep expertise and sincere relationships, yet he is unable to make a move to get what he truly deserves. He is making 1/3 of his market value.

When his friends in the company all left for better jobs, he sent out a few resumes, but made no tailoring to the job description.

How do you feel about this? Have you tried pushing him?

Nope, I am quite busy pushing myself. My first manager out of school forced me out of my comfort zone (her team) and told me to "go get what I want". So when I am not pregnant/maternity leave, I am working to prove myself in a new team/new project or networking for the next job. I only made suggestions to my DH here and there because he doesn't seem happy/fulfilled in his role. I have 0 issue if he makes 30k as long as he is happy or doesn't channel that unfulfillment to me.

Then I would let him manage his career. If he applied to some jobs and didn’t get any offers, he’s not that in demand. What is your field, can you boost your salary to make up for his? It sounds like he doesn’t complain that much, but if he is shy or introvert, a new job is TORTURE.

If he is a programmer, he is very much in demand. The only difference is some people will send out 300 resumes in a month to put themselves in front of the right hiring manager, going on interviews to advocate for themselves, and he hides in his shell. Some of my programmer colleagues with 6 years of exp are landing 200k remote offers with small no-name companies. They aren't doing the latest machine learning research and development either, just some front end basic visualization stuff. A lot of these companies will die for a mature, experienced team member who isn't job hopping every 1.5 years too!

In my personal experience (Finance), the more $ an employer is willing to shell out, the more friendly, down to earth they are, so don't let being introvert divert him from his true potential.

How much does OP's husband make? A GS14 makes $150k, so maybe he is already making $200k but she thinks he should be making FAANG money?

Also, of those people landing $200k remote jobs, with 6 years of experience, so you are saying they are like 27? Not 40? Right??? How many 40 year programmers are being scooped up for these sweet remote jobs. I'll wait.

DH is making 120k. Yep with a masters degree and 20 years of experience. Pretty sure that’s underpaid for computer programming field.

SEE. ANOTHER unhappy breadwinner wife. Her DH has a reasonable middle class job, but she is unhappy because she makes more money.

Less to most DH, your life will be happier if you marry a teacher if you aren’t going to make the big bucks.

[Anonymous]

Lesson*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Less to most DH, your life will be happier if you marry a teacher if you aren’t going to make the big bucks.

Being a teacher is a taxing job with tons of responsibility, way harder than a 200k finance/tech job. Just because they are doing this out of love / for the mission, doesn't give you the right to belittle them as "settle options".
You got issues, go troll on reddit or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Less to most DH, your life will be happier if you marry a teacher if you aren’t going to make the big bucks.

Being a teacher is a taxing job with tons of responsibility, way harder than a 200k finance/tech job. Just because they are doing this out of love / for the mission, doesn't give you the right to belittle them as "settle options".
You got issues, go troll on reddit or something.

Sorry. My point was simply you know a teacher won’t make much and gets summer off.

My dad was a teacher. I know how hard it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the same way, he has a very strong background, works super hard, has deep expertise and sincere relationships, yet he is unable to make a move to get what he truly deserves. He is making 1/3 of his market value.

When his friends in the company all left for better jobs, he sent out a few resumes, but made no tailoring to the job description.

How do you feel about this? Have you tried pushing him?

Nope, I am quite busy pushing myself. My first manager out of school forced me out of my comfort zone (her team) and told me to "go get what I want". So when I am not pregnant/maternity leave, I am working to prove myself in a new team/new project or networking for the next job. I only made suggestions to my DH here and there because he doesn't seem happy/fulfilled in his role. I have 0 issue if he makes 30k as long as he is happy or doesn't channel that unfulfillment to me.

Then I would let him manage his career. If he applied to some jobs and didn’t get any offers, he’s not that in demand. What is your field, can you boost your salary to make up for his? It sounds like he doesn’t complain that much, but if he is shy or introvert, a new job is TORTURE.

If he is a programmer, he is very much in demand. The only difference is some people will send out 300 resumes in a month to put themselves in front of the right hiring manager, going on interviews to advocate for themselves, and he hides in his shell. Some of my programmer colleagues with 6 years of exp are landing 200k remote offers with small no-name companies. They aren't doing the latest machine learning research and development either, just some front end basic visualization stuff. A lot of these companies will die for a mature, experienced team member who isn't job hopping every 1.5 years too!

In my personal experience (Finance), the more $ an employer is willing to shell out, the more friendly, down to earth they are, so don't let being introvert divert him from his true potential.

How much does OP's husband make? A GS14 makes $150k, so maybe he is already making $200k but she thinks he should be making FAANG money?

Also, of those people landing $200k remote jobs, with 6 years of experience, so you are saying they are like 27? Not 40? Right??? How many 40 year programmers are being scooped up for these sweet remote jobs. I'll wait.

DH is making 120k. Yep with a masters degree and 20 years of experience. Pretty sure that’s underpaid for computer programming field.

SEE. ANOTHER unhappy breadwinner wife. Her DH has a reasonable middle class job, but she is unhappy because she makes more money.

Less to most DH, your life will be happier if you marry a teacher if you aren’t going to make the big bucks.

ugh. Her DH makes twice the average HHI in the US and she's mad he won't make more? Ew.

$120k is perfectly respectable and if you can't live on that, there is something wrong with your budgeting.

I am like your DH. I work part-time but if I was full I would be making pretty much the same as he does. I stay at my job because I LIKE my job, it is easy, and we are perfectly fine for money. Luckily my DH isn't an asshole and is fine with that.

[Anonymous]

Some of us aren't all the ambitious when it comes to a career; we value and are motivated by other things.

[Anonymous]

Dude $120 is a lot of money out in this cruel world. Stability - especially in mid-life - is nothing to sneeze at. Go make more money yourself if you think you deserve more and let your husband enjoy what he's got.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the same way, he has a very strong background, works super hard, has deep expertise and sincere relationships, yet he is unable to make a move to get what he truly deserves. He is making 1/3 of his market value.

When his friends in the company all left for better jobs, he sent out a few resumes, but made no tailoring to the job description.

How do you feel about this? Have you tried pushing him?

Nope, I am quite busy pushing myself. My first manager out of school forced me out of my comfort zone (her team) and told me to "go get what I want". So when I am not pregnant/maternity leave, I am working to prove myself in a new team/new project or networking for the next job. I only made suggestions to my DH here and there because he doesn't seem happy/fulfilled in his role. I have 0 issue if he makes 30k as long as he is happy or doesn't channel that unfulfillment to me.

Then I would let him manage his career. If he applied to some jobs and didn’t get any offers, he’s not that in demand. What is your field, can you boost your salary to make up for his? It sounds like he doesn’t complain that much, but if he is shy or introvert, a new job is TORTURE.

If he is a programmer, he is very much in demand. The only difference is some people will send out 300 resumes in a month to put themselves in front of the right hiring manager, going on interviews to advocate for themselves, and he hides in his shell. Some of my programmer colleagues with 6 years of exp are landing 200k remote offers with small no-name companies. They aren't doing the latest machine learning research and development either, just some front end basic visualization stuff. A lot of these companies will die for a mature, experienced team member who isn't job hopping every 1.5 years too!

In my personal experience (Finance), the more $ an employer is willing to shell out, the more friendly, down to earth they are, so don't let being introvert divert him from his true potential.

How much does OP's husband make? A GS14 makes $150k, so maybe he is already making $200k but she thinks he should be making FAANG money?

Also, of those people landing $200k remote jobs, with 6 years of experience, so you are saying they are like 27? Not 40? Right??? How many 40 year programmers are being scooped up for these sweet remote jobs. I'll wait.

DH is making 120k. Yep with a masters degree and 20 years of experience. Pretty sure that’s underpaid for computer programming field.

You sound like a nag. Complaining about $120K. SMFH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm straight up lazy and don't feel like proving myself all over again.

This. Once I got to the point where I could do my job well while being basically on autopilot, I decided I didn't want to leave. I have a lot more time and mental energy to devote to things I actually care about in life. I get paid well enough so money wouldn't be my motivator to find something new.

+1
I also left 10 jobs prior to this one so grass is not greener! $ is not bad so I am in it for the long haul.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the same way, he has a very strong background, works super hard, has deep expertise and sincere relationships, yet he is unable to make a move to get what he truly deserves. He is making 1/3 of his market value.

When his friends in the company all left for better jobs, he sent out a few resumes, but made no tailoring to the job description.

How do you feel about this? Have you tried pushing him?

Nope, I am quite busy pushing myself. My first manager out of school forced me out of my comfort zone (her team) and told me to "go get what I want". So when I am not pregnant/maternity leave, I am working to prove myself in a new team/new project or networking for the next job. I only made suggestions to my DH here and there because he doesn't seem happy/fulfilled in his role. I have 0 issue if he makes 30k as long as he is happy or doesn't channel that unfulfillment to me.

Then I would let him manage his career. If he applied to some jobs and didn’t get any offers, he’s not that in demand. What is your field, can you boost your salary to make up for his? It sounds like he doesn’t complain that much, but if he is shy or introvert, a new job is TORTURE.

If he is a programmer, he is very much in demand. The only difference is some people will send out 300 resumes in a month to put themselves in front of the right hiring manager, going on interviews to advocate for themselves, and he hides in his shell. Some of my programmer colleagues with 6 years of exp are landing 200k remote offers with small no-name companies. They aren't doing the latest machine learning research and development either, just some front end basic visualization stuff. A lot of these companies will die for a mature, experienced team member who isn't job hopping every 1.5 years too!

In my personal experience (Finance), the more $ an employer is willing to shell out, the more friendly, down to earth they are, so don't let being introvert divert him from his true potential.

How much does OP's husband make? A GS14 makes $150k, so maybe he is already making $200k but she thinks he should be making FAANG money?

Also, of those people landing $200k remote jobs, with 6 years of experience, so you are saying they are like 27? Not 40? Right??? How many 40 year programmers are being scooped up for these sweet remote jobs. I'll wait.

DH is making 120k. Yep with a masters degree and 20 years of experience. Pretty sure that’s underpaid for computer programming field.

You sound like a nag. Complaining about $120K. SMFH

Eh, it's not a lot considering there is no 401K match which OP mentioned earlier - that's huge and will affect their retirement. He should at least look into jobs that provide better benefits, maybe in the same pay range. No raise in 7 years is a huge red flag too. If he was getting incremental increases (at least COL) and some 401K, I would say just leave him be. But he's in a dead end. What happens in 5 years when the company changes hands again and he gets laid off? No one will offer him any type of job.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been with my company and my team for 18yrs. I’m well aware that if I jumped ship I would get a $50-$100k increase in the form of salary and RSUs.

My son has significant SN and my father lives with me. His health is failings. As I write this, I’m sitting in the ER waiting room while they run tests on him. I’m 98% sure he’ll be admitted tonight.

It will be a late night for me while he gets a bed. Then I need to go home and comfort my son who will find the sitter waiting for him when he gets home from school. Luckily I did not get a call from school today.

As this afternoon unfolded I texted my team that I was taking my dad to the hospital. That was it. I didn’t officially cancel any of my meetings. People just know that they’re not happening if I’m running them or I won’t be on a call this afternoon. Truthfully tomorrow morning isn’t looking that great either depending upon what time I get home tonight.

I stay because my team knows I’m not a slacker and I don’t have to prove myself. I’m currently at $200K so another $50 or $100, while nice, doesn’t really impact my life. I have everything that I need and a lot of things that are wants. It’s not always about the number on your tax return.