If you found out your spouse was cheating by snooping…

[Anonymous]

Is it OK for your spouse to be mad at you for doing the snooping? Presuming you also ask them point-blank if there was something going on?

[Anonymous]

1. No, they don’t get to be mad.

2. Gather has much hard evidence as possible before confronting or they will just deny.

[Anonymous]

Yes, a little, but it’s not like the snooping cancels out the cheating, which is how I would expect a cheater to react.

I’m sure there is a good analogy for this scenario but I can’t think of one.

[Anonymous]

Is this a real question?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I found out my spouse was having an affair by going through her texts. I confronted her, it was really ugly and heartbreaking with a lot of begging for forgiveness, and I was told that it was mostly an emotional affair with some kissing and handholding. Something still was not sitting right with me. The following day I engaged in some higher level snooping and found out that there was sex. So basically everything I found out so far has been through snooping. While my spouse is very apologetic and there has been a great deal of crying and emotional turmoil on both sides, she has made a few snarky (and serious) remarks about her total lack of privacy at my hands. I did apologize for my actions but I’m trying to get her to understand that, so far, she has not made any progress towards regaining my trust. Over the past week there have several layers of incredible deceit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a real question?

It is and as there have been both yeses and nos I’ll argue it was a valid question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I found out my spouse was having an affair by going through her texts. I confronted her, it was really ugly and heartbreaking with a lot of begging for forgiveness, and I was told that it was mostly an emotional affair with some kissing and handholding. Something still was not sitting right with me. The following day I engaged in some higher level snooping and found out that there was sex. So basically everything I found out so far has been through snooping. While my spouse is very apologetic and there has been a great deal of crying and emotional turmoil on both sides, she has made a few snarky (and serious) remarks about her total lack of privacy at my hands. I did apologize for my actions but I’m trying to get her to understand that, so far, she has not made any progress towards regaining my trust. Over the past week there have several layers of incredible deceit.

Yikes that’s rough. Sorry, OP. I think your snooping was fair given the lies. In my opinion, she really doesn’t deserve privacy right now. If she refuses to be open, I’d guess it’s because she still wants to see/sleep with this guy.

[Anonymous]

Same scenario happened to me years ago when my 1st wife was having an affair with a bartender. Lied every opportunity she had to tell the truth. How did I know? Her computer had her email automatically logged in on a certain browser, and she was not aware. Yes I snooped, but I was pretty sure she was lying and needed the proof to end it. No kids and only a year into marriage - leaving was the best option and my new wife and our kids are here awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I found out my spouse was having an affair by going through her texts. I confronted her, it was really ugly and heartbreaking with a lot of begging for forgiveness, and I was told that it was mostly an emotional affair with some kissing and handholding. Something still was not sitting right with me. The following day I engaged in some higher level snooping and found out that there was sex. So basically everything I found out so far has been through snooping. While my spouse is very apologetic and there has been a great deal of crying and emotional turmoil on both sides, she has made a few snarky (and serious) remarks about her total lack of privacy at my hands. I did apologize for my actions but I’m trying to get her to understand that, so far, she has not made any progress towards regaining my trust. Over the past week there have several layers of incredible deceit.

Same with my wife. Then I found out she had been banging him for 3 years and it wasn’t even her first affair! Thanks Ashley Madison.

Trust me, they will never tell you everything. There is always much more. She also had them in our house.

Done. Can’t fix this.

[Anonymous]

It's rich when lying cheaters feel justified in complaining about your character flaws.

DTMFA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I found out my spouse was having an affair by going through her texts. I confronted her, it was really ugly and heartbreaking with a lot of begging for forgiveness, and I was told that it was mostly an emotional affair with some kissing and handholding. Something still was not sitting right with me. The following day I engaged in some higher level snooping and found out that there was sex. So basically everything I found out so far has been through snooping. While my spouse is very apologetic and there has been a great deal of crying and emotional turmoil on both sides, she has made a few snarky (and serious) remarks about her total lack of privacy at my hands. I did apologize for my actions but I’m trying to get her to understand that, so far, she has not made any progress towards regaining my trust. Over the past week there have several layers of incredible deceit.

Yikes that’s rough. Sorry, OP. I think your snooping was fair given the lies. In my opinion, she really doesn’t deserve privacy right now. If she refuses to be open, I’d guess it’s because she still wants to see/sleep with this guy.

+1

The snooping is such a minor offense the first time and I think the second time you did it it was justified. You apologized (which is impressive) and I don’t think she has any business bringing it up again.

[Anonymous]

Look. I didn’t want HIV, HPV, antibiotic resistant chlamydia.

Cheaters want privacy when they lied about exposing you to disease, causing bodily harm without your consent? Ha. No frigging way.

I’d be done if they didn’t spill everything immediately, and a NAME.

They are going to protect another cheater loser over their own spouse? Yeah, buh-BYE! Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on your way out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. No, they don’t get to be mad.

2. Gather has much hard evidence as possible before confronting or they will just deny.

+1 Get the intel before they have a chance to start deleting and covering their tracks!

[Anonymous]

OP here. It’s complicated. I love her and we have 3 kids who would be destroyed by a completely broken home.

All parties are women btw. Me, spouse, OW.

[Anonymous]

OP again. What’s the point of evidence gathering — in the event of divorce/custody battles? I’m in a no-fault state so doesn’t that mean adultery/infidelity doesn’t factor in? Honestly even discussing divorce turns my stomach. This sucks.