Is it ever "too soon" to date once you are a window/widower?

[Anonymous]

Curious due to the apparent backlash Amanda Kloots has been receiving after the revelation that she has begun dating after the death of her husband last year due to Covid.
https://people.com/human-interest/sheryl-sandberg-defends-amanda-kloots-dating-after-husband-death/

Is it ever really too soon for someone to date after the passing of their spouse?

In my view, after such a terrible tragedy, whatever the spouse left behind has to do to move on with their life is OK in my book.

[Anonymous]

I think that many people decide for themselves that it's too soon. That they aren't in a position where dating would be healthy for them, or even where they are interested in dating. I wouldn't pressure someone to start.

But I don't think there's a time when I would judge someone else for dating "too soon". I think that's a decision that each person needs to make for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious due to the apparent backlash Amanda Kloots has been receiving after the revelation that she has begun dating after the death of her husband last year due to Covid.
https://people.com/human-interest/sheryl-sandberg-defends-amanda-kloots-dating-after-husband-death/

Is it ever really too soon for someone to date after the passing of their spouse?

In my view, after such a terrible tragedy, whatever the spouse left behind has to do to move on with their life is OK in my book.

I feel the same way

[Anonymous]

Marjorie Brimley also addresses this when she started dating 2 years after her husband's horrible death. http://dcwidow.com/i-know-youre-ready/

Whatever makes them happy!

[Anonymous]

I'm not in their shoes, so I don't know when I'd be ready had I gone through what they went through. I won't begrudge someone who's gone through the roughest time of their lives their desire to seek happiness and normalcy.

I think just like with any relationship, some move on a week after and start dating again, and others need years to heal and unpack. I'm sadly of the latter club, I cannot relate to people who can just jump from one relationship to another--and while I sound judgy, I'm not--I would never tell them what to do, even anonymously.

[Anonymous]

The day they die or the day of the funeral is probably too soon. To me 6 months to a year seems reasonable.

And also dependent on other factors such as if they have minor children and their own mental health.

I'm a bit biased though because I lost my dad a year ago and my mom started dating 4 months after his death. She also doesn't seem to get how uncomfortable her gushing over her " boyfriend" made us all. In her mind it's exactly how but was when my siblings and I started dating our now spouses. I use quotes because she doesn't want to call him her boyfriend that ad.its she's only dating him because she doesn't want to be alone. It's a mess.

As for the woman and question I would have kept it private until I was serious likely going to marry the guy.

[Anonymous]

I mean, I think a week would be too quick. A month would feel fast. Beyond that I wouldn’t feel comfortable judging someone at all.

[Anonymous]

It is also likely dependent on how much time the person had to process the death prior to their death. A prolonged illness may contribute to much time grieving even prior to the person dying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is also likely dependent on how much time the person had to process the death prior to their death. A prolonged illness may contribute to much time grieving even prior to the person dying.

This. Not my place to judge.

That said, having friends who've gone through this, I know they'd say themselves that they were not thinking clearly/making the best decisions early on.

[Anonymous]

<1 year is too fast especially if you have children

[Anonymous]

If you have minor children - you can definitely date too soon. Dating too soon means you're putting time, energy, and money into another person, when you should really be focusing on the family.

[Anonymous]

My best friend in middle school’s mom died of cancer, and her dad began dating within a few months. It really messed her up, she used to come over to our house in the middle of the night hysterical and sobbing because her dad was having sex with women in their home so soon after her mom died.

I don’t think she ever recovered from it. She was severely depressed all throughout high school and cut herself badly. She had horrible self-esteem and never really dated or got married. I can’t blame her, after seeing how quickly her dad moved on and basically forgot her and her mom.

I personally wouldn’t date a widower until it had been at least 3 years. I know they need to move on, but it’s not my responsibility to help them by dating them. I would want to see them grieve and process the death long before we dated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The day they die or the day of the funeral is probably too soon. To me 6 months to a year seems reasonable.

And also dependent on other factors such as if they have minor children and their own mental health.

I'm a bit biased though because I lost my dad a year ago and my mom started dating 4 months after his death. She also doesn't seem to get how uncomfortable her gushing over her " boyfriend" made us all. In her mind it's exactly how but was when my siblings and I started dating our now spouses. I use quotes because she doesn't want to call him her boyfriend that ad.its she's only dating him because she doesn't want to be alone. It's a mess.

As for the woman and question I would have kept it private until I was serious likely going to marry the guy.

Isn't dating in general the desire to connect with someone and not be alone?

[Anonymous]

Eric Prince brought his pregnant next wife to his wife’s funeral.

[Anonymous]

As a widow, it’s a personal decision. Don’t judge.

I, myself, will never remarry.