Is it ever "too soon" to date once you are a window/widower?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:<1 year is too fast especially if you have children

For YOU. You do not have any right to put those limits on other people. Not your life, not your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend in middle school’s mom died of cancer, and her dad began dating within a few months. It really messed her up, she used to come over to our house in the middle of the night hysterical and sobbing because her dad was having sex with women in their home so soon after her mom died.

I don’t think she ever recovered from it. She was severely depressed all throughout high school and cut herself badly. She had horrible self-esteem and never really dated or got married. I can’t blame her, after seeing how quickly her dad moved on and basically forgot her and her mom.

I personally wouldn’t date a widower until it had been at least 3 years. I know they need to move on, but it’s not my responsibility to help them by dating them. I would want to see them grieve and process the death long before we dated.

With cancer, it can be quicker because there is so much time preparing for the eventual death. Many people start the mourning process beforehand and by the time death comes it is sometimes a release or a relief. However, I don’t condone bringing home a date when there are children still living at home and are still in the earlier stages of grieving- that was incredibly selfish.

[Anonymous]

I think waiting full year is appropriate, especially if there are young children involved. Experiencing a full year alone might help the grief process unfold with nothing being buried or shoved aside with the distraction of dating.

[Anonymous]

I was a 29 year old widow. I moved to a new city and went on a date 2 months later. I went on first-third dates with a few more people that year. I did not get in a relationship until 2.5 years later and it lasted a year and a half. I’ve now been dating my current boyfriend for 9 months. There’s no right or wrong here. I forced my life forward because at 29, I was risking losing everything I wanted in life by doing the years of mourning charade. Believe me, you mourn for years regardless of if you lock yourself in a tower or not.

[Anonymous]

My Aunt remarried very quickly after her husband died of cancer. She also had 4 young kids and married another widower. I think it was out of need more than disrespect. That said I day doesn't go by that she doesn't speak about her dead husband. I don't think anyone could accuse her of not respecting his memory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started dating almost immediately after the death of my spouse. I don't care what anyone thought about that, or maybe still thinks. It's my life and I was ready.

Shocking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started dating almost immediately after the death of my spouse. I don't care what anyone thought about that, or maybe still thinks. It's my life and I was ready.

Same here. After my wife died, I started dating almost right away and got into a serious relationship. I did wait about 4 months before I told a few family members. I don't care what anyone thinks. It's my life and my children are grown. They can be happy for me, or not. I'm glad they are but I don't live by their expectations or those of anyone else.

Men can’t be alone. Honestly it’s pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The day they die or the day of the funeral is probably too soon. To me 6 months to a year seems reasonable.

And also dependent on other factors such as if they have minor children and their own mental health.

I'm a bit biased though because I lost my dad a year ago and my mom started dating 4 months after his death. She also doesn't seem to get how uncomfortable her gushing over her " boyfriend" made us all. In her mind it's exactly how but was when my siblings and I started dating our now spouses. I use quotes because she doesn't want to call him her boyfriend that ad.its she's only dating him because she doesn't want to be alone. It's a mess.

As for the woman and question I would have kept it private until I was serious likely going to marry the guy.

Isn't dating in general the desire to connect with someone and not be alone?

Not in healthy relationships.

I don't understand that. It's so rigid and not a very human way to think. People like company. People like having their person. The person to do things with, the person to share burdens. The person who has their back. Why is it somehow weak or wrong to recognize that need in yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Widow here. First- crushed by the loss of my husband - Next, crushed by the judgment of others (my parents, some friends, his teenage kids, my mother in law, my kids, his in-laws) when started dating “too soon” and Now, years later, crushed that I caved and walked away from that relationship.

I'm really sorry you went through that - all of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eric Prince brought his pregnant next wife to his wife’s funeral.

Wow, this is legit. What a pig.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eric Prince brought his pregnant next wife to his wife’s funeral.

Wow, this is legit. What a pig.

OK, I retract what I say. There is a too soon. BEFORE THE SPOUSE DIES is TOO SOON!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend in middle school’s mom died of cancer, and her dad began dating within a few months. It really messed her up, she used to come over to our house in the middle of the night hysterical and sobbing because her dad was having sex with women in their home so soon after her mom died.

I don’t think she ever recovered from it. She was severely depressed all throughout high school and cut herself badly. She had horrible self-esteem and never really dated or got married. I can’t blame her, after seeing how quickly her dad moved on and basically forgot her and her mom.

I personally wouldn’t date a widower until it had been at least 3 years. I know they need to move on, but it’s not my responsibility to help them by dating them. I would want to see them grieve and process the death long before we dated.

Ugh, I have a very similar story, including having to leave the house to escape sex noises. It was truly awful.

I think you can date any time - but keep them away from kids for at least a year and no remarriage for at least 2 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend in middle school’s mom died of cancer, and her dad began dating within a few months. It really messed her up, she used to come over to our house in the middle of the night hysterical and sobbing because her dad was having sex with women in their home so soon after her mom died.

I don’t think she ever recovered from it. She was severely depressed all throughout high school and cut herself badly. She had horrible self-esteem and never really dated or got married. I can’t blame her, after seeing how quickly her dad moved on and basically forgot her and her mom.

I personally wouldn’t date a widower until it had been at least 3 years. I know they need to move on, but it’s not my responsibility to help them by dating them. I would want to see them grieve and process the death long before we dated.

I’m so sorry for your friend, she should have gotten grief counselling early on, and I hope she has now.

It’s not about her dad dating, it was about her grieving her mom and the change in life as a whole.

Here’s the thing… her dad had probably done a lot of his grieving while he had a wife with cancer. His error was not dating “too soon” but rather seeking out the appropriate help for his children.

No, he was dating too soon, and throwing it in her face. It’s literally traumatizing for children to have to listen to their parent have sex at home a few months after their other parent died.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The day they die or the day of the funeral is probably too soon. To me 6 months to a year seems reasonable.

And also dependent on other factors such as if they have minor children and their own mental health.

I'm a bit biased though because I lost my dad a year ago and my mom started dating 4 months after his death. She also doesn't seem to get how uncomfortable her gushing over her " boyfriend" made us all. In her mind it's exactly how but was when my siblings and I started dating our now spouses. I use quotes because she doesn't want to call him her boyfriend that ad.its she's only dating him because she doesn't want to be alone. It's a mess.

As for the woman and question I would have kept it private until I was serious likely going to marry the guy.

Isn't dating in general the desire to connect with someone and not be alone?

Not in healthy relationships.

I don't understand that. It's so rigid and not a very human way to think. People like company. People like having their person. The person to do things with, the person to share burdens. The person who has their back. Why is it somehow weak or wrong to recognize that need in yourself?

Because men who can’t be alone pick terrible stepmothers.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s none of my business.