How did you know you wanted a 3rd (or not)?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
My husband and I have two daughters. Life is great, no complaints. I feel like we have time for ourselves and time for our kids and two parents + two kids works out pretty damn well.
However, we both originally said we wanted three. And we are both still up for it! But I think we also both recognize that life is good and easy right now. Sometimes I think that it's great and throwing one more into the mix is a bit unnecessary and sometimes I think how wonderful it would be to have a bigger family and give my girls another sibling and to just have another baby. Sigh.. we go back and forth every day. What made you decide to go for the third or stop at two? |
Anonymous
| If you have to ask then you shouldn’t have another. |
Anonymous
| Our third was much more difficult than the first two... |
Anonymous
| The bible says be fruitful and multiply |
Anonymous
|
I just felt like someone was missing from my family. He arrived last month and it’s been a joy. My older kids are in love and so are we.
That said I do think it’s pushing some stuff to the breaking point and may finally lead to me being a SAHM. |
Anonymous
Who said anything about the bible? How do you know the OP is even religious? Or even, of YOUR religion? Leave the bible out of this. |
Anonymous
They asked how I made the decision. It's a perfectly valid way how. |
Anonymous
OH I thought you were being preachy. Sorry. |
Anonymous
| We both grew up in families of four and wanted something bigger, and I was a SAHM anyway. |
Anonymous
For me, we stopped at 2 because of daycare/college costs, wanting to be done with the pregnancy and the baby phase, and wanting to get back to some semblance of normalcy. Your "life is great," eh? That sounds so nice to me, who is still in the thick of it. How old are your kids, OP? If you've forgotten how hard the baby years are, you also are likely discounting how difficult adding a third into your life will be. Older kids want to go/do fun things. And the third will just be carted along to whatever activity. I, personally, can't wait until I have time for myself again. Do I sometimes think "hey, a third might be nice"? Sure. But then I remember how much effort it's taken to get to where I am. And how much I enjoy five minutes of peace and a full night's sleep. Ultimately, this is a question only you can answer. |
Anonymous
|
I have 2 and I was done done done. I say if you are on the fence, go for 3.
I knew I was done when I saw pregnant women and instead of wishing it was me, I thought “heck no!”. I knew I was done when I greeted each milestone with the joy of never doing it again - nursing, bottles, diapers, kids who need a stroller. I was not wistful or sentimental and I gladly gave away my baby stuff. |
Anonymous
| This is very specific but we live in NYC. NYC with two kids is great. Easy to get an Uber or a taxi, easy to get a table for 4 at a restaurant, easy to navigate public transportation with two adults and two kids, easy to get a babysitter for 2 and go out for the night, easier to pay for school tuition, easier to schlepp all of the kids to their various activities, easier to travel, easier to have and park a smaller car... add one more to the mix and everything gets thrown off. I also have two daughters and grew up with a sister and to me, that was just perfect. |
Anonymous
| I was 40 when #2 was born, and didn't want to push it. I also thought I would not have enough time for three kids, unless I quit my job, which is not an option. |
Anonymous
|
I have 2 and DH would have loved a 3rd (and he's a very equal partner in parenting, so he absolutely would have shared the burden, so to speak), but the idea of throwing another kid into the mix did not appeal to me on a day to day basis. My kids right now are 5 and 2.5, and life feels so good. The day to day is easy, we have a great balance in most regards. DH and I both work full time (40 hour work weeks) and neither of us want to give that up. We also live in a small apartment that we love and we would have to move pretty quickly with a 3rd. So, when I picture the family of my future I love the idea of another one at the table, but the practical day to day details of life with another kid felt like more of a burden then a joy. The logistics of everything, etc. Not the romantic approach, obviously, but I'm a pretty practical person.
Also, our 2 kids are easy and healthy, knock on wood, and I couldn't bear the thought of rolling the dice again. Age was also a factor (I'm late 30s, DH is mid/late 40s). |
Anonymous
That's interesting. We left Manhattan when our second was born. I would have been happy to stay in the city with one, but for us, two was the cut off in terms of the space we needed to live comfortably - living space, storage/toy space, bedrooms needed. |