How did you know you wanted a 3rd (or not)?

[Anonymous]

We have three. We just picked our oldest up from the first year of sleepaway camp. He was gone for a month and we got to experience what life would be like with two who are older (6 and almost 3) and no babies around. It was definitely easier and quieter and there were things I liked about it. But, my oldest has been home for a week and now that I see them all together I remember why we had the third. The dynamic is just that - more dynamic. There is more going on, their games are more boisterous, they each have to navigate an additional relationship, etc. With three, each kid has more than one role to play in the family. I am one of two and I love my sister, but we were kind of stuck in the big sister, little sister roles until we were adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have to ask then you shouldn’t have another.

So much this. This, this, this.

DH and I have three, we always wanted three, at no point after having two did we wonder, hm, should we still go for that third? It wasn't even a question.

We did discuss having a fourth, and were so uncertain that it became clear the answer was to not have one. We're both glad we didn't.

I don't agree at all. We went back and forth a LOT before deciding on our third. Happy we did it, but it wasn't a given after baby two.

Yea, I really disagree too. I was *so* on the fence about another, went back and forth all the time, and we decided to go for it eventually. Couldn't imagine my life without three!

The reason I agree is that it’s not about hindsight being 20/20, which is what you’re both saying. It’s about your capacity to handle things that may not go well and giving yourself breathing room. Too many people don’t, IMO, and end up overextended and stressed out. That’s not to say it can’t work out, of course, but if someone asked my opinion, that’s what I’d tell them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel very strongly that people should be doing more about climate change. Drastically more. Hypothetically, if I have two kids, and they each have two kids, I’d get four grandkids. If I have three kids, and then they have three kids, we’d end up with nine. The Earth just can’t take that. I don’t want to be hypocritical and tell other people to have two when I have three or four, so we stopped at two. I used to want four, but we’re at an age where it’s more risky, so that helps me stay content.

I feel pretty strongly about climate change as well (drive an EV, have solar panels, walk/metro as much as possible, buy local food, try to avoid single use plastics), but I am pregnant with my third. I’m an only child. If my parents had 2 kids who each had 2, they’d end up with 4 grandkids. Now they’ll have 3. DH is 1 of 2, so I guess he’s giving his parents and “extra” that balances out lol. But the point is things don’t work out as easy as your math suggests. Not everyone has kids anyway, so there’s a good chance 1 (or more) of our kids may not even have kids someday.

If we really want to end overpopulation, we need to be encouraging women’s education and freedom of reproductive choices. When women have control over their fertility, they can become economically independent and (often) have fewer children (which is why the birth rate in our country has been decreasing since birth control was invented and female college rates have gone up). But I don’t think that means we need to tell families who purposefully want (and can afford to care for) more children that it’s horrible for the environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel very strongly that people should be doing more about climate change. Drastically more. Hypothetically, if I have two kids, and they each have two kids, I’d get four grandkids. If I have three kids, and then they have three kids, we’d end up with nine. The Earth just can’t take that. I don’t want to be hypocritical and tell other people to have two when I have three or four, so we stopped at two. I used to want four, but we’re at an age where it’s more risky, so that helps me stay content.

I feel pretty strongly about climate change as well (drive an EV, have solar panels, walk/metro as much as possible, buy local food, try to avoid single use plastics), but I am pregnant with my third. I’m an only child. If my parents had 2 kids who each had 2, they’d end up with 4 grandkids. Now they’ll have 3. DH is 1 of 2, so I guess he’s giving his parents and “extra” that balances out lol. But the point is things don’t work out as easy as your math suggests. Not everyone has kids anyway, so there’s a good chance 1 (or more) of our kids may not even have kids someday.

If we really want to end overpopulation, we need to be encouraging women’s education and freedom of reproductive choices. When women have control over their fertility, they can become economically independent and (often) have fewer children (which is why the birth rate in our country has been decreasing since birth control was invented and female college rates have gone up). But I don’t think that means we need to tell families who purposefully want (and can afford to care for) more children that it’s horrible for the environment.

+1. I agree and have 3 kids. Almost never drive, have solar panels, Pepco bill is $100 average, we buy and waste very little (save the environment and $$$), etc. we do fly a couple of times a year, but that’s about it. We are not American and are not used to how much waste there is in this country. I see plenty of 3 people families wasting (spending, consuming) twice as much as we do… behavior should change IF we want to save the planet. As per over population, we should not be looking at the US nor Europe (where I am from)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel very strongly that people should be doing more about climate change. Drastically more. Hypothetically, if I have two kids, and they each have two kids, I’d get four grandkids. If I have three kids, and then they have three kids, we’d end up with nine. The Earth just can’t take that. I don’t want to be hypocritical and tell other people to have two when I have three or four, so we stopped at two. I used to want four, but we’re at an age where it’s more risky, so that helps me stay content.

I feel pretty strongly about climate change as well (drive an EV, have solar panels, walk/metro as much as possible, buy local food, try to avoid single use plastics), but I am pregnant with my third. I’m an only child. If my parents had 2 kids who each had 2, they’d end up with 4 grandkids. Now they’ll have 3. DH is 1 of 2, so I guess he’s giving his parents and “extra” that balances out lol. But the point is things don’t work out as easy as your math suggests. Not everyone has kids anyway, so there’s a good chance 1 (or more) of our kids may not even have kids someday.

If we really want to end overpopulation, we need to be encouraging women’s education and freedom of reproductive choices. When women have control over their fertility, they can become economically independent and (often) have fewer children (which is why the birth rate in our country has been decreasing since birth control was invented and female college rates have gone up). But I don’t think that means we need to tell families who purposefully want (and can afford to care for) more children that it’s horrible for the environment.

+1. I agree and have 3 kids. Almost never drive, have solar panels, Pepco bill is $100 average, we buy and waste very little (save the environment and $$$), etc. we do fly a couple of times a year, but that’s about it. We are not American and are not used to how much waste there is in this country. I see plenty of 3 people families wasting (spending, consuming) twice as much as we do… behavior should change IF we want to save the planet. As per over population, we should not be looking at the US nor Europe (where I am from)

Where I am from (and where we might go back) they are incentivizing with parents to have more kids because population growth is negative (more people die then they are born)

[Anonymous]

I wanted 3 but DH was firmly done at 2. I didn’t want a big age gap and even if DH were to change his mind, the age gap would be too big for me, because my 2 are close in age and it’s nice we can always do things together as a family. I still wonder what life would be like with a 3rd but I try mostly to focus on the good things about having 2 kids close in age who are also very close friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have to ask then you shouldn’t have another.

THIS!