When dating someone divorced when do o you ask why they split
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Anonymous
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Recently started seeing a divorced guy. He has 2 young kids, like 5 and under so I'm curious what caused the split. We've only been out 3 times. Too soon?
And yes I'm positive he's divorced. |
Anonymous
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Just know you will get “his/her version”.
If he/she cheated, they will say their spouse did. If he/she was a pr@ck, it will be the other one that was. A lot of people carry their same issues into the next marriage, particularly the ones that are blameless. |
Anonymous
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I’m a divorced man who has given my version more than once. Like everything with dating, if she’s inclined to like me already, what I say sounds perfect. If not, it doesn’t.
You will definitely get his version, but if he shts on his ex, it’s a major tell. |
Anonymous
| Yes, but how soon can I expect to get any sort of information? Is after 3 dates too early to ask? |
Anonymous
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Do not ask - he will share when he is ready and he will share what he wants. It's not actually any of your business, especially after three dates.
Red Flags: Talking bad about his ex Not seeing his children Introducing you to his children |
Anonymous
| For me it comes up pretty quickly. Oh, you're divorced, mind if I ask what happened? Listen very carefully to this, because it really will tell you a lot, even when he doesn't tell you the true/whole story. How he presents the info, his ex, their relationship, these are all signs. |
Anonymous
Ive dated a divorced dad and 7 years in we now live together. I’m also divorced. Politely ask anytime you feel interested. I asked my boyfriend early on, and the story and version has morphed over time. Interestingly, as I got to know him more, I understood that his issues with his ex wife are actually his issues with any close relationship and people in general. He is now having eerily similar frustrations with me, that he had with his ex wife. I fee empathy for her now, although she was painted as a cruel insensitive demanding villain. History repeats itself! He may not know exactly why they divorced himself, unless there was an unequivocal simple reason. It can take a few years of reflection and therapy to understand why. Just be kind and let him know you want to know more about his life before you met, in general. |
Anonymous
| Unless there are kids involved, I wouldn’t ask. You’re only getting one side. You should be able too see how he treats service workers, how he deals with traffic frustration, etc. and go from there. You’ll learn a lot by observation. |
Anonymous
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If he had kids and got divorced AND you do not intend to have kids with him, a lot of things and bad habits don't matter. Life won't ever be as complicated or the need for true teamwork as raising and parenting kids.
So let him give his side of the story. And then just your judgement on how he communicates, provides emotional support, deals with conflict, takes care of things or people... and anything else you need from a personal or romantic relationship. |
Anonymous
This. They all see very charming and loving at the beginning. The same patterns will repeat themselves over time with you unless they did a lot of individual therapy and soul searching which happens with only about 0.00001% of divorces men. First wife’s problems will soon be yours. |
Anonymous
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IME - and I have had a lot - this stuff is covered by date 2 at the latest.
I found most of the time these guys wanted to unload on the first date. |
Anonymous
| I don't see how 2 divorced people can date for any length of time without talking about why they got divorced. |
Anonymous
| Ask before first date or on first date. Divorced people have been thrown back by someone for a reason. Look thoroughly to find the fatal flaws. |
Anonymous
By the third date, you should know his credit score and if he suffers from mental illness. |
Anonymous
Amen. Won't get blindsided by this one twice... |