Family rift - rethinking immediate family size

[Anonymous]

DH and I have realized that we aren't super close to his family or my family (other than my sister) and it has made us rethink our immediate family size. We currently have 3 kids who are 6 and under. We are debating about possibly having a 4th. We have realized that in the future what matters is our family unit and we have always wanted a large family. Would you have another or not? We are both 38 years old.

[Anonymous]

If you come from dysfunctional homes I would not solve that problem by having more children.

Have you all dealt with the issues from your nuclear families?

[Anonymous]

OP here - we don't come from dysfunctional homes but have grown apart over the years from DHs family and my family mostly due to political beliefs. My mother in law has passed and my FIL is much older and we aren't very close with my SIL. My parents have become very Trump/Fox news loving people who just don't share common beliefs with DH and I any more. We are close with my sister and her family however.

[Anonymous]

100% no

[Anonymous]

I don’t really understand what your title has to do with considering a 4th child. I don’t think bringing another child into your family should have anything to do with your relationship with your parents or your ILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really understand what your title has to do with considering a 4th child. I don’t think bringing another child into your family should have anything to do with your relationship with your parents or your ILs.

I'm gonna agree with this. You have 3 kids. That's plenty to keep you busy well into adulthood. Focus on the 3 you have, enjoy your life.

[Anonymous]

Oh, so YOU'RE family will be immune to this phenomenon, huh?

Seriously, though, you should have a fourth kid if you want to raise another child, with all the joys and stresses it brings. Also knowing that reducing your family size by one child is the best thing you can do to reduce your carbon impact.

[Anonymous]

YOUR, not YOU'RE, duh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really understand what your title has to do with considering a 4th child. I don’t think bringing another child into your family should have anything to do with your relationship with your parents or your ILs.

And it certainly shouldn’t have anything to do with your parents’ politics. That fourth kid could end up a Fox News lover themselves. If your kids are all under 6, you have not yet reached the point where you realize that you have little control over who they become.

[Anonymous]

Am I reading this correctly? You want more children to take the place of adult family members who have grown distant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I reading this correctly? You want more children to take the place of adult family members who have grown distant?

OP here - NO! Absolutely not. We just realized that our immediate family unit is what is most important and in the future it will be us and our kids who we will be with for vacations and celebrations and day to day life. Not our parents or siblings. And we are debating if adding to our family would add more joy. It is not to replace an adult family member.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really understand what your title has to do with considering a 4th child. I don’t think bringing another child into your family should have anything to do with your relationship with your parents or your ILs.

And it certainly shouldn’t have anything to do with your parents’ politics. That fourth kid could end up a Fox News lover themselves. If your kids are all under 6, you have not yet reached the point where you realize that you have little control over who they become.

Give it a few years and OP could become a Fox News lover.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see the the relationship between not being close to your own family of origin and having 3 v 4 kids. I’d make the decision on other factors - income, time, energy, age of parents and other kids, other goals in life, desire, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, so YOU'RE family will be immune to this phenomenon, huh?

Seriously, though, you should have a fourth kid if you want to raise another child, with all the joys and stresses it brings. Also knowing that reducing your family size by one child is the best thing you can do to reduce your carbon impact.

This makes it sound like we should all kill one of our kids, for the environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see the the relationship between not being close to your own family of origin and having 3 v 4 kids. I’d make the decision on other factors - income, time, energy, age of parents and other kids, other goals in life, desire, etc.

+1 This. A new baby will need a lot of time and resources. It's not the same as seeing your FIL 2-3x a year.