Family rift - rethinking immediate family size

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really understand what your title has to do with considering a 4th child. I don’t think bringing another child into your family should have anything to do with your relationship with your parents or your ILs.

And it certainly shouldn’t have anything to do with your parents’ politics. That fourth kid could end up a Fox News lover themselves. If your kids are all under 6, you have not yet reached the point where you realize that you have little control over who they become.

+1. I mean, maybe you should have five kids, just in case the fourth is a political apostate and you have to cut them out of your life.

People need to find some hobbies and different ways to relate to people in this world other than politics. My MIL struggled with this for a long time and recently admitted that she felt like she somehow failed as a parent because her son does not hold the same religious and political views. We had years of fraught visits where she would grill my husband and me for our views on things so she can understand where she went wrong. Once we had kids, she pretty quickly figured out that less politics = longer visits = better visits.

OP here - I have held my tongue for a long time over my father's Fox News watching BS but he has decided that he is going to be selfish and refuses to vaccinate himself rather than see his grandchildren. To me that shows us where we stand in his life. Protect your grandchildren when they cannot get vaccinated themselves or put them at risk.

Wait is this real? I feel like this is a troll. You cut your family off because your dad has autonomy over his own body and decided to not get a vaccine that’s not yet FDA approved? I’m pro-vaccine but this isn’t a black and white issue and you know that. My dad is also not getting the vaccine right now - he’s in medicine and has his reasons - and I respect his decision. Sure it’s your decision to not let your kids around non-vaccinated people but to cut them out of your life over that is truly insane and you sound like the most intolerant person in the world. I don’t think I’d want to be in your life anyway, so it’s likely your (and your kids’) loss- not theirs.

Whatever you feel about vaccines, if you push your children and grandchildren out of your life that’s definitely your loss. You’d have to do some pretty strong mental gymnastics to get to the point where the child you raised not wanting to see you is NBD.

[Anonymous]

OP I know a lot of big families where more kids led to more division and more heartache. I understand you have a vision of a close relationship with your children and grandchildren, but you have no guarantee of the adults they will grow up to be.

Have a fourth for the joy of the person they would be now and for the chance to share love with another person. Have a fourth if your resources allow (both personal and material). Don't have a fourth for a back-up friend in 30 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really understand what your title has to do with considering a 4th child. I don’t think bringing another child into your family should have anything to do with your relationship with your parents or your ILs.

I agree. You have a child because you want one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we don't come from dysfunctional homes but have grown apart over the years from DHs family and my family mostly due to political beliefs. My mother in law has passed and my FIL is much older and we aren't very close with my SIL. My parents have become very Trump/Fox news loving people who just don't share common beliefs with DH and I any more. We are close with my sister and her family however.

So, what if one of your kids decides to become a republican? I guess you’ll just alienate yourself from them too?

I think since OP is so close minded that she will only accept family members who think like she does, by having a fourth child she’s hoping to increase her chances of being able to maintain at least one relationship once her children are old enough to assert their own beliefs.