Messed up marrying the wrong guy, where to go from here - give it to me straight please

[Anonymous]

I married the wrong person. I just do not respect my husband. I find him incompetent and underachieving. I have learned over our 7 years of marriage that he is all talk and no action, the type to make excuses instead of take action. However, he is a good father to our young daughter.

I am 37. I am fit, attractive, and I have a good job.

Would it be a terrible mistake to divorce? Would it be possible for me to remarry someone I could respect or did that ship realistically sail?

I suppose my choices are just make peace with my husband or take my chances in a divorce. My goals are to have a happy marriage with mutual love and respect and to model that to my daughter.

WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Why do you think he is underachieving and incompetent?

[Anonymous]

Can you be specific about him?

[Anonymous]

Please do him a huge favor and divorce him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think he is underachieving and incompetent?

He hates his job, talks about hating it all the time, has for years, but won't take any action. He thinks every move is too risky. Meanwhile, I have quadrupled my income during our marriage (his has completely stagnated), so it is difficult to respect someone who complains but doesn't do anything about it.

Same with his weight. He is perpetually in a state of trying to lose weight but never succeeding. How can I respect someone who claims to want to make a simple change yet simply cannot achieve it?

When I married this person he was fit and graduating from a prestigious graduate program. I am not really sure how I got suckered into this bait and switch, but I have a very hard time just accepting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please do him a huge favor and divorce him

I have actually said to him "I don't think I can be a good wife to you because I don't respect you" but he says he does NOT want a divorce. He thinks I should lower my expectations.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you don't have kids?

No kids, divorce him and do both of yourselves a favor.

[Anonymous]

Oh wait you have a kid.

Nope. Fix it. Deal. Not reasons to leave the father of your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you don't have kids?

No kids, divorce him and do both of yourselves a favor.

We have a 2 year old daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh wait you have a kid.

Nope. Fix it. Deal. Not reasons to leave the father of your kid.

How can I fix it? I am open to it but I have no idea how to fix this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh wait you have a kid.

Nope. Fix it. Deal. Not reasons to leave the father of your kid.

And your concern shouldn't be whether you can find a new, better husband. Your post should be about what is best for your daughter. That is your first priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you don't have kids?

No kids, divorce him and do both of yourselves a favor.

She mentioned her daughter twice

[Anonymous]

I might be in the minority, but I think if you’re unhappy and think you can find/create a better life for yourself and your kid after divorcing this guy then, do it. If this is where you are now, you’ll eventually get divorced or cheat on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wait you have a kid.

Nope. Fix it. Deal. Not reasons to leave the father of your kid.

How can I fix it? I am open to it but I have no idea how to fix this.

Therapy for yourself, therapy for him if he will agree, therapy together.

Have you done any of that?

[Anonymous]

Men your age are going to want a women who doesn’t have any kids.