I’m happy being a SAHM, except when others talk about it like I’m some kind of sucker

[Anonymous]

And in this case that person was Barak Obama.

I just heard an interview with him on an NPR podcast, and he said something about how Michelle’s mom had stretches where she was “just” a SAHM, and too often it’s women who make that sacrifice when they really should be working.

I really like Obama, and I’m a feminist, but seriously?

Especially after Covid I’m just not convinced that I’m the one making a “sacrifice”. Maybe my DH is the one sacrificing family time in order to work? And he likes his job but it’s hardly a “calling”, and it sure as heck isn’t a hobby. As far as I can tell I chose to SAH, I wasn’t suckered into it. There are good things and bad things about SAH, and there are good things and bad things about working. I wish our policies encouraged women AND men to SAH for stretches (a year or two) with young kids, and facilitated that choice with family leave policies or tax breaks (while also facilitating affordable day care for parents who want to work).

Anyway. I’m happy with my choice 90% of the time but it’s sucks to hear someone I admire denigrate my choices.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you. It bothers me because the talk around universal preK is really a push to not tackle the real issue: most families cannot afford to live without two working parents. I wish they'd tackle housing costs, college costs, wages, etc. that would allow people to make the best decision for their family, whether that's working or staying home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And in this case that person was Barak Obama.

I just heard an interview with him on an NPR podcast, and he said something about how Michelle’s mom had stretches where she was “just” a SAHM, and too often it’s women who make that sacrifice when they really should be working.

I really like Obama, and I’m a feminist, but seriously?

Especially after Covid I’m just not convinced that I’m the one making a “sacrifice”. Maybe my DH is the one sacrificing family time in order to work? And he likes his job but it’s hardly a “calling”, and it sure as heck isn’t a hobby. As far as I can tell I chose to SAH, I wasn’t suckered into it. There are good things and bad things about SAH, and there are good things and bad things about working. I wish our policies encouraged women AND men to SAH for stretches (a year or two) with young kids, and facilitated that choice with family leave policies or tax breaks (while also facilitating affordable day care for parents who want to work).

Anyway. I’m happy with my choice 90% of the time but it’s sucks to hear someone I admire denigrate my choices.

Sorry you're in your feelings but you're all over the place here. He said it's often women who are the ones to sacrifice their careers/incomes to raise kids, and you disagree that it's a sacrifice because you don't want to work and chose to SAH, but also you wish policies encouraged both men and women to SAH? Why do men need to be encouraged if it's not a sacrifice?

Some people want to stay home. Some have to because of childcare expenses and inflexible work schedules. When it's not a first choice, it's a sacrifice. Most of the time, women are the ones who make that sacrifice. If SAH is what you always wanted to do and you're happy and don't feel like you're sacrificing, you're not the topic of conversation. "If it don't apply, let it fly." It's like hearing someone talk about how they gave up meat for Lent and getting pissed off that they say it's been hard because you were raised vegetarian and have no desire to eat meat. Everything is not about you.

[Anonymous]

You are reading into things.

Be comfortable with your own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are reading into things.

Be comfortable with your own life.

To follow up, Michelle didn’t want to be a SAHM. She did make the sacrifice for her husbands career.

Her decision isn’t yours, and that’s okay

[Anonymous]

But women are often the ones to make that sacrifice because of the pay gap. That's the problem.

[Anonymous]

Knowing what I know about Barack Obama, I don't think he was denigrating choices, he was probably saying that women should have every opportunity to continue working if they want to. And that they shouldn't be the default parent. Whether you realize it or not, we as women are conditioned to believe that we should stay home with small children. I did it, at sacrifice to my career. I only see it in hindsight, as I am back now but the 7 years I was out cannot be regained.

[Anonymous]

A lot of moms are forced out of the workforce because of childcare costs, unsupportive spouses, etc. And it sucks and is a real policy problem. If you don't have a problem, you don't need a policy solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And in this case that person was Barak Obama.

I just heard an interview with him on an NPR podcast, and he said something about how Michelle’s mom had stretches where she was “just” a SAHM, and too often it’s women who make that sacrifice when they really should be working.

I really like Obama, and I’m a feminist, but seriously?

Especially after Covid I’m just not convinced that I’m the one making a “sacrifice”. Maybe my DH is the one sacrificing family time in order to work? And he likes his job but it’s hardly a “calling”, and it sure as heck isn’t a hobby. As far as I can tell I chose to SAH, I wasn’t suckered into it. There are good things and bad things about SAH, and there are good things and bad things about working. I wish our policies encouraged women AND men to SAH for stretches (a year or two) with young kids, and facilitated that choice with family leave policies or tax breaks (while also facilitating affordable day care for parents who want to work).

Anyway. I’m happy with my choice 90% of the time but it’s sucks to hear someone I admire denigrate my choices.

Yeah and I wish single people were paid by the government to take a year off and discover what they want to do with their life.

Pay for your own years of SAHP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you. It bothers me because the talk around universal preK is really a push to not tackle the real issue: most families cannot afford to live without two working parents. I wish they'd tackle housing costs, college costs, wages, etc. that would allow people to make the best decision for their family, whether that's working or staying home.

unless you want to live in a command economy, most of those things aren't fixable. Providing supports like universal prek is achievable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And in this case that person was Barak Obama.

I just heard an interview with him on an NPR podcast, and he said something about how Michelle’s mom had stretches where she was “just” a SAHM, and too often it’s women who make that sacrifice when they really should be working.

I really like Obama, and I’m a feminist, but seriously?

Especially after Covid I’m just not convinced that I’m the one making a “sacrifice”. Maybe my DH is the one sacrificing family time in order to work? And he likes his job but it’s hardly a “calling”, and it sure as heck isn’t a hobby. As far as I can tell I chose to SAH, I wasn’t suckered into it. There are good things and bad things about SAH, and there are good things and bad things about working. I wish our policies encouraged women AND men to SAH for stretches (a year or two) with young kids, and facilitated that choice with family leave policies or tax breaks (while also facilitating affordable day care for parents who want to work).

Anyway. I’m happy with my choice 90% of the time but it’s sucks to hear someone I admire denigrate my choices.

Sorry you're in your feelings but you're all over the place here. He said it's often women who are the ones to sacrifice their careers/incomes to raise kids, and you disagree that it's a sacrifice because you don't want to work and chose to SAH, but also you wish policies encouraged both men and women to SAH? Why do men need to be encouraged if it's not a sacrifice?

Some people want to stay home. Some have to because of childcare expenses and inflexible work schedules. When it's not a first choice, it's a sacrifice. Most of the time, women are the ones who make that sacrifice. If SAH is what you always wanted to do and you're happy and don't feel like you're sacrificing, you're not the topic of conversation. "If it don't apply, let it fly." It's like hearing someone talk about how they gave up meat for Lent and getting pissed off that they say it's been hard because you were raised vegetarian and have no desire to eat meat. Everything is not about you.

AMEN

[Anonymous]

He wasn't saying it's a universal constant that to sahm is to sacrifice. That just happens a lot. I chose to sahm too. I don't call my choice a sacrifice nor dh working long hours a sacrifice. We both see and appreciate each other's hard work and some days we are jealous of the other. I think a lot of husbands and wives should be working but got stuck as sahps and some working parents are stuck working but would better serve themselves/their families as sahps. Anyone in a position to choose is very priviledged and that should really be the goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you. It bothers me because the talk around universal preK is really a push to not tackle the real issue: most families cannot afford to live without two working parents. I wish they'd tackle housing costs, college costs, wages, etc. that would allow people to make the best decision for their family, whether that's working or staying home.

unless you want to live in a command economy, most of those things aren't fixable. Providing supports like universal prek is achievable

Ugh seriously. I'm so tired of people complaining about the "housing crisis" when what they mean is not enough close-in SFHs on 1/4+ acre lots. That's not fixable. Extending K-12 down to PreK3 is possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And in this case that person was Barak Obama.

I just heard an interview with him on an NPR podcast, and he said something about how Michelle’s mom had stretches where she was “just” a SAHM, and too often it’s women who make that sacrifice when they really should be working.

I really like Obama, and I’m a feminist, but seriously?

Especially after Covid I’m just not convinced that I’m the one making a “sacrifice”. Maybe my DH is the one sacrificing family time in order to work? And he likes his job but it’s hardly a “calling”, and it sure as heck isn’t a hobby. As far as I can tell I chose to SAH, I wasn’t suckered into it. There are good things and bad things about SAH, and there are good things and bad things about working. I wish our policies encouraged women AND men to SAH for stretches (a year or two) with young kids, and facilitated that choice with family leave policies or tax breaks (while also facilitating affordable day care for parents who want to work).

Anyway. I’m happy with my choice 90% of the time but it’s sucks to hear someone I admire denigrate my choices.

Yeah and I wish single people were paid by the government to take a year off and discover what they want to do with their life.

Pay for your own years of SAHP.

Agree. A year or two? No thank you. Plan for your children better.

Families already get a ton of tax breaks.

He didn’t denigrate your choice

[Anonymous]

You sound deeply insecure if you're internalizing someone else's story like this.