I’m happy being a SAHM, except when others talk about it like I’m some kind of sucker

[Anonymous]

Oh, who cares? A good chunk of this board thinks you’re a shitty mom if you work. It is what it is. Make choices that make you happy and ignore the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surely you see that on a societal level worldwide, the economic disempowerment of women and corresponding lack of educational and professional opportunities is due to the idea that they SHOULD sacrifice themselves to stay home. That raising kids and taking care of the home for no pay is their role.

It’s fine if you choose to stay home and like your situation, but understand that you’re probably more privileged than the vast majority of SAHMs.

As for being a SAHM, I also think it’s ok to acknowledge that it is a high burnout job that isn’t for everyone. A lot of people struggle with it, more than really enjoy it. Housekeeping involves a lot of thankless repetitive tasks and caring for young kids round the clock can be very draining as you can barely get a break to think or tend to your own needs. I was lucky to be able to WFH with very flexible hours during the pandemic and there were parts of it I enjoyed and parts that really felt wearing after a year. I do think it entails some sacrifice of self for many women to conform to this traditional role and it’s fine to acknowledge that.

Housekeeping is different from childcare as you pointed out. SAHMs should be responsible for childcare, they are not the family maid.

What?? No. If you stay at home, your job is the kids and the home. Clean up for heaven's sake. You're not *too good* for it.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. Its so boring. I hate staying at home. Kids are rweens— one is back in school and the other is in virtual and dying yo get back. We’re lucky to have flexibility but this pabdemic year has suuucked for us. Waste of time. And i never wsnt to sahm again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surely you see that on a societal level worldwide, the economic disempowerment of women and corresponding lack of educational and professional opportunities is due to the idea that they SHOULD sacrifice themselves to stay home. That raising kids and taking care of the home for no pay is their role.

It’s fine if you choose to stay home and like your situation, but understand that you’re probably more privileged than the vast majority of SAHMs.

As for being a SAHM, I also think it’s ok to acknowledge that it is a high burnout job that isn’t for everyone. A lot of people struggle with it, more than really enjoy it. Housekeeping involves a lot of thankless repetitive tasks and caring for young kids round the clock can be very draining as you can barely get a break to think or tend to your own needs. I was lucky to be able to WFH with very flexible hours during the pandemic and there were parts of it I enjoyed and parts that really felt wearing after a year. I do think it entails some sacrifice of self for many women to conform to this traditional role and it’s fine to acknowledge that.

Housekeeping is different from childcare as you pointed out. SAHMs should be responsible for childcare, they are not the family maid.

What?? No. If you stay at home, your job is the kids and the home. Clean up for heaven's sake. You're not *too good* for it.

I’m not too good for it, I just don’t think I should do it or see it as my responsibility. My job is childcare. We have cleaners.

[Anonymous]

I would never ever say this IRL but... I just think SAHMs are kind of dumb and useless . Like all they can talk about is their children. And most of them, even the ones with kids in school, don’t do anything for the community. They’re pretty lazy TBH. I dunno, if you enjoy the life, great. It seems like kind of a waste though

[Anonymous]

I was rapidly climbing up the corporate ladder. It was a big decision when I decided to give it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never ever say this IRL but... I just think SAHMs are kind of dumb and useless . Like all they can talk about is their children. And most of them, even the ones with kids in school, don’t do anything for the community. They’re pretty lazy TBH. I dunno, if you enjoy the life, great. It seems like kind of a waste though

I'm sorry you only know such limited people. This feels like a comment about like 1 person you know. There are lots of different kinds of people who become SAHMs, just like there are lots of different kinds of people who are WOHMs.

This would be like if you were the only WOHM I knew and I said "I just think WOHMs are myopic and judgmental. Like all they do is criticize other people. They act like their jobs are important 'to the community' but most of them are, like, mid-level marketing managers for regional law firms. I dunno, if you enjoy the life, great. It seems like kind of a waste though."

See how that works?

(I work by the way, I just think you're being ridiculous)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never ever say this IRL but... I just think SAHMs are kind of dumb and useless . Like all they can talk about is their children. And most of them, even the ones with kids in school, don’t do anything for the community. They’re pretty lazy TBH. I dunno, if you enjoy the life, great. It seems like kind of a waste though

I'm sorry you only know such limited people. This feels like a comment about like 1 person you know. There are lots of different kinds of people who become SAHMs, just like there are lots of different kinds of people who are WOHMs.

This would be like if you were the only WOHM I knew and I said "I just think WOHMs are myopic and judgmental. Like all they do is criticize other people. They act like their jobs are important 'to the community' but most of them are, like, mid-level marketing managers for regional law firms. I dunno, if you enjoy the life, great. It seems like kind of a waste though."

See how that works?

(I work by the way, I just think you're being ridiculous)

No it’s more than 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never ever say this IRL but... I just think SAHMs are kind of dumb and useless . Like all they can talk about is their children. And most of them, even the ones with kids in school, don’t do anything for the community. They’re pretty lazy TBH. I dunno, if you enjoy the life, great. It seems like kind of a waste though

I'm sorry you only know such limited people. This feels like a comment about like 1 person you know. There are lots of different kinds of people who become SAHMs, just like there are lots of different kinds of people who are WOHMs.

This would be like if you were the only WOHM I knew and I said "I just think WOHMs are myopic and judgmental. Like all they do is criticize other people. They act like their jobs are important 'to the community' but most of them are, like, mid-level marketing managers for regional law firms. I dunno, if you enjoy the life, great. It seems like kind of a waste though."

See how that works?

(I work by the way, I just think you're being ridiculous)

No it’s more than 1.

Please don’t leave us with just this cliffhanger of response! Have you met two? Three? Ten?! I am very concerned for my community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And in this case that person was Barak Obama.

I just heard an interview with him on an NPR podcast, and he said something about how Michelle’s mom had stretches where she was “just” a SAHM, and too often it’s women who make that sacrifice when they really should be working.

I really like Obama, and I’m a feminist, but seriously?

Especially after Covid I’m just not convinced that I’m the one making a “sacrifice”. Maybe my DH is the one sacrificing family time in order to work? And he likes his job but it’s hardly a “calling”, and it sure as heck isn’t a hobby. As far as I can tell I chose to SAH, I wasn’t suckered into it. There are good things and bad things about SAH, and there are good things and bad things about working. I wish our policies encouraged women AND men to SAH for stretches (a year or two) with young kids, and facilitated that choice with family leave policies or tax breaks (while also facilitating affordable day care for parents who want to work).

Anyway. I’m happy with my choice 90% of the time but it’s sucks to hear someone I admire denigrate my choices.

Sorry you're in your feelings but you're all over the place here. He said it's often women who are the ones to sacrifice their careers/incomes to raise kids, and you disagree that it's a sacrifice because you don't want to work and chose to SAH, but also you wish policies encouraged both men and women to SAH? Why do men need to be encouraged if it's not a sacrifice?

Some people want to stay home. Some have to because of childcare expenses and inflexible work schedules. When it's not a first choice, it's a sacrifice. Most of the time, women are the ones who make that sacrifice. If SAH is what you always wanted to do and you're happy and don't feel like you're sacrificing, you're not the topic of conversation. "If it don't apply, let it fly." It's like hearing someone talk about how they gave up meat for Lent and getting pissed off that they say it's been hard because you were raised vegetarian and have no desire to eat meat. Everything is not about you.

For most women, it's not a sacrifice, it's a choice. They want to be home. For most men, it would be a sacrifice, because they would rather be at work. So yes, men need to be encouraged because it is a sacrifice for them, and women conversely need societal encouragement to go to work because many would rather be at home.

Citation needed.

+1. What a load of BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And in this case that person was Barak Obama.

I just heard an interview with him on an NPR podcast, and he said something about how Michelle’s mom had stretches where she was “just” a SAHM, and too often it’s women who make that sacrifice when they really should be working.

I really like Obama, and I’m a feminist, but seriously?

Especially after Covid I’m just not convinced that I’m the one making a “sacrifice”. Maybe my DH is the one sacrificing family time in order to work? And he likes his job but it’s hardly a “calling”, and it sure as heck isn’t a hobby. As far as I can tell I chose to SAH, I wasn’t suckered into it. There are good things and bad things about SAH, and there are good things and bad things about working. I wish our policies encouraged women AND men to SAH for stretches (a year or two) with young kids, and facilitated that choice with family leave policies or tax breaks (while also facilitating affordable day care for parents who want to work).

Anyway. I’m happy with my choice 90% of the time but it’s sucks to hear someone I admire denigrate my choices.

Yeah and I wish single people were paid by the government to take a year off and discover what they want to do with their life.

Pay for your own years of SAHP.

This is the most nonsensical comment. What a ridiculous argument. Go back to bed.

NP. No, it's not. Why should people get paid to stay home for a year or two with kids? What about people who don't have kids? What do they get?

Nothing. Know why? They’re not helping to raise the next generation who will support the millennials in their old age.

Hahaha. You can stick your delusions of grandeur in your ear. You chose to have kids because you wanted them. You did the world no favors. No government-sponsored SAH time for you, Mama Bear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surely you see that on a societal level worldwide, the economic disempowerment of women and corresponding lack of educational and professional opportunities is due to the idea that they SHOULD sacrifice themselves to stay home. That raising kids and taking care of the home for no pay is their role.

It’s fine if you choose to stay home and like your situation, but understand that you’re probably more privileged than the vast majority of SAHMs.

As for being a SAHM, I also think it’s ok to acknowledge that it is a high burnout job that isn’t for everyone. A lot of people struggle with it, more than really enjoy it. Housekeeping involves a lot of thankless repetitive tasks and caring for young kids round the clock can be very draining as you can barely get a break to think or tend to your own needs. I was lucky to be able to WFH with very flexible hours during the pandemic and there were parts of it I enjoyed and parts that really felt wearing after a year. I do think it entails some sacrifice of self for many women to conform to this traditional role and it’s fine to acknowledge that.

Housekeeping is different from childcare as you pointed out. SAHMs should be responsible for childcare, they are not the family maid.

What?? No. If you stay at home, your job is the kids and the home. Clean up for heaven's sake. You're not *too good* for it.

I’m not too good for it, I just don’t think I should do it or see it as my responsibility. My job is childcare. We have cleaners.

Taking care of the home is the responsibility of the people who live in it, aka all of you unless you have kids who are really little. And even little ones can pick up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, who cares? A good chunk of this board thinks you’re a shitty mom if you work. It is what it is. Make choices that make you happy and ignore the rest.

+1. Just live your life and stop seeking validation from others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Feminism used to be about having choices. If you wanted to be a SAHM, that's fine it's your choice. If you wanted to work part time, that's fine it's your choice. If you want to work full time, that's fine it's your choice. Go get the life you want.

But it's morphed into you MUST work full time and have a career, there is no other choice. IF you do not do it this way, then you are a bad person to be looked down upon.

I don't like what feminism has become, personally. It should be about having the range of choices. It isn't anymore, and that is why it is losing supporters.

Funny, you sound exactly like Christina Hoff Sommers who is literally paid by conservative billionaires because she has that exact view (which helps the billionaires politically.)

Forgive me if I don’t take this opinion seriously when it is astroturfed so hard in our society.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend who was a stay at home mom by choice and super proud of it. Due to her choice her husband was left to work super hard all the time. They even went to counseling and the counselor told her she was selfish and needed to work. She complained non stop about how much her husband worked. In the end she made the choice to get divorced. She said it was freeing. Now she has not choice but to either find a new husband or find a job.

I don't get why people feel like they need a choice in everything. Feminism should give women the ability bto do what they feel is right but I really think she didn't recognize her choices impacted by others. Her family had to live.