I’m happy being a SAHM, except when others talk about it like I’m some kind of sucker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And in this case that person was Barak Obama.

I just heard an interview with him on an NPR podcast, and he said something about how Michelle’s mom had stretches where she was “just” a SAHM, and too often it’s women who make that sacrifice when they really should be working.

I really like Obama, and I’m a feminist, but seriously?

Especially after Covid I’m just not convinced that I’m the one making a “sacrifice”. Maybe my DH is the one sacrificing family time in order to work? And he likes his job but it’s hardly a “calling”, and it sure as heck isn’t a hobby. As far as I can tell I chose to SAH, I wasn’t suckered into it. There are good things and bad things about SAH, and there are good things and bad things about working. I wish our policies encouraged women AND men to SAH for stretches (a year or two) with young kids, and facilitated that choice with family leave policies or tax breaks (while also facilitating affordable day care for parents who want to work).

Anyway. I’m happy with my choice 90% of the time but it’s sucks to hear someone I admire denigrate my choices.

Yeah and I wish single people were paid by the government to take a year off and discover what they want to do with their life.

Pay for your own years of SAHP.

I already fund their schools, now I have to fund their staying home?

[Anonymous]

I thought being a SAHM was the best thing ever until DCuM told me it wasn’t.

[Anonymous]

Just hope you never get divorced.

Or widowed early without really good life insurance.

Women who mommy track or sahm often get really screwed by divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He wasn't saying it's a universal constant that to sahm is to sacrifice. That just happens a lot. I chose to sahm too. I don't call my choice a sacrifice nor dh working long hours a sacrifice. We both see and appreciate each other's hard work and some days we are jealous of the other. I think a lot of husbands and wives should be working but got stuck as sahps and some working parents are stuck working but would better serve themselves/their families as sahps. Anyone in a position to choose is very privileged and that should really be the goal.

I agree with this.

I chose to SAH and left a great career to do so. For me, I wanted to be with my kids more than anything else. But, would I have liked to also work if I had flexibility to work from home and a nanny, cook, cleaner? Probably yes. My kids needed a lot of my time in early years, but once they started going to school, the time that I gave them was only in the evening - homework, enrichment, baths, reading to them etc. I did have time in the day to do part-time work and keep my foot in the industry.

My question is why can't we do both? I am all for universal preK, paid maternity/paternity leave, flexible workplace, remote working and equal pay for women. I have been out of work for 15 yrs and I will never be going back to work. My family appreciates what I do for them. But, I see my young daughters on the path to high paying STEM fields and I do not like that the working world does not have an equal playing field for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought being a SAHM was the best thing ever until DCuM told me it wasn’t.

Congrats, it’s the best thing for you.

I was terribly deeply depressed when I was a SAHM. Luckily I had the resources to go back to work and restart my career.

DCUM is not the final arbitrator for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just hope you never get divorced.

Or widowed early without really good life insurance.

Women who mommy track or sahm often get really screwed by divorce.

Watch out a bunch of women are about to tell you:

1. I'm SUPER RICH and NEVER needed to work!

or

2. DH is SUPER RICH and I'll be fine with 50%!

or

3. We have a PRENUP that says I get EVERYTHING.

or

4. DH PROMISED that I'll be SUPER RICH if we divorce or if he dies!


Any woman who has been left holding the bag is a dumb dumb. The majority of women are less well off after divorce or death, but I'M DIFFERENT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound deeply insecure if you're internalizing someone else's story like this.

+1 the whole sahm wohm issues always dissolve to the insecure people. They see any comment as an afront to their personhood and capabilities as a parent. They get set off over people describing their own situation. Sahm: I want to spend these precious years being a full time mom. Wohm: Are you saying I am not a loving mom? I'll have you know....
Wohm: I need a work life outside the home to feel mentally active and I'm proud to be a financial support to my family and use my brain. SAHM: How dare you imply I am not using my brain? I'll have you know...

People, be comfortable in your skin! Someone's choice is not an indictment on you! Be glad if what you chose is not a "sacrifice".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And in this case that person was Barak Obama.

I just heard an interview with him on an NPR podcast, and he said something about how Michelle’s mom had stretches where she was “just” a SAHM, and too often it’s women who make that sacrifice when they really should be working.

I really like Obama, and I’m a feminist, but seriously?

Especially after Covid I’m just not convinced that I’m the one making a “sacrifice”. Maybe my DH is the one sacrificing family time in order to work? And he likes his job but it’s hardly a “calling”, and it sure as heck isn’t a hobby. As far as I can tell I chose to SAH, I wasn’t suckered into it. There are good things and bad things about SAH, and there are good things and bad things about working. I wish our policies encouraged women AND men to SAH for stretches (a year or two) with young kids, and facilitated that choice with family leave policies or tax breaks (while also facilitating affordable day care for parents who want to work).

Anyway. I’m happy with my choice 90% of the time but it’s sucks to hear someone I admire denigrate my choices.

Only when it's convenient to you. Get your a$$ out and do your share of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you. It bothers me because the talk around universal preK is really a push to not tackle the real issue: most families cannot afford to live without two working parents. I wish they'd tackle housing costs, college costs, wages, etc. that would allow people to make the best decision for their family, whether that's working or staying home.

unless you want to live in a command economy, most of those things aren't fixable. Providing supports like universal prek is achievable

I disagree. College costs rising are directly tied with government-backed educational loans. That is a problem of our own making. We could limit foreign investment on housing. We could raise taxes on non-primary homes and air bnb situations that lower supply. There are options to fix these problems.

[Anonymous]

Education loans should be interest free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And in this case that person was Barak Obama.

I just heard an interview with him on an NPR podcast, and he said something about how Michelle’s mom had stretches where she was “just” a SAHM, and too often it’s women who make that sacrifice when they really should be working.

I really like Obama, and I’m a feminist, but seriously?

Especially after Covid I’m just not convinced that I’m the one making a “sacrifice”. Maybe my DH is the one sacrificing family time in order to work? And he likes his job but it’s hardly a “calling”, and it sure as heck isn’t a hobby. As far as I can tell I chose to SAH, I wasn’t suckered into it. There are good things and bad things about SAH, and there are good things and bad things about working. I wish our policies encouraged women AND men to SAH for stretches (a year or two) with young kids, and facilitated that choice with family leave policies or tax breaks (while also facilitating affordable day care for parents who want to work).

Anyway. I’m happy with my choice 90% of the time but it’s sucks to hear someone I admire denigrate my choices.

Yeah and I wish single people were paid by the government to take a year off and discover what they want to do with their life.

Pay for your own years of SAHP.

This is the most nonsensical comment. What a ridiculous argument. Go back to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you. It bothers me because the talk around universal preK is really a push to not tackle the real issue: most families cannot afford to live without two working parents. I wish they'd tackle housing costs, college costs, wages, etc. that would allow people to make the best decision for their family, whether that's working or staying home.

Who is “they”? I DID make the best decision for my family and that was to wait to have children until we could afford to buy a small home and live on one income . I never conceived of a “they” making that possible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just hope you never get divorced.

Or widowed early without really good life insurance.

Women who mommy track or sahm often get really screwed by divorce.

Watch out a bunch of women are about to tell you:

1. I'm SUPER RICH and NEVER needed to work!

or

2. DH is SUPER RICH and I'll be fine with 50%!

or

3. We have a PRENUP that says I get EVERYTHING.

or

4. DH PROMISED that I'll be SUPER RICH if we divorce or if he dies!


Any woman who has been left holding the bag is a dumb dumb. The majority of women are less well off after divorce or death, but I'M DIFFERENT.

Sorry about your divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Education loans should be interest free.

Education loans should be tied to earning potential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought being a SAHM was the best thing ever until DCuM told me it wasn’t.

Congrats, it’s the best thing for you.

I was terribly deeply depressed when I was a SAHM. Luckily I had the resources to go back to work and restart my career.

DCUM is not the final arbitrator for anything.

You heard it here, folks! Some women was depressed when she wasn't working. Being a SAHM is "SAD". QED.