Boyfriend judging my past - AITA or what to do?

[Anonymous]

We’re both 40+, been dating almost a year and have a decent relationship, rapport, communication, etc. Generally I am very happy with him
and vice versa. We’ve both been open about our past relationships, transgressions, behaviors we’ve outgrown, etc, and talk openly about what we’ve learned from those experiences, and how they contributed to who we are today. There are times some of those convos got heated and emotional but ultimately we talked things through with no lingering subterfuge, and I felt relieved. Lately, some of these convos lead to him being judgemental towards me and ultimately questioning my character. The most recent offending event was him learning I kept in touch with someone from my past who’s since become a strictly platonic friend who I see a couple times a year (boyfriend assumed the friendship ended with the sex years ago).

[Anonymous]

Your damn near 40 years old, uou have a past you’re both honest and he is annoyed about a remnant that is around after a year? You’re not having sex with him but have a history? Pffft. Everyone has a history, OP. And if they don’t have a history and you do, you’ll have different issues to contend.

Do what you’re comfortable with. I would not be comfortable doing something that contradicted what I was comfortable with. That may work for him or it may not, but no you aren’t an ass.

[Anonymous]

Are his initials KA?

His judgment and criticism of your past is not OK.

However, I would not be comfortable, if I were him, with you spending time with the friend who you used to have sex with. I think many people would have issues with that.

[Anonymous]

Submitted OP too quickly. It’s his judgement that bothers me and flies in the face of the myriad things enjoyable about the relationship, on both sides! If he can’t accept transgressions with a little grace, what’s the point??

[Anonymous]

So you met up with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are his initials KA?

His judgment and criticism of your past is not OK.

However, I would not be comfortable, if I were him, with you spending time with the friend who you used to have sex with. I think many people would have issues with that.

Those initials do not belong to anyone in the narrative. And I agree 100% I should and will stop seeing the friend. It will be easy because it’s very infrequent. Mentioned this to my boyfriend and he told me not to do that...... 🙄 but I will.

[Anonymous]

He assumed because you didn’t tell him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you met up with him?

I see the friend periodically over tea and we catch up about life, his family, love, politics, even my current boyfriend (he actually gives good advice!). We do have love for each other but have not crossed the line in a couple years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He assumed because you didn’t tell him?

Yes. He knew about the friend but I didn’t mention that we saw each other because it was so infrequent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He assumed because you didn’t tell him?

Yes. He knew about the friend but I didn’t mention that we saw each other because it was so infrequent.

He's not judging you for your past Aa you claim. You misrepresented your relationship with your ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He assumed because you didn’t tell him?

Yes. He knew about the friend but I didn’t mention that we saw each other because it was so infrequent.

He's not judging you for your past Aa you claim. You misrepresented your relationship with your ex.

And you’re revealing things about your current relationship to a man you used to bone while not in your bf’s company. He has good reason to be pissed.

[Anonymous]

you're still with an ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He assumed because you didn’t tell him?

Yes. He knew about the friend but I didn’t mention that we saw each other because it was so infrequent.

He's not judging you for your past Aa you claim. You misrepresented your relationship with your ex.

And you’re revealing things about your current relationship to a man you used to bone while not in your bf’s company. He has good reason to be pissed.

This is the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you met up with him?

I see the friend periodically over tea and we catch up about life, his family, love, politics, even my current boyfriend (he actually gives good advice!). We do have love for each other but have not crossed the line in a couple years.

Oh hell no. You discuss your current boyfriend with him??? And you still have love for each other?

I would not be ok with this.

[Anonymous]

So OP misrepresented her relationship with an ex and basically went on a date with a man she has feelings for and used to sleep with. During the date they discussed OP’s current relationship. And you’re wondering where things went sideways?