Meeting quality guys in their 30s

[Anonymous]

Where does one even begin to do this? Just left a longterm relationship and I worry everyone is on the apps, which kind of suck. I have no real guidelines here other than kind, professional, and between 30-40.

[Anonymous]

When you find out let me know and then find his friend and we go double dating

[Anonymous]

I'm 33, I just got out of a 5 year relationship. I'm currently with a 37 year old lawyer from upstate NY. Where did we meet? Tinder. He's a sweetheart, we spend at least 2 nights together, and our backgrounds/values match really well.

Everyone likes to say Tinder is only for hookups, but in my experience you get what you give.

[Anonymous]

My friend met her dh on Hinge, and my other friend met her current boyfriend of about 18 months on Hinge or Bumble, I think. I don't remember. Regardless they are both super nice/professional guys in their 30s. You just have to weed through a lot of losers which honestly would be true of old fashioned type dating as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend met her dh on Hinge, and my other friend met her current boyfriend of about 18 months on Hinge or Bumble, I think. I don't remember. Regardless they are both super nice/professional guys in their 30s. You just have to weed through a lot of losers which honestly would be true of old fashioned type dating as well.

Somebody wins the lottery too. A male relative, early 30s good education and job, nice looking would like to settle down but it's slim pickings. For OP and him, recommend maybe a religious young adult socializing group or Sierra Club or cultural events? And also taking a chance on people who don't fit your exact specifications.

[Anonymous]

I have two available at my work.

[Anonymous]

Incredibly slim pickings, and I’m looking for the same. Still hopefully with the apps, but it’s a lot of leg work, which seems less and less worth it.

[Anonymous]

I met my husband on Tinder.

[Anonymous]

The ironic thing is that men in their 30s could probably write the same things

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The ironic thing is that men in their 30s could probably write the same things

Do you know the meaning of irony? That's not ironic at all. It's just a fact that for both sexes, there's a lot of odd people in the dating pool at that age.

[Anonymous]

I suggest you figure out how to quickly assess whether the man is marriage material and if the relationship is heading towards marriage. Once you're in your 30's, you should at least start discussing marriage within 6 or so months and be engaged within around a year. Don't spend 2 years with a guy just seeing how it goes. Almost all the good guys are married or engaged by 35.

I mean this gently, but all the 40+ never-married females I know have allowed themselves to be strung along by guys. Many of them are wonderful, intelligent, attractive women who have confidence and guy-selection issues. Get your confidence up, fix your picker, and have the courage to walk away from a dead-end relationship.

[Anonymous]

quickly assess ... if the relationship is heading towards marriage.

Quickly? To make an informed decision about trying to spend the rest of your life with someone, to tolerate her at her worst, isn’t done “quickly”. It takes many many months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suggest you figure out how to quickly assess whether the man is marriage material and if the relationship is heading towards marriage. Once you're in your 30's, you should at least start discussing marriage within 6 or so months and be engaged within around a year. Don't spend 2 years with a guy just seeing how it goes. Almost all the good guys are married or engaged by 35.

I mean this gently, but all the 40+ never-married females I know have allowed themselves to be strung along by guys. Many of them are wonderful, intelligent, attractive women who have confidence and guy-selection issues. Get your confidence up, fix your picker, and have the courage to walk away from a dead-end relationship.

Or we ( I am single and 44) spent too much time in relationships with guys we realized we didn’t want to marry.

I’m not good at figuring out what I want early on and breaking things off early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suggest you figure out how to quickly assess whether the man is marriage material and if the relationship is heading towards marriage. Once you're in your 30's, you should at least start discussing marriage within 6 or so months and be engaged within around a year. Don't spend 2 years with a guy just seeing how it goes. Almost all the good guys are married or engaged by 35.

I mean this gently, but all the 40+ never-married females I know have allowed themselves to be strung along by guys. Many of them are wonderful, intelligent, attractive women who have confidence and guy-selection issues. Get your confidence up, fix your picker, and have the courage to walk away from a dead-end relationship.

Or we ( I am single and 44) spent too much time in relationships with guys we realized we didn’t want to marry.

I’m not good at figuring out what I want early on and breaking things off early.

It's not an "or" situation. You're exactly what I'm talking about. You stay in dead-end relationships. There's a type of person - both male and female - who stay in dead-end long-term relationships. It's what damaged people do. There's no reason to date for 3+ years unless you met in college. It's fine if you don't want to get married, but if you do then you need to figure out what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

quickly assess ... if the relationship is heading towards marriage.

Quickly? To make an informed decision about trying to spend the rest of your life with someone, to tolerate her at her worst, isn’t done “quickly”. It takes many many months.

No, it doesn't when you're already in your 30's and know what you want. You should know if the relationship is a contender for marriage within 6 months, and know whether you want to marry this person within about a year. We're not talking about 22 year olds here; we're talking about women with declining fertility and a decreasing pool of eligible men and women.