Went through husbands phone...entertaining other women

[Anonymous]

Need advice..went through my husbands phone as I found messages of him entertaining other women. Some are sexual texts, but I can’t figure out if he’s had sex with anyone yet. It’s a lot of flirting with different women and one sent lingerie pics. I’ve also seen dating apps, swinger apps, and a transgender dating (that’s another conversation) app on his phone. Last year a friend of mine told me she sent him on a dating app, but he denied it and said it was old.

He’s also a compulsive liar...says he’s going “in the office” but was playing golf one day, two days later said “I’m going to the office” and went to his friends house (a gay woman) to smoke weed and take his calls. He also find every excuse to be out of the house (golf, bike riding,meetings. Etc). We have two small children and I keep thinking he wanted to get married because of the kids.

We got into a heated argument about the texts because he blamed me for having to lie about where he’s going. No apologies just deflection. I’m not texting men “I love you” or communicating with other men like inappropriately. This is considered emotionally cheating right?

Need help, do I divorce or am I over reacting?

[Anonymous]

Yeah I don’t know if you need to divorce but you’re definitely not overreacting. He’s gaslighting you. I’m sorry. I would talk to a lawyer and a therapist in that order. He sounds totally awful.

[Anonymous]

I’m really sorry. Sounds like my first husband. Very glad to have left. I could not take the lying. It would have made me insane. I am currently married to a very loyal man who has excellent values - it’s a relief not to need to snoop or worry.

[Anonymous]

These are the dumb wives I don't get. Get some freakin' self-respect omg!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are the dumb wives I don't get. Get some freakin' self-respect omg!

That’s not very helpful! I have self respect, but also have my two young children in mind. Prior to kids, I would’ve dipped and been on a beach somewhere to clear my mind. So I’m trying to figure this out and looking for advice, not to be chastised for coming on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are the dumb wives I don't get. Get some freakin' self-respect omg!

This. And there have been a lot of them lately. It's just sad and pathetic and makes me wonder what is wrong with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are the dumb wives I don't get. Get some freakin' self-respect omg!

That’s not very helpful! I have self respect, but also have my two young children in mind. Prior to kids, I would’ve dipped and been on a beach somewhere to clear my mind. So I’m trying to figure this out and looking for advice, not to be chastised for coming on here.

You clearly don't have any self respect (or brain cells) if you can't figure out if you're over reacting to this or not.

[Anonymous]

You need to leave him, OP. Before your kids start thinking his behavior is normal or you get an STD from him. Sorry.

Get copies of all the evidence now while you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are the dumb wives I don't get. Get some freakin' self-respect omg!

That’s not very helpful! I have self respect, but also have my two young children in mind. Prior to kids, I would’ve dipped and been on a beach somewhere to clear my mind. So I’m trying to figure this out and looking for advice, not to be chastised for coming on here.

You clearly don't have any self respect (or brain cells) if you can't figure out if you're over reacting to this or not.

definitely have felt in a daze and just living life in a routine. You’re right, I’m not over reacting. This shit ain’t cool, but don’t want to blow up my spot of how I enter his phone, before I can gather all my evidence. Took some videos before but it deleted from my iCloud.

What’s the best way to present it? Via a lawyer ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are the dumb wives I don't get. Get some freakin' self-respect omg!

That’s not very helpful! I have self respect, but also have my two young children in mind. Prior to kids, I would’ve dipped and been on a beach somewhere to clear my mind. So I’m trying to figure this out and looking for advice, not to be chastised for coming on here.

You clearly don't have any self respect (or brain cells) if you can't figure out if you're over reacting to this or not.

Ignore this PP. They’re being massive A-holes.

[Anonymous]

He's never going to change. Honestly I wouldn't even bring it up or confront him. Talk to a lawyer and possibly a financial advisor and get your ducks in a row. Stash away money. Make plans, take your time if you need to. Don't tell him you're planning a divorce, let it be a nice surprise. And I agree you should get tested for STDs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's never going to change. Honestly I wouldn't even bring it up or confront him. Talk to a lawyer and possibly a financial advisor and get your ducks in a row. Stash away money. Make plans, take your time if you need to. Don't tell him you're planning a divorce, let it be a nice surprise. And I agree you should get tested for STDs.

We’ve only been married two years, no assets together. Got a savings account thats all mine (that he just learned about). Got a joint account but I don’t put anything in there cuz he’ll just spend it.

[Anonymous]

Get a private investigator if you really need/want evidence. Also consult with a lawyer to discuss all your options. Just because you meet with a lawyer doesn't mean you have to divorce. Knowledge is power. It does sound like he's cheating. Lay low and gather proof before you confront.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's never going to change. Honestly I wouldn't even bring it up or confront him. Talk to a lawyer and possibly a financial advisor and get your ducks in a row. Stash away money. Make plans, take your time if you need to. Don't tell him you're planning a divorce, let it be a nice surprise. And I agree you should get tested for STDs.

We’ve only been married two years, no assets together. Got a savings account thats all mine (that he just learned about). Got a joint account but I don’t put anything in there cuz he’ll just spend it.

Where is his money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's never going to change. Honestly I wouldn't even bring it up or confront him. Talk to a lawyer and possibly a financial advisor and get your ducks in a row. Stash away money. Make plans, take your time if you need to. Don't tell him you're planning a divorce, let it be a nice surprise. And I agree you should get tested for STDs.

We’ve only been married two years, no assets together. Got a savings account thats all mine (that he just learned about). Got a joint account but I don’t put anything in there cuz he’ll just spend it.

Where is his money?

He has his own separate checking account. And just got added another line to our phone plan for the “business” he wants to start. But I think it’s a side phone...he texted his other phone the code so I now have it. Dummy