Fiance wants to elope, I want a wedding

[Anonymous]

My Fiance and I got engaged June 2020. Given 2020 and 2021 we put off having a wedding until 2022.

My fiance all of a sudden decided she doesn't want a wedding anymore and would rather elope. Her reasoning is we would save a lot of money and wouldnt have to wait 2 years. She also has a really small family and they are not that close.

I'm from a traditional family and this absolutely would not fly. We've discussed it and she refuses to compromise. I understand from her perspective she's not extremely close with her family, so a wedding isn't a big deal, but for me, it would be a huge sign of disrespect to my family.

[Anonymous]

"she refuses to compromise."

You mean, she refused doing exactly what you wanted? Where is the compromise?

[Anonymous]

I feel a sign of disrespect is doing what your family wants to do for a wedding vs. your future wife....

[Anonymous]

Your future wife’s feelings matter more than your family.
You are getting married. Put her first.
You sound like my ExH. He refused to compromise on the big wedding (and every major life decision, which I learned later). The wedding felt like a show. I did not want that.

Compromise on a small wedding. Or elope and have a small reception later.

[Anonymous]

I wanted to elope and DH wanted a wedding. We had a lovely wedding. He now agrees that we should have eloped.

Elope now. Have a big party in a couple years when things are better.

[Anonymous]

You might not be able to have a large wedding for a couple years.

Get married. Just the two of you. Or two of you plus parents, or siblings, or whatever. Do it outside with a friend or family member officiating. Then plan on having a big wedding or just a big party once covid is better.

She wants to be married. She doesn’t want to wait till the pandemic is over for that. Making your fiancé wait a year or two to get married to make your family happy is not the right prioritization

[Anonymous]

If it wasn't for Covid, I'd say that you should compromise and have a small wedding or elopement ceremony then maybe a big party at your family's largest home for whoever couldn't attend.

But its Covid. So just elope and move on.

[Anonymous]

Compromise on a small wedding. Or elope and have a small reception later.

+1

[Anonymous]

Elope and have a party later on.

[Anonymous]

My DH wanted a big wedding, I wanted to elope. We compromised by having a small, immediate family only (grandparents, parents, siblings) wedding.

[Anonymous]

Weddings are fun and all for the attendees, but are often just a waste of money. Save the money and buy some cryptocurrencies with it instead.

[Anonymous]

You're going to get everyone telling you to elope, because a) they almost always side with the woman on these posts, B) most people here have dysfunctional families and dysfunctional themselves


To it's a pretty bad sign of her lack of respect for you that she wants you to disregard something that's deeply important to you, having your parents attend your wedding. That's not an unreasonable thing. She's asking you to drop your value s for her.

It's also a bad sign that she knowingly wants you to do something that will make you unhappy and drive a wedge between you and her family. It's also a bad sign because her family is dysfunctional she doesn't want you to be connected to your family anymore.

Her behavior and her ask is abusive, and it will not get better, but worse over time, and it will eventually involve your kids if you have them. You don't want to be married to this toxic person.

But since you want to get married, compromise. The compromise is a small wedding with your parents, maybe grandparents and siblings if everyone is close by, and possibly a large party later.

If she can't compromise on the small wedding. End it.

[Anonymous]

Elope now. If it's still important to you to have a big celebration in a few years, then do it. If not, move on. After you're married you realize it's really not a big deal. Or, save your money and take a huge trip!

[Anonymous]

Her behavior and her ask is abusive, and it will not get better, but worse over time, and it will eventually involve your kids if you have them. You don't want to be married to this toxic person.

Ok you're a little nuts, pp. Couples elope all the time, especially now. She doesn't want to wait any longer. Perfectly reasonable. OP if your family's feelings always trump your future wife's feelings, your not in a good place to start a life together.

When it's safe to do so, suggest a small cocktail party that your family hosts and pays for, much like a rehearsal dinner.

[Anonymous]

What compromise are you offering that doesn’t involve waiting until 2022 to get married?