Fiance wants to elope, I want a wedding

[Anonymous]

It's great she just wants to be married to you, shows where her heart is but I understand that you want a wedding with your family in attendance. The compromise is get married now, have a party later. Your family should understand COVID and not wanting to wait, especially if you sell it right and once the pandemic is past having a party where all your family can gather again after being apart would be great, right?

[Anonymous]

When and if OP comes back to engage further on the questions asked in this discussion, then I will take seriously that he’s willing to compromise on to us. Until that time, a post-and-run would be very consistent with OP who is firmly convinced his way is The Answer and is not interested in entertaining anyone else’s views.

[Anonymous]

Where in OP's post did you get the idea OP is a man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH wanted a big wedding, I wanted to elope. We compromised by having a small, immediate family only (grandparents, parents, siblings) wedding.

+1

Family only, later on, OP. Don't waste that money, the wedding industry is such a sham, seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where in OP's post did you get the idea OP is a man?

From the fact that same-sex couples make up LESS THAN ONE HALF OF ONE PERCENT aid all married couples in this country. It’s fine if OP is a woman, but if he or she cares about pronouns and gender dynamics in this discussion, he or she should spell it out for clarity.

You’re so woke.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/govbeat/wp/2014/09/22/married-same-sex-couples-make-up-less-than-one-half-of-one-percent-of-all-married-couples-in-the-u-s/%3foutputType=amp

[Anonymous]

Save your money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're going to get everyone telling you to elope, because a) they almost always side with the woman on these posts, B) most people here have dysfunctional families and dysfunctional themselves


To it's a pretty bad sign of her lack of respect for you that she wants you to disregard something that's deeply important to you, having your parents attend your wedding. That's not an unreasonable thing. She's asking you to drop your value s for her.

It's also a bad sign that she knowingly wants you to do something that will make you unhappy and drive a wedge between you and her family. It's also a bad sign because her family is dysfunctional she doesn't want you to be connected to your family anymore.

Her behavior and her ask is abusive, and it will not get better, but worse over time, and it will eventually involve your kids if you have them. You don't want to be married to this toxic person.

But since you want to get married, compromise. The compromise is a small wedding with your parents, maybe grandparents and siblings if everyone is close by, and possibly a large party later.

If she can't compromise on the small wedding. End it.

What? Why does she have to give in to him

No this is him pushing her into something that is not a mature decision at this time. Not to mention he won't marry her over a "Traditional wedding" Are you kidding? He is an emotional abuser waiting to happen she should run away.

Either he loves her and wants to spend eternity with her or not. Given what he wrote he doesn't love her he wants to control her. She should run for the hills.

+1 OP sounds like my ExH. She should run. I hope she is reading this.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t you have a small real wedding with your parents there as witness? Have it outdoors if need be.

I just want to say that weddings are a waste. We did it to please our families. I wish we’d just had the fancy dress, fancy photos, fancy meal and skipped the rest. Only had our parents, sisters and grandparents. One best friend each. We did it cheaply, but still 30k

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're going to get everyone telling you to elope, because a) they almost always side with the woman on these posts, B) most people here have dysfunctional families and dysfunctional themselves


To it's a pretty bad sign of her lack of respect for you that she wants you to disregard something that's deeply important to you, having your parents attend your wedding. That's not an unreasonable thing. She's asking you to drop your value s for her.

It's also a bad sign that she knowingly wants you to do something that will make you unhappy and drive a wedge between you and her family. It's also a bad sign because her family is dysfunctional she doesn't want you to be connected to your family anymore.

Her behavior and her ask is abusive, and it will not get better, but worse over time, and it will eventually involve your kids if you have them. You don't want to be married to this toxic person.

But since you want to get married, compromise. The compromise is a small wedding with your parents, maybe grandparents and siblings if everyone is close by, and possibly a large party later.

If she can't compromise on the small wedding. End it.

What? Why does she have to give in to him

No this is him pushing her into something that is not a mature decision at this time. Not to mention he won't marry her over a "Traditional wedding" Are you kidding? He is an emotional abuser waiting to happen she should run away.

Either he loves her and wants to spend eternity with her or not. Given what he wrote he doesn't love her he wants to control her. She should run for the hills.

+1 OP sounds like my ExH. She should run. I hope she is reading this.

Funny, I was goignto say the fiance sounds like my ex wife. PP is spot on about how she will escalate, and eventually try to completely isolate him from his family. She'll pick fights and throw fits with family members , but never be in the wrong. She'll pick fights and throw fits if you dare to cisit your parents or talk to your sister on the phone because she should be first!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're going to get everyone telling you to elope, because a) they almost always side with the woman on these posts, B) most people here have dysfunctional families and dysfunctional themselves


To it's a pretty bad sign of her lack of respect for you that she wants you to disregard something that's deeply important to you, having your parents attend your wedding. That's not an unreasonable thing. She's asking you to drop your value s for her.

It's also a bad sign that she knowingly wants you to do something that will make you unhappy and drive a wedge between you and her family. It's also a bad sign because her family is dysfunctional she doesn't want you to be connected to your family anymore.

Her behavior and her ask is abusive, and it will not get better, but worse over time, and it will eventually involve your kids if you have them. You don't want to be married to this toxic person.

But since you want to get married, compromise. The compromise is a small wedding with your parents, maybe grandparents and siblings if everyone is close by, and possibly a large party later.

If she can't compromise on the small wedding. End it.

What? Why does she have to give in to him

No this is him pushing her into something that is not a mature decision at this time. Not to mention he won't marry her over a "Traditional wedding" Are you kidding? He is an emotional abuser waiting to happen she should run away.

Either he loves her and wants to spend eternity with her or not. Given what he wrote he doesn't love her he wants to control her. She should run for the hills.

+1 OP sounds like my ExH. She should run. I hope she is reading this.

She should give in just as he should be willing to give in, you know COMPROMISE. ! IT shouldn't be a contest to see who gives in and who gets their way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t you have a small real wedding with your parents there as witness? Have it outdoors if need be.

I just want to say that weddings are a waste. We did it to please our families. I wish we’d just had the fancy dress, fancy photos, fancy meal and skipped the rest. Only had our parents, sisters and grandparents. One best friend each. We did it cheaply, but still 30k

If you still paid $30 K you did it stupidly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel a sign of disrespect is doing what your family wants to do for a wedding vs. your future wife....

Exactly. Her wishes should come first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weddings are fun and all for the attendees, but are often just a waste of money. Save the money and buy some cryptocurrencies with it instead.

Minor correction. Receptions (with free-flowing alcohol) can be fun for attendees. Wedding ceremonies are tedious and boring and always too long. Skip the ceremony, elope, and have a big anniversary party next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel a sign of disrespect is doing what your family wants to do for a wedding vs. your future wife....

Exactly. Her wishes should come first.

And he wants his family there. His wishes matter too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel a sign of disrespect is doing what your family wants to do for a wedding vs. your future wife....

Exactly. Her wishes should come first.

And he wants his family there. His wishes matter too.

Yeah, DH was like this - didn't want a wedding, yet wanted his family there. Effing nightmare. OP, use that money toward a house, or an exotic trip after COVID, or a worthy investment - because you will NOT please everyone.