Fiance wants to elope, I want a wedding

[Anonymous]

Elope.

No one actually wants to go to your wedding that badly, weddings sort of suck for guests most of the time.

You waste gobs of money and won't remember it anyway. Its just one day.

[Anonymous]

What have you suggested as compromises, OP? Because waiting until 2022 isn't a compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t compromise on this, your marriage is doomed. One compromise is a much smaller wedding this year. Would you agree to that?

This. Whether you guys can overcome disagreements and conflict, and how you guys go about coming up with an agreement, is THE number one predictor of a long marriage. There will be countless small and big differences in opinion and what you prefer. Being able to resolve those is really crucial. If you feel there are red flags on that issue, rethink the entire marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Compromise on a small wedding. Or elope and have a small reception later.

+1

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Compromise on a small wedding. Or elope and have a small reception later.

+1

If you elope, there's no reason to have a small reception later. It could be as large as he wants since he already compromised with the wedding itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What have you suggested as compromises, OP? Because waiting until 2022 isn't a compromise.

Yes, I would like the OP to come back and tell us what he is willing to give as a compromise.

[Anonymous]

Wait a minute. They agreed to a wedding in June 2022, with everyone there. Why is it okay for the fiance to go back on her words? Isn't the usual refrain around here you have to stick to what you agreed to, a promise is a promise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Fiance and I got engaged June 2020. Given 2020 and 2021 we put off having a wedding until 2022.

My fiance all of a sudden decided she doesn't want a wedding anymore and would rather elope. Her reasoning is we would save a lot of money and wouldnt have to wait 2 years. She also has a really small family and they are not that close.

I'm from a traditional family and this absolutely would not fly. We've discussed it and she refuses to compromise. I understand from her perspective she's not extremely close with her family, so a wedding isn't a big deal, but for me, it would be a huge sign of disrespect to my family.

Dude if you care more about this than marrying the person you will be divorced in a few years.

Who cares about one little day in a lifetime of being with someone

She is correct take that money and do something wonderful with it. When the pandemic is over have a huge party and celebrate or go on a trip of a lifetime.

Fighting over having a wedding is so trivial.

Maybe she loves you enough that she wants to marry you now. You do not deserve her. She sounds like she understands what is important.

[Anonymous]

She is smart. Weddings are a waste of money and there is no need to wait until 2022 to get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're going to get everyone telling you to elope, because a) they almost always side with the woman on these posts, B) most people here have dysfunctional families and dysfunctional themselves

No, it's simply because there is a once in a hundred year pandemic going on that is affecting the legality of large gatherings.

Except they don't have to have a large gathering. People have been getting married all pandemic long with smaller gatherings. Original point still stands.

It's one thing to suggest an alternative like a small wedding (recognizing that OP didn't say he would agree to that) - another to assume all posters responding here simply side with a woman or come from dysfunctional families. Thats ridiculously simplistic.

You clearly don't know DCUm, because I can guarantee you if OP had been a woman the responses would be very different, and a quick look at this forum will tell you the relationships are full of dysfunction. Even your attempt to discredit me was easily debunked. My original take still stands, you don't have to like it but you are wasting your time going back and forth with me because I'm not going to change my opinion on the matter, so your only reason to continue would be because you need to have the last word.

NP. Rarely has one paragraph so clearly communicated how unpleasant a human being can be. Kudos!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're going to get everyone telling you to elope, because a) they almost always side with the woman on these posts, B) most people here have dysfunctional families and dysfunctional themselves

No, it's simply because there is a once in a hundred year pandemic going on that is affecting the legality of large gatherings.

Except they don't have to have a large gathering. People have been getting married all pandemic long with smaller gatherings. Original point still stands.

It's one thing to suggest an alternative like a small wedding (recognizing that OP didn't say he would agree to that) - another to assume all posters responding here simply side with a woman or come from dysfunctional families. Thats ridiculously simplistic.

You clearly don't know DCUm, because I can guarantee you if OP had been a woman the responses would be very different, and a quick look at this forum will tell you the relationships are full of dysfunction. Even your attempt to discredit me was easily debunked. My original take still stands, you don't have to like it but you are wasting your time going back and forth with me because I'm not going to change my opinion on the matter, so your only reason to continue would be because you need to have the last word.

NP. Rarely has one paragraph so clearly communicated how unpleasant a human being can be. Kudos!

An actual, NP, PP was correct, and she was right about you needing the last word too, how pathetic trying to disguise yourself just to get in one last dig!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Fiance and I got engaged June 2020. Given 2020 and 2021 we put off having a wedding until 2022.

My fiance all of a sudden decided she doesn't want a wedding anymore and would rather elope. Her reasoning is we would save a lot of money and wouldnt have to wait 2 years. She also has a really small family and they are not that close.

I'm from a traditional family and this absolutely would not fly. We've discussed it and she refuses to compromise. I understand from her perspective she's not extremely close with her family, so a wedding isn't a big deal, but for me, it would be a huge sign of disrespect to my family.

Dude if you care more about this than marrying the person you will be divorced in a few years.

Who cares about one little day in a lifetime of being with someone

She is correct take that money and do something wonderful with it. When the pandemic is over have a huge party and celebrate or go on a trip of a lifetime.

Fighting over having a wedding is so trivial.

Maybe she loves you enough that she wants to marry you now. You do not deserve her. She sounds like she understands what is important.

If a wedding is trivial and a waste of money so is a huge party when a pandemic is over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Elope.

No one actually wants to go to your wedding that badly, weddings sort of suck for guests most of the time.

You waste gobs of money and won't remember it anyway. Its just one day.

Agree, and there is usually some element of stressful family drama.

Elope. I wish I did and will encourage my children to do the same.

[Anonymous]

Get married now and have a renewal/party later. THAT is a compromise.

You getting exactly what you want is not is not a "compromise," dimwit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're going to get everyone telling you to elope, because a) they almost always side with the woman on these posts, B) most people here have dysfunctional families and dysfunctional themselves


To it's a pretty bad sign of her lack of respect for you that she wants you to disregard something that's deeply important to you, having your parents attend your wedding. That's not an unreasonable thing. She's asking you to drop your value s for her.

It's also a bad sign that she knowingly wants you to do something that will make you unhappy and drive a wedge between you and her family. It's also a bad sign because her family is dysfunctional she doesn't want you to be connected to your family anymore.

Her behavior and her ask is abusive, and it will not get better, but worse over time, and it will eventually involve your kids if you have them. You don't want to be married to this toxic person.

But since you want to get married, compromise. The compromise is a small wedding with your parents, maybe grandparents and siblings if everyone is close by, and possibly a large party later.

If she can't compromise on the small wedding. End it.

Wow. This is nuts and a lot of projection.