What would you say if a relative asked if you're upset not to have daughters?

[Anonymous]

MIL loves to remind me how sad she feels for me to only have sons. She says a daughter is special and won't abandon you, will do the heavy lifting when you get old and stuff. She makes me feel like I will be abandoned in old age with unloving children!
She has two daughters and my DH, and she says, Oh, I love my son, but sons are different -- you can't chat with them about girl stuff or go shopping! ETC

It makes me feel SAD and like it's true! Like I am doomed to a life of loneliness once my boys hit a certain age and no longer need me. She told me this is the way of the world! I have asked her not to but she still says it!! OMG I AM SAD

[Anonymous]

Why are you listening to her? Just laugh and say "Nope, I'm thrilled with my sons." If she continued on, "All relationships are different - there are no guarantees."

[Anonymous]

Do not engage. You have the perfect excuse to not talk or see your MIL. Let your DH handle any contacts or visits. Win-win

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you listening to her? Just laugh and say "Nope, I'm thrilled with my sons." If she continued on, "All relationships are different - there are no guarantees."

I am listening to her because she lives ON OUR STREET and we cannot avoid her. It's not like I invite these conversations. I shut them down but she keeps making comments and I guess deep down I fear she is correct?

[Anonymous]

I mean, she's not wrong . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, she's not wrong . . .

Are you actually serious? What do you mean, omg. That's so mean

[Anonymous]

Tell her that with sons you’re looking forward to bring the MIL from hell. Maybe that will make her think...

[Anonymous]

being *

[Anonymous]

Is she angling for you to have another baby in the hopes that it’s a girl? I don’t get why she brings it up. Just agree and move on. ‘You’re right Nancy, you were so lucky to have daughters, I wish I had a girl too. So, do you think we’ll get more snow next week?’

FWIW, she is not correct at all. My MIL had two boys and both are super close to their parents, closer than I am to mine. My grandma had girls and boys and the boys stayed close to home and took care of her while the girls moved away. You can’t do anything about the second of your kids, so don’t let it bother you.

[Anonymous]

Why are you taking this to heart? I don’t think most Mom’s of sons only (I’m a mom to just boys) would be SO SAD because MIL said this? I actually am a bit sad that I don’t have a daughter, but life doesn’t give you everything you want and you adjust and are satisfied with what you have.

Also, you mr DH could mention that this is a pretty snotty thing of his mom to say about him....

Seriously, though, let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, she's not wrong . . .

Are you actually serious? What do you mean, omg. That's so mean

Yes. I'm serious. Obviously not 100 percent of the time. But, by and large, daughters are more attentive to their parents as adults than sons. Ever hear the expression "A son is a son until he takes a wife, but a daughter's a daughter for all of her life?" There's truth to it.

[Anonymous]

I am a little sad about not having a girl but at the same time my brother is closer to my mom than I am and he does much more than me to take care of her now that she is old and a widow. When my dad died everyone asked me if I was moving my mom to be near me and I just said "no she lives near my brother." People make a lot of assumptions about gender but they don't have to be true.

One thing I do worry about is whether I'll be less close to my grandchildren (if I have any) because I'll be the MIL. I read some study about how kids tend to be closer to their maternal grandparents. But even that isn't always true (and isn't true in the case of my family).

That said, it sucks that your MIL is saying this stuff to you!!! My SIL does the same thing. She always goes on telling me and my boys (!!!) how she was so nervous while pregnant with her second kid because she desperately wanted a girl and she didn't know what she would have done if she had had two boys. I want to say "STFU" but instead I just say "I was so excited that have two boys."

[Anonymous]

I tell people " no, I always only wanted boys. Never wanted a girl."
Usually shuts them up and it's pretty much the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you listening to her? Just laugh and say "Nope, I'm thrilled with my sons." If she continued on, "All relationships are different - there are no guarantees."

I am listening to her because she lives ON OUR STREET and we cannot avoid her. It's not like I invite these conversations. I shut them down but she keeps making comments and I guess deep down I fear she is correct?

Just walk away when she brings it up. Literally just wander away.
Her: Well that's rude.
You: Yeah, well its' rude of you to harp on how sad I should be that I don't have daughters. You said it once, I said I'm very happy with my sons, and we don't need to have the same conversation over and over again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a little sad about not having a girl but at the same time my brother is closer to my mom than I am and he does much more than me to take care of her now that she is old and a widow. When my dad died everyone asked me if I was moving my mom to be near me and I just said "no she lives near my brother." People make a lot of assumptions about gender but they don't have to be true.[b]

One thing I do worry about is whether I'll be less close to my grandchildren (if I have any) because I'll be the MIL. I read some study about how kids tend to be closer to their maternal grandparents. But even that isn't always true (and isn't true in the case of my family).

That said, it sucks that your MIL is saying this stuff to you!!! My SIL does the same thing. She always goes on telling me and my boys (!!!) how she was so nervous while pregnant with her second kid because she desperately wanted a girl and she didn't know what she would have done if she had had two boys. I want to say "STFU" but instead I just say "I was so excited that have two boys."

Absolutely, but they often are true.