What would you say if a relative asked if you're upset not to have daughters?

[Anonymous]

It may be nonsense, but it's nonsense OP agrees with, and that makes it harder.

"I guess things were harder for generations that were really attached to gender roles. I think a lot of parents now approach their kids with fewer assumptions about what traits their kids will have. It's just fun to see what you get, and so far I think the boys have turned out pretty darned nice."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you listening to her? Just laugh and say "Nope, I'm thrilled with my sons." If she continued on, "All relationships are different - there are no guarantees."

I am listening to her because she lives ON OUR STREET and we cannot avoid her. It's not like I invite these conversations. I shut them down but she keeps making comments and I guess deep down I fear she is correct?

“No, I’m not upset to not have a girl. I love my children just as they are.”

You live on the same street as your MIL, so it’s a bit weird for her to say you can’t be close to a son or he won’t help in your old age. She’s just trying to get under your skin and upset you for some reason. Don’t give her the satisfaction.

[Anonymous]

It's true though. 90% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's true though. 90% of the time.

Can you please give it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, she's not wrong . . .

I actually wanted boys, so....I'm delighted. The girls and women (myself included) are a lot of work, to put it mildly. I would have been fine if I had a girl, but I am so so so happy to have boys only. And for those who say that boys will abandon the family when they marry....that's ok, too.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have 3 sons and have been sad about not having a daughter. But, now that my sons are older (24, 20, and 17) and I’m getting a chance to get to know their lovely girlfriends, I’m practicing to be the best MIL I can be, which is to do many things differently than my own MIL.

My advice is to tell your MIL that you love your boys and someday look forward to taking the lessons you’ve learned from your DIL experience to hopefully be the kind of MIL that will invite your DILs/SILs to want to be close.

[Anonymous]

I love my sons and nephews, but I wish my sister or myself had had a girl to pass on our maternal ancestor's mitochondrial DNA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL loves to remind me how sad she feels for me to only have sons. She says a daughter is special and won't abandon you, will do the heavy lifting when you get old and stuff. She makes me feel like I will be abandoned in old age with unloving children!
She has two daughters and my DH, and she says, Oh, I love my son, but sons are different -- you can't chat with them about girl stuff or go shopping! ETC

It makes me feel SAD and like it's true! Like I am doomed to a life of loneliness once my boys hit a certain age and no longer need me. She told me this is the way of the world! I have asked her not to but she still says it!! OMG I AM SAD

I am sorry Op! If I were you I would try the silent response. Like if she says that don't respond and let the silence grow. My SIL does that really well ( no snark) and it does teach some people that what they said was rude. That would be my first approach. Second approach if she said it I would walk away if possible.

Sure it is generally true that girls chat more with their moms but, there are exceptions. Don't be sad. There are also plenty of women who never speak to their moms! Just like there are plenty of men who love chatting with their moms!

MIL is trying to get under your skin. Don't let her live rent free in your head. If my two approaches don't work. Smile and laugh! Don't let her know it bothers you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, she's not wrong . . .

I actually wanted boys, so....I'm delighted. The girls and women (myself included) are a lot of work, to put it mildly. I would have been fine if I had a girl, but I am so so so happy to have boys only. And for those who say that boys will abandon the family when they marry....that's ok, too.

I hate when women say this! I am no more "work" than any man!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tell people " no, I always only wanted boys. Never wanted a girl."
Usually shuts them up and it's pretty much the truth.

That's sad too. What if you have granddaughters? Why hate on one sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you live on the same street and she is saying she is not that close to her son. I would be tempted to reply something along the lines of you hope she’s right because she’s you want your kids to grow up to be independent.

Right?

"MIL every time you say this, it makes me wonder how much closer you think you and DH could possibly be? We live X houses down the street! I'm sorry you feel that you missed out by not having a daughter. I don't feel that way."

[Anonymous]

Tell her you’re hoping one of your boys will be gay and then it will be just like having a daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two amazing, wonderful, sweet 20-something girls and I swore I never wanted a boy. Fast forward (past the smelly, loud, constant-eating stage I guess!) and I'm now so sad that I don't! No one loves their momma like a boy. I see my friends and their sons and it is so sweet - even the tough guys are soft when it comes their mom. I so hope I get 2 wonderful sons-in-law because I'll love them like my own!!

(and I hate to shop so that would never be a reason I'd need to have a girl!)

I am a woman who also hates to shop. Like you. Why are you perpetuating this myth that all women/girls are the same?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, she's not wrong . . .

Are you actually serious? What do you mean, omg. That's so mean

Yes. I'm serious. Obviously not 100 percent of the time. But, by and large, daughters are more attentive to their parents as adults than sons. Ever hear the expression "A son is a son until he takes a wife, but a daughter's a daughter for all of her life?" There's truth to it.

Every family is so different. If you have only sons, there is no daughter to “have to” take care of you. So your sons will do it. Or they won’t. But The biological sex of your children really doesn’t determine whether you are abandoned in old age. If your kids like each other I find anecdotally that it’s more likely they will want to spend time with their parents (and each other) when they are old.

The family dynamic that I think is the hardest for long term closeness is when there is only one daughter...life is harder if you are a woman without a sister. I’d much rather have all boys than just one girl with any combination.

So many people on this thread including this person are making such weird assumptions about families. I love being the only daughter. I’m quite close to my brothers and my parents and never wanted a sister. We only have girls and it’s wonderful to see their relationships but it doesn’t make me wish *my* childhood was different. And complete strangers used to ask my husband all the time if he was sad that he only had girls. Those comments completely pi$$#% him off.

The only polite thing to do is to assume that each family is exactly how it was meant to be and to celebrate that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you live on the same street and she is saying she is not that close to her son. I would be tempted to reply something along the lines of you hope she’s right because she’s you want your kids to grow up to be independent.

+1 How much closer can you get??!