When 4 yr old won’t eat what’s for dinner

[Anonymous]

Do you not offer anything else? Only what is for dinner.

Do you let them have something else that doesn’t require cooking?

Wondering what the best was to handle this is. My 4 yr old pretty regularly refuses to what I cooked for dinner. She will say instead she wants a banana, or a bowl of cereal (not sugary kind), or some blueberries. Ive been ok with this because I felt it was just a phase but it has been going on a while now. She eats well the rest of the day. I have two older kids and they eat what I cook mostly. I really don’t remember what they did at this age. I’m pretty sure they went through a picky phase as some point too.

[Anonymous]

Have you seen the kids eat in color Instagram account? It gives lots of suggestions for this. But basically you are doing the right thing.

https://instagram.com/kids.eat.in.color?igshid=1ssx733nh3t1

[Anonymous]

We don’t force our 4yo to eat what we do, but we also don’t let her eat truly whatever she wants.

It has to be healthy and we provide a balanced meal to her. It’s just that we’ll give her choices for each food group. So I’ll ask her, “For your vegetable, do you want carrots or tomatoes? Tomatoes? Ok. For your fruit, do you want strawberries or blueberries? Etc.”

We think it’s important for her to have some say in what she eats, so long as she’s still getting balanced meals.

[Anonymous]

My 5 year old girl has had a lot of those phases. Right now she won't eat beans, meats, soups, or anything green. No fish either. It can be so frustrating at times. She won't touch any oranges/mandarins at the moment either. So I usually try to offer her something I know, she will eat- like for example, mashed potatoes, duck liver pate, organic peanut butter, healthy smoothies ( with organic fruits/home made almond milk etc.). It is hard to feed 4-5 year old every day exactly what we adults are eating, and that's OK. I couldn't force my child to eat something if she doesn't want to. But I do offer other healthy alternatives. She seems to have plenty of energy.

[Anonymous]

I agree with following kids eat in color but I don’t think as the pp is saying that you’re doing quite what she would recommend - she recommends you as the parent are in charge of the menu (and the menu usually doesn’t change once dinner starts) BUT that it is of course ok for the child to choose not to eat what’s on the menu AND you always try to be respectful in the sense of including a “safe food” - so banana, etc whatever you know would be a safe food (but switch it up) is on the menu from the beginning, included with the other food out. The child can eat as much or as little of what’s on the menu without any pressure either way (haven’t eaten anything else offered at dinner but want a second banana and we have plenty - sure! No questions or comments). Only time you would limit is so that others have their share or if you genuinely need it for another meal etc. but generally they choose how much or how little to eat of what you serve. But ideally you do choose what is served.

If you want to take this approach, I would talk to your daughter first “I know you haven’t been super interested in some of the options for dinner lately, that’s totally ok. It’s up to you to listen to your body and how much you need/want. I’m going to work hard to make sure there is something on the menu each night that you like, and you can always have as much of that as you like, but once we’re eating I’d like to stick with what is on the menu and not change it mid dinner” talk through any concerns she has. And given her age maybe she can help sometimes pick the safe food, but move it before dinner. Then if she wants to switch mid dinner you just talk about how that isn’t on the menu tonight.

[Anonymous]

I meant move the choosing the menu and safe foods to before dinner, not eating them befor dinner - to be clear!

[Anonymous]

Also sorry for some reason I thought we were talking about a 7 year old, just saw it was 4 year old- that might shift that convo slightly in that a ton of chose on the safe food might not be that helpful. I mean certainly I try to respect my kids wishes but if he asks for xyz thing at 5p and it wasn’t in my plan I say let’s put that on the menu for lunch tomorrow, for example

[Anonymous]

As long as my kid tries what I make I would let them eat something else between bed and dinner but has to be healthy. She had to eat her age in notes to get dessert tho. We do do dessert after dinner daily but it’s the only time she gets chocolate, ice cream, etc.

[Anonymous]

Age in bites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you not offer anything else? Only what is for dinner.

Do you let them have something else that doesn’t require cooking?

Wondering what the best was to handle this is. My 4 yr old pretty regularly refuses to what I cooked for dinner. She will say instead she wants a banana, or a bowl of cereal (not sugary kind), or some blueberries. Ive been ok with this because I felt it was just a phase but it has been going on a while now. She eats well the rest of the day. I have two older kids and they eat what I cook mostly. I really don’t remember what they did at this age. I’m pretty sure they went through a picky phase as some point too.

I put a meal on the table. I make sure I include things that I know my kids are willing to eat, although they might not be their favorite or something exciting to them, and then they are limited to what's on the table.

Or I might serve lentil soup, bread, salad, and milk. One kid might just eat bread and milk and I'd be fine with that. But I wouldn't serve lentil soup, salad, and grapefruit juice.

[Anonymous]

No subs in my house. I cook at least one thing I know they will like, and they get milk and fruit. One of the things my kids struggled with was/is everything won’t be their favorite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No subs in my house. I cook at least one thing I know they will like, and they get milk and fruit. One of the things my kids struggled with was/is everything won’t be their favorite.

+1

[Anonymous]

No alternate meal. Include something they like with each meal. For a while we went with having him eat his age in bites of everything, because he was eating next to nothing.

[Anonymous]

My older daughter is vegetarian so I often have food in components anyway. So tonight we did a salad with couscous, feta, cucumbers, tomatoes and sausage on the side. My almost 4 year ole old wouldn’t touch the tomatoes but ate the rest. Then she asked if she could have a banana which I gave her. Reading above I like the idea of only offering what’s part of the meal from the start. I think we often do this naturally (put out some yogurt or berries etc). Surprisingly my 4 year old is a good eater in terms of variety - cucumbers, celery, broccoli, carrots and red peppers are among her favorite foods - but she absolutely won’t sit still long enough for a dinner meal. So she tends to eat a few things and run off.

[Anonymous]

We always have milk and fruit. If I am serving something I know they won't like (fish or anything spicy), I also put out nuts on the table and they can have those as a protein. I also usually allow yogurt if they have eaten the milk and tried whatever the vegetable of the day is. But I won't cook a separate meal.

My 7 year old is picky but eats huge quantities of food he likes. My 3.5 year old is not that picky but she eats like a bird at dinner and is unpredictable -- even foods she loves, she may not eat if she doesn't feel like it. She adores green beans and carrots, but she eats them only about 2/3 of the time I serve them. Pasta is hit or miss for no discernable reason.

Given all this, I cook the meal I want to cook. I always put some on their plates and we encourage them to try it. If they drink their milk and eat their fruit they won't be truly hungry, so at that point I usually insist they try the dinner in order to get anything else like yogurt. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't.